Second Postponement-still Feeling Uneasy

My husband and I got married in a small ceremony last summer during the lockdown. Marrying him was one of the best things I’ve done, but the day was awful. We’d planned to postpone the big celebration to June 2021. This January, we ended up deciding to cancel the postponed June celebration, mostly because my husband really didn’t want a wedding. We decided to just do pictures instead so I would get to wear my dress. Well, when I put on my dress for my first alterations appointment, I knew I would always regret not having a wedding if we just “skipped it” because my husband didn’t “really care.”


I did some research, looked at the guest list, and we went and looked at a large room in a restaurant today. It was perfect-not tiny, not huge, beautiful with very little decor, and the food will be amazing. We put down a deposit for 65 guests in September (way downsized from the 250 person wedding we originally planned) and I was super excited. As I sit here thinking about it, I feel like I’ve made another mistake even though I do feel September will be a much better time.
I get my second COVID vaccine tomorrow and my husband will be fully vaccinated by the end of May. I feel, on the whole, things are on the right track to be able to have a celebration, but with so many cancellations and disappointments, I’m overwhelmed with dread and regret. I’ve had little to no support from friends and family (been told multiple times I’ve had my “turn” and I’m “drawing this out unnecessarily.”). My mom threw a tantrum when she wasn’t fully getting her way (I only wanted 20-30 people max, but the current list is around 75-80 to appease her). I so badly want to be excited and jump back into planning, but I’m seriously struggling.
Any ideas of things I can do myself? I don’t expect or anticipate anybody in my life to do anything constructive (this is normal for me).