Save-the-date/pre-ceremony

Send save the dates to those invited only. Announcements afterward to those not invited. Do not send announcements prior because that is highly offensive and says "you're not good enough" in the most passive aggressive way. The older generations do know this is how it's done from decades prior.

I thought about doing that as well since we want a small wedding but to still announce it to everyone we aren't inviting, but we decided not to. When I asked my mom and looked for advice online and such, it was a very big "no-no" to send anything to anyone that isn't invited prior to the wedding. We've since decided to not do save the dates, and just send invitations early. In this COVID era the guest list was always going to be small (regardless it would have been, because of &dollar, so hopefully your friends' families would understand (especially if it's older folks). As far as wording advice goes though, I think other ladies have covered it!

At the end of the day, you're gonna try your hardest to not upset anyone and it's going to be the couples' faults if things go south. Good luck!

Yikes. This is all very tacky to send anything to anyone who isn’t invited. Do they still expect gifts from these people? I would just send save-the-dares to people invited and have word-of-mouth to non guest. Still cost effective, and not rude to send something to someone who is not invited

And if they’re still wanting to send a wedding announcement to non-guest, save a nice picture from the wedding for next years Christmas cards haha

My father got these two conflated, too.

What your friends are talking about is an engagement announcement. They are not the same as STDs, and are *seriously* old-fashioned (think newspaper announcements and all that).

If you want to do that, then the best thing to do is to create something entirely separate from STDs. Those only go out to people who are invited, and they include the date. The announcement doesn't have to be specific.

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No, they are not wanting gifts from anyone invited or not invited. They simply are trying to figure out a way to not offend their family members. Thank you.

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Yea, they are just really trying to figure out the best way not to offend their family members. We are more than likely going down the announcement route.

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Thank you for your input. We will probably just go the announcement route, cancel out the save the dates, and send out invites early.