Seat people by family or generation?

We mixed generations at some of our tables because that’s what made sense for us. We also have family members from one single generation that span 30 years so seating just cousins together would have had 18 year olds sitting with 45 year olds anyway. Do what makes sense for your and your FH and don’t worry about what his parents think.

You don't have to do both sides the same way. I sat my cousins on my dad's side with the parents mostly bc that's how the number worked. Cousins on mom's side had their own table. H's cousins were a mix of with parents and with each other/family friends depending on how the table numbers worked out. Seat your family however you want (I would feel weird about mixing mine and H's cousins too) but let FI or his mom take a stab at the seating chart for his side and just tell them your cousins would rather sit as you have them.

We are seating family together and then mixing friends by common interests and also age group

For friends we will seat them by group (summer camp friends, college friends, etc). But for family I think by generation is better. Our first cousins alone will take up about four tables, but they love each other and this is how they're used to being seated. I think it's more comfortable to be seated with people your own age rather than with your parents. He has 21 aunts and uncles and so I see us spreading them out among a few tables with my aunts/uncles, our parents' friends, etc. I think it's fun to mix and match so every table won't just be bride's side or groom's side. (If we did that, my side would be vastly outnumbered)

Definitely seat people with who you think they'd enjoy spending time with the most. I'd much rather my guests be comfortable with who they're sitting with than trying to force our families to "blend" - I want dinner to be enjoyable for all, which generally means seating people with others that they know.

I agree with Lady - you don't have to seat your guests in the same manner. On my dad's side, I know my siblings and many cousins will want to sit together at one (pretty large) table and my parents and my dad's brothers/their wives will want to sit together at another table. My mom's side is much smaller, so her whole family will fit at one table. FH's family also isn't that big (slash we're not inviting some of them due to family drama - FH's parents' choice!) so his dad's side will get one table and his mom's side will get another.

If the father gets upset you can tell him there is always the option to throw out the seating chart and allow people to seat themselves and then ask him where they would seat if there was no seating chart. They would sit with their parents, or favorite relatives no way would they destroy themselves with strangers even if the same age. It's your wedding. Tell him thanks for the input and then do what makes the most sense for you and your fiance.

They should butt out of your seating chart! You’ve put a lot of thought into it and it’s ultimately your call, and your system sounds great.


Growing up, I had a crew of cousins from one family and at every single one, my group of cousins was sat by age, so it was me and my brother and my two cousins close in age, plus the 2-3 cousins from the other side who we only knew from these weddings but we’re seated with without fail...guess our age group fit a table very conveniently haha. It was always awkward. We didn’t have a ton in common with them and they were pretty shy , which is fine, but I feel like they subdued us too. I looked forward to cousin time but that , without fail, only happened after dinner finished and the cousin’s cousin’s went to hang out with the rest of their family (and they always ALWAYS did). We had 8 cousins in that family, so 8 weddings with that seating arrangement , and it never got more comfortable.
At my wedding, I had a million cousins from my mom’s side, about 4 from my dad’s side, two from H’s mom’s side and 1 from H’s dad’s side. If we sat generationally there would be a couple very random tables! I sat those from the small batches of cousins with their families (mixed generations), and the million from my mom’s side all got sat together (they took up 3 tables 😱), knowing they were all cousins (or siblings) of eachother and all of them would be happy to catch up with any of the crowd.
It’s all about what will make the guests most comfortable! There are a lot of times I’ve been thrilled to be able to sit with my parents instead of stuck with a group of random peers....I’ve been to weddings where it’s been a table of misfits and that’s been fine (none of us knew eachother so we all had a good time getting to know eachother), but every time it’s been a couple different groups that know eachother, the cross socialization has been bad. Like a couple polite minutes greeting eachother and then everyone turns to the group they know — of course that’s fine if you need to do it and In Plenty of cases it’s necessary, but the point is just that I’ve never seen it lead to the big bonding experience the parents seem to think it will be

You can do it either way. Most people who already know each other will gravitate toward those people. If they are shy, they may not feel comfortable opening up to strangers. Some couples seat guests with those who have similar interests even if they don’t know each other. It really depends. But no one is required to stay in their seats after dinner.

Unless FH's parents are financially contributing to the wedding, I'd take their feedback with a grain of salt. It sounds like the chemistry at tables, and therefore the mood of the reception, might flow better the way that you had set it up.

Seat people with who they’d be comfortable with. It doesn’t have to “match” according to family. Most people mingle, and will only stay seated for dinner anyway.

I think you had the right idea in the first place. Seat people where you think they'd be with people they'd enjoy sitting next to. Your goal is to ensure your guests are comfortable and have a good time, beyond that there are no rules.

I like your original idea, personally. I think it will help keep the dinner calm and quiet, then they can mix up their seating once the dancing starts. I rarely see everyone sit at the same table the entire reception, they'll likely naturally start mixing and socializing once dinner is over.

Agree with what most others have said, seat them how you think they'd be most comfortable and what fits best for your numbers. It doesn't have to be the same for both sets of families, and truthfully dinner is only an hour. After that people will walk around, dance, mingle, etc. and it won't matter.

My mom tried to comment on my seating chart and I hid it from her lol. You and your FH are the only two people that will know the entire guest list and will have a very good idea of where to seat people to reduce issues. I trust that you're doing what's best for YOUR wedding and they should too.