rsvp frustration

Dear N,

I would be flabbergasted. I'm so sorry that you're having to put so much extra effort into something that should be effortless to them! Brides-to-be put way too much time and energy (not to mention money) into planning a wedding for their friends and families to brush away RSVP-ing as an inconvenience. I'm actually thinking about including a disclaimer in my RSVP cards, stating that you need to RSVP, or you will not have a seat at our table, period. You've even given them the option to simply go onto your wedding website and RSVP there. It would take about as much time as it would take to go through one's e-mails (at the absolute most)!

I feel your frustration, and I'm sorry that I don't have a solution for you. Be firm! It's a celebration for your friends and family, but it's still your big day! I hope that this dilemma ends smoothly, and that your guest acknowledge and respect the hard work you've put into this.

Stay strong!

Aubrianna Abbema

Hi N,

I COMPLETELY understand! I have a lot of friends getting married this year (just at that age, I guess) and it was funny to see the first people RSVPing were people also having wedding and knowing the struggle. A lot of my invited guests are from my church, and on the older side, and they seem to think they can just say "I might come" and be RSVPed like that! Crazy!

I am so sorry to hear that you're having this level of struggle. If you have other people that are willing, I would suggest trying to split the work between whoever is helping with the wedding, whether it be your parents, your FH, or your FMIL, and see if you can personally reach out to people. You could even try getting help from your bridal party (giving phone #s or emails to people and asking them to send a little message (*insert well worded RSVP request here as well as link to RSVP if it's through website"). I am sending my invites in a couple months, but I'm already nervous. One of my friends who got married last August had her and her FH (of the time) constantly reposting their wedding website on all their social media, which got really annoying, and they still had people show up who hadn't RSVPed.

I hope you get some people sending you their RSVPs soon! I know that a lot of people won't RSVP until a month before, which might be your case, but I am wishing you the best of luck!

I FEEL you. I am trying to get responses to my bridal shower and ended up in a huge fight with my FMIL over it! I just don't understand how people don't understand how rude it is!
We sent out our wedding invites this week and I am already getting nervous about who is and is not going to respond. It would be easier if we weren't doing assigned seating for the shower and reception but we are for a couple reasons and I am at a loss for what to do.

Every bride knows how you feel! haha We invited around 350 people and had to reach out to 150 people on our RSVP deadline day. Most people said they just forgot to send the RSVP post card back, but 4-5 people never received their invitation (which is weird because they received their Save the Date). It's a little frustrating, but we got responses back fairly quickly after texting people!

Preach!! I've had so many people ask "do you need us to actually get on the website and say I'm going? Or can I just tell you?" UM YEAH YOU NEED TO ACTUALLY DO IT lol. If you don't I'm not paying for a plate for you hahah! People tend to lose all shreds of common sense when it comes to wedding I guess haha!

We had some verbal RSVPs or texts or through our parents. It was easy to handle because we both had a google sheet on our phone & computers so when we got the information we immediately marked the response.

Yeah for some (like my parents, etc.) I’ve done that. Ours is a DW (although its state-side) so I don’t want to really mark people as I’m getting a lot of verbal “we’re coming, just haven’t booked flights yet.” So afraid people might back out. But I think it’s just a thing now not to commit to anything really. Sign of the times, for sure.

Because I am "that person" (and our entire guest list knows our personalities and sense of humor)...I have a blurb on our RSVP card and our website that they can RSVP using the card that already comes with a stamp!, on the website, or text ME (not my mom or my sister or my FH) or email our wedding email account. If they are unable or unwilling to do any of those options and choose to show up, that's great-the more the merrier, but bring a chair and a sandwich. We are only planning for the number that RSVPs and I will NOT be calling everyone or tracking everyone down to figure out if they are coming. We have enough stuff to do for the wedding and between that, work, and our day to day responsibilities we lack the time and the patience to be bothered with babysitting people to make sure they follow social etiquette. We are all adults and if people can't be respectful enough to RSVP as asked....then they can stay home. I'm not one to enable people to continue to be rude or lazy or whatever other excuse they have for not RSVPing when it takes all of 10 seconds to do.

Some family members have already asked us why they need to RSVP when we should "know they are definitely coming." Uh... that's the problem. We don't know if you're definitely coming. What the heck? I have not been accepting verbal rsvps, as they are too hard to keep track of. I tell although it's great they are confirming their attendance, they need to actually go on the website and RSVP. I've been feeling mounting frustration at the slow rate of getting RSVPs and my wedding is on April 4th. I agree with OP that some folks think if they don't respond, we should take that as they are not coming. It's quite ridiculous. So... ugh!

This is my RSVP card. Luckily, all my guests know me well enough to know what I say is truth. I had less than half by a week before the deadline. I posted on Facebook that I was not kidding and did not plan to have a bunch of camp chairs show up at my wedding! I started getting responses!