I have recently come to feel that my best friends do not really care about me getting married. We got engaged September 2018 and I was very excited to announce to my friends that I got proposed to and I created a photo collage along with my hashtags that alluded to my plans. One of the hashtags #SeptemberElopement. We actually just planned to traditional elope because I felt like my friends had so much going on (one was pregnant and one was planning on buying a house) that I did not want to bombard them with being in a wedding but forums were suggesting that ppl get hurt when they feel like they were not even told, so I announced it to them. I feel like the reactions were the driest atleast. Just “congrats”. None of my closest and oldest friends asked how she proposed and no one actually asked for clarifying details about me saying we were eloping. It was very strange that when I sent the same announcement out to my coworker friends and newer friends, I got responses like: “what is an elopement” and “are you allowing witnesses”. Also a select few of family members were upset because when they asked the funneling questions, I told everyone it was just going to be her & I. They expressed that they wanted to be there and witness us getting married and I had a long heartfelt conversation with cousin which is a male and I didn’t recognize that some ppl really wanted to come even though it is in a far away country. I started to feel bummed that these friends a month later did not ask me any questions and I spoke to my psychologist and she told me that maybe ppl were in shock and I should open up conversation. So I created a text announcement that was a FAQ. I consolidated all the questions that others has asked me because maybe my best friends had these questions going through their head. My one best friend texted back “Girl, you and this FAQ lol” and my other best friend did not even respond. It’s just kind of upsetting because I have done everything everyone has asked for years and years. I was the maid of honor for one of my best friends, been to countless bridal showers, baby showers, engagement parties, gender reveal party, etc. I have gone above and beyond for my friends (going to florist appointments, making diaper cakes, buying expensive presents) and I feel I am just not getting the same energy from my friends and family. One of the questions I had in the FAQ: “will there be any events”. I stated that I would like a bachelorette party and preferably in July.
Two weeks later I texted my two best friends in group message: “Hey ladies, let me know your thoughts. I’m thinking Vegas, Miami or New Orleans for the bachelorette party for July 2019”. I forgot to mention that I sent the FAQ October 2018. My pregnant friend texts back: “I do not know because of my pto” and my other friend texted back: “it’s what ever you want” and they just left it at that. I started to feel really confused because they did not entertain it at all and it felt very dry. I completely understand my friend is pregnant but communicate that this something you are not interested in, just don’t give me an excuse about pto and the year hasn’t started yet. I am telling you ahead of time so you can pencil me and my other friend is in the military and has drills on weekends. If you are planning on buying a house and I know how stressful it can be about saving because we just bought a house too and then also bought an investment property. Why not communicate your pricing limitations or tell me your availability and not just say it’s whatever I want. I felt like they were both setting themselves up for a premeditated back out. Also keep in mind that I am the planner of the group. So I was planning on putting the whole trip together but no one gave me any feedback which made me feel really bummed. So I talked to one of my newer friends who just got recently married and she suggested that maybe the girls just weren’t up for traveling and that I should do a bridal shower. Again, I was gonna plan the cramp myself. Also keep in mind I hate all types of showers to be honest because I feel they are about the gifts but that’s my personal feelings. Lol. I announced in January, I would be having a shower.
Still not one of them asked me about my elopement which i opened up for guests. They didn’t ask me was I planning on wearing a dress. They didn’t ask me anything. Didn’t ask me if I was excited. April comes around and I just became feed up and asked myself why am I even planning this shower if no one even cares and I don’t even want one. I just wanted to celebrated and showed that they cared. So I canceled it with out telling anyone. Around the end of April my friend that was pregnant texted me saying “what do you need help buying for the shower” and told her that it was canceled and now they all started acting so concerned. I’m assuming she screenshot my messages and they sent it amongst each other because none of they were all texting me individually around the same time. I told them that I did not want a shower to begin with and that I wanted a bachelorette party and it felt like no one cared and that I went about my business and took my money I had for my shower and booked a trip for my fiancé and I for lesbian week in Miami in May and I booked a trip to Vegas in September and we extended our elopement trip. She acted so surprised to here my plans and said she did not know I wanted a bachelorette party. That made me furious. How did you not know and I said it in my FAQ and texted y’all together about it? It just made me furious. It is now August and my one friend called and left me a 20 min voicemail basically saying that I’m being childish and inconsiderate because I’m getting married in Asia. She felt like there was silent pressure for them attend and that isn’t feasible for people that got stuff going on in their lives.
Whewww I felt like this was a lot.
