Skip to main content
ARE YOU A VENDOR?

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Rachel
Super June 2022

Second thoughts on my wedding party...

Rachel, on November 6, 2020 at 1:33 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 17
Saved
Reply

Hi, Everyone -

Has anyone ever had to possibly change their wedding party lineup after doing some more thinking? As of now, our wedding party is most likely only going to consist of my best friend (Man of Honor), my sister (a bridesmaid), and my fiancé's brother is going to be his Best Man. We always knew we would have an unconventional and smaller wedding party than most other couples.

I had originally planned to include one other friend of mine in my wedding party but after doing some more thinking, I have realized that he and I are not as close as we used to be. I think we have slowly drifted apart as friends (as sad as that is) and I was only planning on including him mostly out of obligation. I would still invite him to the wedding, but as a guest only.

I did briefly mention the possibility of him being in the wedding party a little while back (before I got engaged) and while he did seem happy about it, he hasn't really mentioned it any more since I got engaged. I also haven't really been discussing any of the wedding planning, etc. with him which is odd if I was planning on having him be in the wedding party. Normally your wedding party are excited and want to cheer you on, but I haven't really gotten that vibe from him since the beginning. I just don't feel that sense of "closeness" that we once shared.

Also, I think that having only two people on my side would make it less "one sided" since my fiancé is only having a Best Man. These are still early days, but I am starting to think that our downsized wedding party idea might be the better option. Has anyone else gone through something like this?

17 Comments

Latest activity by Kierstin, on November 9, 2020 at 9:56 AM
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I recommend only having those who you truly feel closest to by your side on your day. Don't include anyone out of obligation, or just because they asked you to stand up in their wedding, or just to even out the sides. If you don't feel like you're close enough to your friend, I wouldn't include him in the wedding party, but would certainly include him as a guest. You could otherwise ask him to do a reading during the ceremony or be an usher or some other title, if you felt that you wanted to still honor him in a way other than wedding party. If you feel that you and him are close enough for you to include him in wedding party, I say go for it! If the issue is just that he doesn't seem excited to talk wedding, I think that's common. I know I don't really discuss wedding plans with my bridesmaids (unless it's about details relevant to them), and they don't really ask me about how planning is going either. Though I would wait until about a year before the wedding before asking wedding party - I've seen many times on these forums where people regret their choices by asking too soon.
    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    I second ALL of this.

    • Reply
  • Rachel
    Super June 2022
    Rachel ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    Hi, Lisa -

    Thanks for your feedback on this, I completely agree. I think I'll wait until we're a year out and see how everything stands before I make a final decision on anything. I just know that as of right now, I am leaning more towards just having him be a guest. It's sad, but I think that's what I would be most comfortable with. Time will tell!

    • Reply
  • M
    Super October 2022
    Michele ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Most people wait till 6 months before the wedding to pick their attendants. Either way, they should only be your nearest and dearest bestest of friends/relatives. This is not a tit for tat role that you fill out of obligation.
    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Super October 2021
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    I agree with this! We are each having one person on our side. While my fiancé could easily have 7-8 and I don't consider anyone other than my sister close enough to stand by my side. We wanted even sides so one person it is. Both of my brother, who I am close with, will be ushers or escorts with our mom down the aisle.

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree with this! Those closest to you.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Master April 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    So many good & valid points that have been shared! Totally agree! I’ve seen a ton of forums where the bride gets caught up in the moment & asks, only to regret it later. Especially if you’re getting a vibe now. You have time to ask.
    • Reply
  • Rachel
    Super June 2022
    Rachel ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Yes, definitely! It’s a shame, but I think I need to go with my gut on this one. He’ll always be a good friend from years back, but at this point he’s kind of just become an acquaintance that I only talk to every now and then.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Master April 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Like I tell my daughter all the time- “what’s your gut telling you? It’ll never steer you wrong!”
    • Reply
  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I had second thoughts about one person. Before getting engaged I thought I would have my bff as my maid of honor, but I also wanted my mom as my matron of honor. I never mentioned it to either that I was thinking about having them in the wedding. When I got engaged and really put thought into it I decided to go with just my mom as matron of honor and have her as a bridesmaid. But because she is a bad friend and a very jealous one at that, she talked bad about my ring and us getting engaged. The ring is from my fiancés grandmother so it really upset him that she made a nasty comment to me about it, in an attempt to trying to put me down like her usual self. That's when I decided she wouldn't be in the wedding party at all. She text me asking who I was having as my MOH I told her my mom. She took to Facebook to call me a bad friend because I ruined her bucket dreams and how horrible I am to tell her in text. I told her I didn't want her in the wedding for numerous reasons, then told her in so many words that I no longer need this drama filled friendship anymore. And that was the end of that. It was a difficult decision until she made it easy with her jealous remarks.
    • Reply
  • Rachel
    Super June 2022
    Rachel ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    WOW! Sounds like you dodged a major bullet there. I bet if you had stuck with your original plan, this friend would have made it a painful and stressful process for you. Not worth it!
    • Reply
  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    She definitely would have. And she would have done everything to make it about her. Just like you I felt obligated at first to have her in the wedding cause we were bffs and she used to be a good friend when we were in school. But I'm so thankful that I gave it thought and that she made those nasty remarks otherwise I definitely would be regretting it if I had her in the wedding.
    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I had a lot of issues with my bridal party so I highly recommend not asking anyone or really even mentioning your bridal party to anyone until about ten months out. There really is no need to do ask any earlier as relationships can and definitely do change over time so you don't want to ask someone too soon then end up regretting. Also, you really should only ask people you can't imagine not standing next to you rather than asking someone out of obligation.

    • Reply
  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    I feel as if timing isn't always the issue. I've seen people on here complain about how they ask their good friends 8 months before the wedding only to regret their decision 2 months later because weddings bring out the worst in people. But I agree asking people who you couldn't imagine life without is the best option.
    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree that timing isn't always the issue, but the poster isn't getting married for over a year so there is no reason for her to rush her decision. I asked my girls at about 9 months and had numerous issues. One was that I picked a friend I was concerned if she would be reliable and surprise surprise she wasn't. Another completely blindsided me because I thought she was my best friend, but it turned out she was a fantastic liar and was gossiping behind my back for months. So it is also important to pick people you know are supportive and you can rely on.
    • Reply
  • Ashley
    Dedicated May 2021
    Ashley ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Yes! Go with who you feel is really there for you. I wish I had thought more about it.

    • Reply
  • Kierstin
    Savvy August 2020
    Kierstin ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I had to kick one of my bridesmaids because she was incredibly unreliable and didn’t really show any care about being in a wedding. Trust me, it made our day go by so much smoother and it took some anxiety away. She always ran late to things or left early or just didn’t show up and didn’t respond to all the bridesmaid outings we planned. This in turn made me feel like the wedding was going to be the same problem with her.
    I paid her back for her dress and gave her extra money for getting a pedicure for the day (we let her off a couple days before). She understood and said she would still be there to support me. She never showed up. I haven’t talked to her since.
    It’s you and your S/O day. If you don’t feel someone in your party is there for you or doesn’t show any interest in the wedding, then take that anxiety off of yourself. Choose people who really care for you two. It makes the whole day better.

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

Do You Have to Include Family in Your Wedding Party?
Etiquette Do You Have to Include Family in Your Wedding Party? Traditional etiquette suggests that you should include close family members in...
5 Ways to Cope With Wedding Party Burnout
Wedding Party 5 Ways to Cope With Wedding Party Burnout Whether you're in the wedding party for one or (many) more loved ones this year,...
The Ultimate Guide to Greek Wedding Dances
Speeches & Traditions The Ultimate Guide to Greek Wedding Dances Rompi Rompi to Mavi Mavi, kick off your shoes and get ready to review classic...
Read more articles
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

Show more

WeddingWire article topics