Second Timers- walking down memory lane

Second timer here. Yes, definitely having some PTSD. Specially since I used my ex mil dress.... I purposely got lace dress with more of a off white than ivory this time. I'm so happy though. This time is My wedding not hers!

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Oh yeah yikes. I honestly wish I had someone's dress to wear but I come from a long line of divorced, multiple marriages, and single women. FH's side isn't better. Like I want to do everything the polar opposite of what I did the first time. BUT I still have the same tastes that brought me to those conclusions lol

View Quoted Comment Lol I was really young and stupid then... I let her do whatever she wanted with my wedding but you know... We learn from those mistakes so I'm doing it my way and I'm glad I am! Although I can't ask anyone for help since I feel like I can't being my second wedding and having my parents (not my ex mil cause she was broke af like legit) pay for it all... So, I am doing it all myself, paying for it all myself but it will be what I want you know.
We can do this! This is our moment and we are the winner, the us of now wins! You know what I mean right? Lol

I honestly more feel like I'm competing with FH's first, rather than my own. Mine was kind of a joke, and everything was disappointing. FH knows that, so he's letting me do just about anything I want this time, within reason, including change my mind a million times.

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Same girl! Same. 18 when I married EH. He convinced me to elope and have no one there. He was abusive and I didn't see the pattern of isolation/ financial abuse until I was knee deep and two kids into it.

I totally know what you mean! We do win now. And things are going to be marvelous, as I keep telling myself. Ha.

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Aww I totally get that too. I asked FH not to bring up his first wedding unless it was taking a similar feel to it. He doesn't have pictures or anything either (times before social media) so that's at least somewhat helpful.

It's been beyond easy to top my first wedding - it was kind of thrown together last minute and nothing was how I wanted due to finances. I didn't even get to pick my wedding colors because my maid of honor (my niece, daughter of my brother) was only 16 and her dad refused to buy another dress so she had to wear what she'd worn to winter formal earlier that year. Despite a 5 year age difference my niece and I were very close and it mattered more that she be in my bridal party than the color of the dress, but I'm still miffed that even small decision was taken away.

This June 16th would have been our 18th wedding anniversary.

My PTSD is more from fear of being widowed again than anything. When we first got engaged I had so many nightmares about losing FH, too. My first husband passed away from leukemia after just under 4 years of marriage at the age of 30, I was 25.

My mom was widowed at 49 and gave me some amazing advice that ended my nightmares, though. Nothing out of the ordinary - something along the lines of it's better to have loved and lost than never loved at all but it was what I needed to hear at the time. In my mom's special brand of bluntness, of course. But it helped majorly and no dreams about it since.

I'm 39 now and fh is just amazing. The way he shows love for me and my 2 sons from my first marriage is beyond anything I ever hoped for. Saturday can't come quickly enough.

Yes! Or not really competing, but wanting everything completely different. I was 21 at my first wedding, we were poor and did everything at the wedding to please our families instead of what we wanted.

I feel like the second time I know what I want and it's more about having a great marriage than worrying about a perfect wedding.

Second timer here as well. I didn't love my dress the first time. It was my something borrowed and while I felt pretty it was a prom dress, and I didn't get the whole bridal experience. I have the right groom this go round! I was 21 that time, and i'm about to turn 50

Im actually a third timer. This time I’m getting the wedding I always wanted. Private ceremony in Hawaii. My first wedding was a huge traditional church thing. Second was smaller but much bigger than I wanted. This time it’s just about us. I know I have the right partner this time. I try not to let the fact that’s its my 3rd distract from how amazing life with him his. It deserves a celebration.

This is my second marriage. I am not even close to the same person who got married at 22, At 22, I wanted traditional. I went with other people's suggestions. I did everything etiquette dictated. I was reserved and quiet. I had no idea who I was. I had been with my exhusband since I was 17 and our lives were so intertwined that I never really got to be ME. That is what eventually caused our divorce. I grew up and changed...a lot. He stayed the same conservative, backwards, people pleasing guy he's always been. I was bored out of my mind and super unhappy. 4 years after begging him to go to counseling with me and find some way to salvage the relationship (we have kids together), and him refusing...he FINALLY decided to go with me. By then, it was too late. I was so very done.

This time, I am me. I know what I like. I am unapologetic for being non-traditional. I don't think I need to worry about comparing the two celebrations because I don't want anything I wanted back then...except to be happily married.