Secret ceremony

You definitely don't want to keep it a secret. Like Caytlyn said, there have been other posts on here about brides and grooms who did this then their family and friends found out and they were livid. Given the circumstances, I think people will be more understanding why you are choosing to get married now and have a vow renewal later on.

Would your parents be understanding if you explained it to them and possibly even included them? Even over Zoom? I also previously thought this wasn't a big deal but people have been seriously hurt by later finding out the couple married in secret. I also do agree that there's no point in lying about it, you're both adults.

I mean when people go to the wedding in 2022 and there's no officiant (? so no ceremony?) there is good chance someone is going to be pissed, particularly your parents, particularly if either set of them contributed money toward (what they thought was) the wedding. I understand you're between a rock and a hard place but I don't think lying about it is necessarily the way to go. In 2030 you're going to want to celebrate your 10 year anniversary and not be able to publicly...do you want that for the rest of your life?

No tips, but agree with others that once you're married trying to keep it a secret will almost certainly fail (marriage records are public and if even one person knows, there is a good chance the news will spread...), and when people learn the truth some may be incredibly hurt. I've been on this forum for a couple of years and there have been too many heartbreaking posts about the fall-out from a couple attempting to keep their marriage a secret.... You are absolutely entitled to make whatever choices are right for you, but like with all things there will be consequences of those choices that you'll then have to deal with. Good luck!

Yep - I agree. Just tell people why and and they will understand. But to keep two dates straight, etc, plus lying to people is not cool. To find out I am attending a wedding where they are already married - I would not be cool with that. A renewal of vows? Waaaaay better.

Secrets only hurt - trust us on this one!

Have a little bit of a different suggestion. I agree with many of the PP that trying to keep secret a marriage from your family for over a year will not end well. However instead of getting ‘married’ with your FH best friend in attendance maybe you create a ‘promise’ ceremony. Almost like you are promising yourself to each other and to a future of getting married. It can be a very special ceremony with your BM and your husbands friend participating in a candle lighting or sand type of ceremony. You can even have him say a few words and have it recorded to play at your wedding.

My heart hurts for you both this is not the circumstances I assume your FH wanted to be in with his best friend. Best of luck to you

I always found it sad to elope because I always thought maybe both parties didn't have enough people to support them . Then I found out over the past couple of years that a lot of couples are willing to do it. Even came to the point where it was behind families backs, which can be in turn very messed up. Like what most people said, you should be up front and tell people what you plan on doing and why.