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Devoted May 2018

Sand ceremony during reception

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Kaitlin, on April 24, 2018 at 12:40 AM

Would anyone think it was weird if you saw someone do their sand ceremony at the reception instead of the actual ceremony? So we bought three colors of sand. One for FH, one for me, and one for his son. When we met with out officiant she kept telling me that one of the colors is for her and that I can’t have FH’s son have a color he can hold the funnel or something because a color is reserved for her. What?!? Has anyone ever heard of this? I was totally thrown off guard and stunned. She also told me that we can’t have individual colors either we all have to hold onto one color of sand and dump the whole thing in and then all hold onto the next color and dump that one in. I tried to tell her several times that I don’t think that would look good and that’s not how I wanted to do it. I showed her several pictures of what I was describing about us pouring separate colors at the same time. I even showed her a sand ceremony script I found that I really liked. All she kept telling me was “I have no interest in your Pinterest”. So, would it be weird for us to have someone do the reading that I found at the reception and us do our sand ceremony then?

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Devoted May 2018
Kaitlin · on April 24, 2018 at 10:45 AM
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I really want his done to have his own color because I want all three colors, but I do NOT want her to have a color. I doubt she would step off to the side if we did it because she seems so adamant about the way t should be done. Like we spent about 45 minutes going back and forth on the fact that that’s not the way it should be done. She said she’s done lots of sand ceremonies and that is the way they’re done. Basically I’m ignorant to it all and she was very condescending about it all.
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Devoted May 2018
Kaitlin · on April 24, 2018 at 10:49 AM
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Yes, we are paying her (actually quite a lot in my opinion). She actually had the nerve, after we went back and forth for almost an hour about the way the sand ceremony should be done, to say “this is your wedding and I want it to be the way you want so you’re happy with it”. Then I proceeded to ,again, tell her how I wanted to do the sand ceremony even if that wasn’t the way she normally did it and basically told me she wouldn’t do it that way. WHAT..?!?
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Devoted May 2018
Kaitlin · on April 24, 2018 at 10:51 AM
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Exactly! I tried to explain this to her and she was NOT having it. I was so frustrated when we left. I don’t think FH knew what to do when we were going back and forth about it, but he is totally clueless about a sand ceremony anyway. Lol
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Expert October 2018
Allison · on April 24, 2018 at 11:09 AM
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Then stand your ground. Maybe go to the courthouse and get legally married the day before and have someone else do your ceremony.

Besides, at this point I feel like even if she agreed with you or you moved the sand ceremony to the reception, she's going to disregard what you want for your ceremony and do something else
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Dedicated November 2014
Mandy · on April 24, 2018 at 11:54 AM
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Call the county clerk where you're planning to get married and get all the requirement. There are variations by county, even within the state. It's very likely your dad can do the whole ceremony, probably for cheaper than you're paying the terrible officiant, if he's willing to do the paperwork. The "universal life church" online is where most people seem to get "ordained" to officiant a wedding.
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Super October 2018
MaltedMilk · on April 24, 2018 at 12:14 PM
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What county are you in? Pennsylvania recognizes some marriages performed by a Universal Life Minister. Call the county recorder in the county you are getting married in and see if they can guide you. I, too, would be very concerned that she would "go rogue" during the ceremony. I would ask for references to see if other couples actually had her add HER sand. That is crazy!!!
Excise her from the ceremony. This is too big a role to leave to chance.
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Master October 2016
Mrs. Fall Bride · on April 24, 2018 at 12:20 PM
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Lol well she is too weird, and you're definitely correct about the way it's supposed to be done, so again, I think she gotsta go! Just show your FH this thread if he's unsure!
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Devoted May 2018
Kaitlin · on April 24, 2018 at 12:54 PM
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My step dad is already ordained from the universal life church and that’s why we were going to have him do t at first. Then I realized there are some places where it isn’t legal and they are fighting it in courts right now. I read that if they decide it’s not legally binding for them to do it after the courts decide that every marriage done in that way would be null and void and I don’t want to take that risk.
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Devoted May 2018
Kaitlin · on April 24, 2018 at 12:55 PM
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I’m in Clearfield County. She actually performed my cousins marriage and they did a sand ceremony. I wasn’t there though so I have no idea how they did it and I’m not close with my cousin at all to be able to ask.
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Devoted March 2019
AF412 · on April 24, 2018 at 2:16 PM
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You just need a self uniting marriage license in PA. Anyone can marry you if you get the correct type of license.
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Beginner September 2018
Kay · on April 24, 2018 at 4:08 PM
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From my understanding, the sand ceremony is meant to be when two come as one, they cannot be divided. So when two (different color) sands blend -- it would take an immense and almost useless amount of effort to separate that sand again. The same way your marriage should be (or family in this situation as you are blending his son into it -- which I think is beautiful). I do not see the purpose in the officiant even having a sand color because at the end of the day, 30 years from now as that sand follows you all through life she will have played a small role in this marriage.
Where are you located, if in Los Angeles area I may be able to recommend my officiant to you?
If you really care to argue it with her, I would explain to her that I do not think she understands 1.) the point of a sand ceremony and 2.) this day is not about her and 3.) I REALLY really wouldn't want her sand in something so sentimental. Especially as dismissive as she is being. She is not God, or love, or chemistry, or fate, or whatever it is she is trying to portray as the third sand. I think its beautiful that you would include his son and I hope you do do this.
Anyway, to answer your question -- no. I have never seen this done at a reception but I would not care or think it was weird if I did. Do it before your first dance together, have someone cap and remove it for the two of you for later and then just go into the dance as if nothing happened. If anyone does think it is weird ( they wont), they wont have time to question it as you have already moved into the next segment.
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Devoted May 2018
Kaitlin · on April 24, 2018 at 5:05 PM
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I live in PA, actually. I also agree that I do not want her having a piece in our sand ceremony like that. I was also just so thrown off that she said his son could hold the funnel instead... like what? We’re not even having a funnel anyway because the whole top moves over for the sand to go in.

Thanks for your input on putting it into the reception. It definitely makes me feel better about doing it this way.
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