rsvp Plus 1 drama....were we in the wrong?

You're absolutely NOT wrong... every venue has its limits, and every couple has the right to choose who they do and don't invite. This is absolutely insane and I'm so sorry you are going through this. Is it possible to employ the parent (mom or dad) who these folks "belong" to so to speak, and have them help try to get the point across to aunt? It's unfortunate, but I definitely think you're going to have to call or email the cousin back and say "I'm sorry if there was a misunderstanding, but unfortunately we only reserved 1 seat in your honor and we will not be able to accommodate anyone else. If this means you won't be able to attend our wedding, we're very sorry to hear that, but thank you for understanding that our venue has a limit for a variety of reasons."

Good luck poster, this sounds tough

You weren't wrong! And I think you should hold your ground. It sounds like you've only talked to your aunt? Maybe try reaching out specifically to your cousin and letting him know that its a kid free wedding, and that you'll let him know if you get a decline and he can bring his date, but currently only he is invited, and you have a seat for him and only him.

If its a deal breaker for him, you won't have to deal with him at the wedding.

The nerve of some people!

You are not in the wrong and are being too accommodating in my opinion. The cousin should not get a plus one - and he certainly does not get a plus two!! WHAT. THE. HELL.

Ugh, I'm so sorry. We had a lot of this kind of drama. I had one person invited who RSVPd for 5! Turns out she couldn't travel alone so we let her have ONE of her FOUR adult sons but your situations i just a big fat no. No is a complete sentence. You do not have to give any explanations or excuses.

Contact your cousin and let him know that you hope he can come but the invitation cannot be extended to his ex and her daughter. If they attend anyway there will not be food or a seat for them.

Eeek! Thats sucks. Good luck. I hope it works out, and you have the amazing day you deserve with your loving family all around you.

You call him up and say "Our guest list is finalized and we cannot add anyone else. We understand that you want to bring 2 guests but we can't do that. We hope you can still come but if not, we understand."

If he is ignoring your texts and calls, and you haven't already stated it, in in clear English, just tell him that you cannot accommodate the extra guests, and if that means he will be unable to attend, you will miss him at the wedding.

Then disengage.

You were NOT WRONG. That was very rude of him to do that. I would call him and say, "Due to capacity we have one seat reserved for you. If someone declines we will consider a plus one for you, however it is a kid free wedding except for XYZ as they are part of the bridal party. If this means you must decline we understand and have no hard feelings."

"My aunt stated yesterday when I saw her that my cousin would not be attending unless he got to bring those 2 people."

I would just say to him, or to your aunt, "well, in that case, you'll/he'll be missed". Period. I don't know where people get off with this manipulative BS. It's not your problem, you did everything correctly, and you shouldn't have to make an exception for his gf's kid if no other kids are going.

It's your wedding, so I would just send a text/email saying you are at capacity and don't have room for plus ones. It's unbelievably rude of them to assume you can pay extra for a date and daughter you didn't invite and you don't even know. And it sounds like they won't show up if you don't give the plus two, so better for you. The daughter wouldn't have fun anyway, since there are only 2 other kids and she doesn't know them. It's incredibly rude for people to act like their feelings matter on YOUR wedding day, because they don't. Only you and your groom matter.