Sad about not being close with family

Oh my gosh, take a shot every time I use the word "family" Jeez, haha

Wow..... I pray that God give you answers and help you feel better because this is suppose to be a happy time in your life. You should let go of anything that hurt you or bring negativity into your life. It hurts worst when you hold on. I hope I helped. Take care and congrats

You are strong and courageous to have invited your family knowing the feelings. I commend you in this step. I wouldn't have invited them. Enjoy your day, Enjoy your new family and Enjoy your new husband. Let your side of family see you being loved by your new family. Shine!

Hey there! I know what you are going through, as a bride I am going through the same things. My dad and I havent spoken in over 3 years. My last words to him was pretty much F off. Since being a little girl ive dreamed about this day having him walk me down the isle and the bonding that marriage seems to bring into others lives. However, I have come to accept that he and I will never have a relationship like most fathers and daughters. My papa is walking me down instead. My parents divorced when I was 5, and my papa has always been more of a dad than grandpa. So, for me it's only fitting that he walks me. My mother and I are best friends, but she is one that cant stand to be in the shadow ALWAYS has to be in the spot light instead. So here I am thinking with me getting married she wouldnt be that way, but all she has cares about since I got engaged is what she will wear to the wedding. Dont get me wrong I want her to lool good but this isnt about her. It is about my husband to be and me.
I have asked her MULTIPLE times to come over and go through wedding stuff with me as the days are being numbered- she hasnt and al was ays has an poor excuse as to why she cant. She hasnt offered to buy not one thing for the wedding. We have had to pay for every single thing, and all vendors. That doesnt really bother me that she hasnt paid, but to hear her talk to her co workers or family the stress of this wedding, and the money she has spent is just about to break her.... all I can think of is what stress? Not being satisfied with your dress? What money? She hasnt spent any of it on us or our day. Hell I bought her dress to wear. Then theres my sister she and I do NOT get along what so ever. Her children are in it as 2 flower girls, and son as our RB. In order for them to be in it she basically had to pick out their dresses. And bc my nephew plays football in which he has a game that day she said they wouldnt be there until the game qas over and they got there. So who knows if they will even show up.

Anyway, I am sorry that you are having to go through this. Your not alone, their are more brides than you think that goes through the same thing. I have had help from my fiancee and I dont know how I would do it if it wasnt for him. Parents are full time jobs not half time or half ass. If your parents cant come and enjoy and support you then tell them to stay at home. I know its easier said than done, but bc my dad is a half ass thats what I had to do to him. He is regretting it big time now. He tries so badly to add me on FB and send pointless messages throug family.

Tough love is sometimes the best love.

Good luck to you, ans congratulations to you both!!

I'm so sorry! I've been blessed to be part of a huge, loving extended family, so I can't even imagine your situation. Hopefully, your husband's wonderful family can finally give you the love and support you deserve. Enjoy being embraced by them -- your marriage will not only bind you and your husband together, but you to his family as well! One of my brothers-in-law came from a very difficult, dysfunctional family of origin. My perception is he definitely has some "scars" as a result of those relationships, but for the past 40+ years he's been an integral and valued member of our family! He's the "big brother" I didn't have growing up with only older sisters and younger brothers. I was 16 when he taught me to change a tire. When our dad passed away, my mom gave Daddy's wedding ring to my him -- not one of her sons. When our mom passed away, he was my "right-hand" dealing with all the estate issues, while my siblings were kind of useless. I'm lucky to have four great "in-laws" through my siblings' marriages, and they are ALL every bit as much members of our family as those of us who were born into it! Best wishes to you and NEW family!

Audrey so sorry you are having to deal with this.Hugs to you

Aw I am so sorry you are going through that.
My mom passed away, 3 years as of July 30th and out of my 4 aunts on her side, only 1 is definitely coming. 2 of them that live locally RSVP’d for my bridal shower then backed out. They told my dad they weren’t showing up because the one is mad I didn’t invite her 5 daughters and their husbands. For one they’re stuck up snobs who don’t bother with me. I am the youngest out of all the cousins. When my mom died, they showed up to the memorial with their bratty kids and then had the nerve to take trays of food and cookies because they were going down the Jersey shore. To be honest, this will tell you how close I am with them, I don’t even know their kids names!!!
None of them called to check up on me - nothing. So why would I include them at my wedding? I also said i wanted a small wedding not a huge one. Cousins on my dads side aren’t invited and my uncles are still coming.
My dad asked them if my mom was still alive would they come and they pretty much said they would have to if that were the case.

Hurts me a a little bit but at the end of it all, I’ll have the people there who matter most. And my fiancé’s family is closer and welcomed me more than those wicked old aunts.

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this! If it makes you feel any better (or at least less alone) we are in pretty much the same boat except the roles are flipped. My FH either has a strained or actively bad relationship with most of his family, and it’s been really rough for him. Making calls to tell them we were engaged we got some underwhelmed: “oh, congrats” some “we won’t come unless you put it off until 2020. 2019 is too soon” (we got engaged in December 2017......) and one person with a literal lack of response, just completely ghosting. I won’t say that I know what you’re going through but I AM watching him go through it, and my heart aches for him (and for you too!)

He is lucky too, in that my family has taken him in as one of our own. My mom calls him her “third child” and he has been calling her “momma” since about 6 months BEFORE we got engaged. I overheard my brother refer to FH as “my brother” and I almost cried lol. My grandma came over once too and was just giving cash to me and my brother (like grandparents do lol) and then turned to FH and was like “here, do you need a 20?” and practically forced it upon him, and THAT almost brought him to tears, just being included like that.

Like I said, I’m not going to tell you that I totally understand what you’re going through because I know that witnessing it happening to my FH is very different from experiencing it myself. But, I am hoping maybe you can find some solace knowing that others are struggling with the same things, and how others handle it. My FH says that he does feel like he has supportive family... MY family. He literally considers them his own at this point. You mentioned having really great in-laws, and that is so so important and lucky! Not to minimize your situation but... it would be SO much worse if BOTH your families were like this!

I know it’s rough feeling like you have no family. But a marriage creates a new family. You and your FH will be your own little family! I know that doesn’t fix everything, but... I hope this could be a little relatable and maybe a little comforting. Again, I’m so sorry you are going through this

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for sharing that. It's comfort to know I'm at least not alone. Congratulations and enjoy your day! ❤️

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much!! My new family will be amazing and that's what I need to focus on. It's incredible that you've got such amazing in-laws on your side too! Thanks for sharing 💕 I really appreciate it

View Quoted Comment Ugh I'm so sorry to hear about your aunts that's terrible and you did not deserve that. At least we both can find new family from our fiancés ❤️ Thank you for sharing

So very sorry you are going through this, and good on you for still including them. I don’t know that I’d have been able to do so.

Family can be challenging. My mom isn’t even coming to my wedding, her decision. And my FH had to decide between inviting his mother or his father because his mother, even after 45 years of being divorced, hates his father and it would cause huge drama if they were in the same room (why can’t adults just act like adults?!)

My advice would be to focus on your FH and his wonderful family. They are your family now, embrace and enjoy it! Maybe even consider giving your parents the option of bowing out if you really feel like they don’t want to be there. Who needs that on their wedding day?! I told my mom she didn’t have to come if she didn’t want to, and it was actually a relief when she decided not to go. Less drama for me to deal with.

Wishing you the best, enjoy every moment of your wedding day and new family!

View Quoted Comment Wow! This really was a comfort to read. Thank you so much. I'm thankful for my new little family ❤️

Oh honey I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I am an older (43) bride and have come to realize that those that don't put any effort or share my excitement, I just do not discuss anything with them. FH's family is big and super excited for the wedding, my family eh not so much for various reasons, all their own and not my issue or worry. But embrace those that are truly happy for you and try to enjoy the planning and day itself.((hugs))

I think all your feelings are completely valid. I would also feel disappointment if my family was not enthusiastic or supportive for my wedding and future with my husband.

In the end though, the beauty of a marriage is that now you get to have your own family, with your husband. You get to decide how you want it to be, and who you include in your life. Sometimes, its a matter of recognizing the hurts and sadness, but using that to define what happy and healthy looks like.

I think its great that you're focusing on what the future will be, and its wonderful that his family fills in the parts of you that have been missing.

Take some time to process your emotions though. Write in a journal, or better yet, see a therapist.

I hope your day goes smoothly, and that you are overwhelmed with love and support (from everyone else).

Best wishes!

View Quoted Comment I'm so sorry your mom chose not to come and that adults turn in to children at the slightest inconvenience. But it sounds like it was the best choice in the end. You're right. Let's just focus on the good stuff 💕 Thank you

I am sorry that you’re going through this. I hope God gives you the strength and comfort you need. If your fiancé family have welcome you. Allow them to do speeches, help with planning, etc

I am in awe of all the beautiful responses I've gotten. Thank you all so much for taking the time to share your thoughts and stories ❤️💕

I’m sorry for your hurting heart. When I just read this I thought I wrote it. Except my fiancé doesn’t really have close family either. It is pretty much me. I do have a daughter and she is helping some. She is a teen. I feel for you. This is so hard.

I find myself in the same situafion, and is the main reason why everything is stressful. My family and his family are not close, and it makes me feel sad. I am entertaining the idea of maybe not having a wedding, but somehow that also seems sad.