Save the dates

A save the date is very different than the actual invitation. It’s a heads up with no obligation to actually save anything at all. The only info necessary to provide is the name of the couple, a date and general location for the wedding. They are usually sent 6-8 months ahead as opposed to invitations which should be mailed no sooner than 6-8 weeks before a wedding. Some people include photos, which can be any photos, including engagement photos, if any, while others use no photo at all. Engagement photos are optional and don't have to be for anything but your own personal use.


Wedding invitations do not traditionally include any photos but there may be a link to a wedding website. Websites can feature photos, but again, don’t have to.

There is a belief that save the dates are a new post-Covid concept but they have actually existed as long as weddings have taken place. It’s only post-Covid and a few years prior that magnets and postcards became the standard, whereas verbal communication worked without issue for decades and millennia. Now, people are told that verbal communication for relaying save the date information is not acceptable when it is suggested as an alternative.


Etiquette says that when a save the date is sent, it must be followed by an invitation, and it is a faux pas to revoke them. So in a way they are one and the same. They are a less formal thing than the wedding invitation. If someone is uninvited, then the relationship is considered over at that point, unless the etiquette of cancelling the wedding with cancellation notices sent out and starting over planning a new wedding is followed.
Engagement pictures in the current time are put on save the dates. The previous generation and those before it nearly all traditionally included the engagement photos as an insert in the wedding invitation. As a whole, they are essentially a practice run with your photographer, getting to know them at work and helping you relax in front of the camera.

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Save the date cards have been common for many years before Covid. They were actually considered in poor taste a generation or ago for being overly competitive. The standard was just to send invitations within the typical time frame. Any needed heads up were done on an individual basis, whether by way of a letter, in person, or on the phone. There is still nothing whatsoever wrong etiquette-wise with that or having no STD at all.

You're right that a STD implies an invitation will follow and that short of a wedding being cancelled or rescheduled in another form, it would be rude not to follow up, but they are not one and the same. For one thing, a STD does not come with any expectation of a reply or for any obligation to actually "save the date." Just because you may have received one STD earlier than the other does not obligate you to attend that wedding, either.

I agree it's rude if someone does not follow through with an invitation, but it doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is over. While in poor taste, I'd say that's for the guest in question to decide. There could be extenuating circumstances. For example, I know of a groom's family who were told to supply names for save the dates only to be told by the bride's family they had to cut 30 people from their list last minute when there was a sudden change of venue. As far as I know they lost no friends.

I've received STDs that do not feature a photo. They aren't so uncommon. I've never heard of engagement photos as an insert in a wedding invitation being a traditional thing in the past generation. Common inserts were directions and accommodation info and a reply card. Maybe that was a common thing in your circles.