Skip to main content

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Kelly
Dedicated October 2022

Save the dates and etiquette

Kelly, on March 31, 2022 at 8:42 PM Posted in Planning 3 23

Hello all: I wanted to see what others are doing as far as save the dates. My understanding is that they do not have to match your invitations in color or theme or in any way at all, and can be pretty light hearted and casual. So we’re gonna do something fun and different from our lovely floral invitations.. My question is when you send your save the date card, I’m reading that in that envelope, you should put an enclosure card to notify people if the wedding/reception is adults only as well as information or an enclosure card about accommodations. Is that the case ?

Do you send that with the save the date card instead of waiting until you send the invites since that doesn’t give people much notice of the situation? And would you send it again when you send the invitation? There isn’t room to put it on the save the date card so do you order enclosure cards?

I am also reading that when you use enclosure cards, they should match invitations which would make no sense if my save the dates don’t match my invitations. This is all just information I’m reading online, so I guess I can always do what I want , but I just want it to look nice and I kind of like to do things the proper way so would love advice. I think it’s very important for me to make sure that the people I am inviting are very aware that children cannot come and I feel like that information should be given very early on versus waiting until invites go out.


23 Comments

Latest activity by Daniella, on October 28, 2023 at 3:07 PM
  • Jasmine S.
    VIP May 2022
    Jasmine S. ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Save-the-dates only need to include the date and city where the wedding will take place. I've never seen one with additional inserts. I would hold off on any other info because you won't have those details finalized until closer to the wedding.
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Dedicated October 2022
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you!!
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    In our families and social circles, save the dates are verbal only over the phone and have been for decades. The only information needed is the date and city/state, as well as your names that you go by.


    Adult only information for the wedding is as simple as not addressing the invitation to any uninvited children and immediately get in touch with anyone who rsvps for them. In some circles it is a faux pas to say “adult only” anywhere on the invitation or an insert.
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Dedicated October 2022
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank god for this website lol I’m horrible at this type of stuff. I have not finished my wedding website yet so have not handed out the address but made a note on it basically saying, due to venue limitations only children of immediate family will be able to attend. I am glad to hear your thoughts on this. Thank you. I was thinking the same thing I could address the envelopes to husband and wife versus the whole family. But for example, I had a cousin who said,”well my wife probably be won’t be able to come but I can bring one of the kids.” I just want to avoid situations like that but I guess I won’t worry about it until the rsvp and then if that happened I could talk to him. Thanks! I just had a distant family member who sent out a save the date that had an enclosure card with accommodations as well as registry so I’m just so confused everybody seems to do different stuff.
    • Reply
  • Pat
    Rockstar May 2023
    Pat ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    Our S-T-D (magnets) have our wedding website listed on them. Most guests are coming from out of state, so by providing the website they can find all the other information needed to attend ..... Hotel blocks, airports, transportation options, etc. They also happen to match my invitations - mainly because I just love the design ! (Magnet Street.com)

    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Dedicated October 2022
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Thanks Pat! Nice idea!
    • Reply
  • Candace
    Super March 2022
    Candace ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    You're going to find that everyone does things a little different depending on their circumstances and what's important to them. There are no hard and fast rules but things are done based on experience and logic. So I think Save the dates should include very little detail because you still 6-8 months for things to change. But if your wedding is in a town/season where hotels book up 6 months out, it might be a good idea to include accommodations like a hotel block or whatever. I understand your logic about guests knowing ahead of time that children aren't invited. I think it's fine to put that the wedding is an adults-only event but you really should be certain. You don't want to go back and forth about it after the STDs go out.
    As far as matching goes, I've never paid attention to this as a guest.
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Expert April 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    We sent Save the Date postcards, which included our names, date, city, state (on the front) and our website (on the back). We included any info that would typically be on an enclosure card (traditionally part of wedding invitation suite only) there, if people wanted to learn more or book travel early (We sent them about 8 months out). We duplicated some of this information when we sent out our formal wedding invitation suite (about 10 weeks out).
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Expert April 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Clarification: By “there,” I mean on our website.
    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Save the dates are usually sent 6-8 months in advance, and invitations 6-8 weeks beforehand. They definitely don't have to match so have fun with it. STD's are optional only, but once you send one you have to follow up with an invitation so make sure your guest list is final!

    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Dedicated October 2022
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Candace, thank you. I appreciate your taking the time to answer my questions. I am finding out everyone definitely does it differently!
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Dedicated October 2022
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you Samantha. That is very helpful. I think the modern day ability to have wedding website is most useful these days!
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Dedicated October 2022
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you Jacks. Good points!!
    • Reply
  • Paige
    VIP October 2022
    Paige ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Save the dates are mostly just a heads up about when and where the wedding is, so you can definitely make them more fun and light-hearted. You don't need to worry about any inserts or anything. If you want to give guests more info, you can include a link to your wedding website and have the info there. I'd recommend making sure your website at least has info about any hotel blocks you've reserved, the closest airport, and a Q+A section that has something about the wedding being "adults only" before sending the save the dates so your guests who want to start making arrangements are fully informed. Also, make sure that whoever you address the save the date to is on your final guest list.

    For ours, we put our names, wedding date, and the city/ state of the wedding on the front, and the back has a joke about how many days it'll be between our engagement and wedding day since we had to postpone due to covid. We have the link to our website on the back as well, and the website is where all the info is at. I made a point to get the website done before the save the dates went out so everyone will be able to find everything they need when they visit the site.

    • Reply
  • Grace
    Super February 2022
    Grace ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Save the dates and etiquette 1

    Save the dates and etiquette 2

    Here is what my Save the Dates looked like. We went simple and informal and sent postcards. The colors matched our wedding colors and Invitations, but that is by no means a requirement! We chose to go light on the details provided and kept it to date, time, location, and who was invited (we listed each guest by name in the address block). All additional info we put on our website and on the formal invitation. You are free to include as much or as little info as you want but the less you write, the more likely your guests are to remember it!

    As for timing, the general rule is to send Save The Dates somewhere between a year and 6 months out. The people I have heard who sent theirs a year in advance had destination weddings. Most people shoot for 6-8 months. I hope this helps!

    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Dedicated October 2022
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you Paige: I was thinking last night I better update my site more before sending these! I didn’t want the site to be too wordy but let’s face it there is a lot to say. I would love to put information on the wedding site about dinner rehearsal but not everybody’s invited to that so I feel like I can’t really do that. I guess I’ll just put an enclosure in the wedding invite to the people that are invited to that part. I’m thinking of finding a way to do a fun map at some point since this is out of state for folks.
    Due to venue restrictions on numbers and me wanting to keep it smaller I can only have my fiancé’s grandson and my 13 year old neice. I feel awful telling people no kids but for immediate family, but it’s what I want and financially I’m not paying for everyone’s children. Plus inviting those little extras means cutting out old friends and I don’t want to do that due to numbers. I hear it’s bad to say “no kids anywhere” or “adults only” but I have to say it or someone will assume it’s ok . I basically said, due to venue number restrictions we regret that only children of immediate family will be able to attend. (2) so I feel people should not be overly mad at that. I love that you had a Q and A section. I’ll do that! Best to you!!
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Dedicated October 2022
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Grace, thank you. I like your invites! I love the little pencil us in! So cute. I appreciate hearing the different things people put. It is a trip for most of my guests to the west coast and we got engaged in Feb and are having an October wedding; so it is rushed and I feel I need to get these little cards out! Thanks for sharing your cards!
    • Reply
  • Orianna
    Devoted December 2022
    Orianna ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Here's ours. We just sent them out last week and they were very simple.

    Save the dates and etiquette 3

    I made sure our website was ready to go before we sent them out, and we have a FAQ section on our website with any questions, as well as hotel suggestions etc. Ours do match our invites, but that's because that's what I wanted. I wanted the entire suite to match from the Save the Dates down to the table numbers on the day.

    There doesn't need to be a ton of info, the formal invite and the website can handle that.

    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Dedicated October 2022
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Hi Orianna: thanks! They are very elegant. Sometimes less is better too. I don’t want ours to be very wordy. Thank you for sharing.
    • Reply
  • E
    Devoted August 2022
    Emily ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I put the wedding website on the STD, so that as we get more information, they know where to look.

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics