Secret elopement

If you have to do it, do it and then tell your family after the fact. I don't really know anything about paperwork/ military life so maybe someone else can weigh in on that.

But keeping this a secret is a really bad idea.

I agree with PP. Do what you have to do and then tell them later. Especially if you are going to still have the wedding later. You could even just do a court house thing and say that you don't think of it is your real wedding because there was no ceremony. I am sure your family will understand but sometimes it is easier to just ask for forgiveness.

Do you have to elope? Do you want to elope? If you get married on your original day would you have enough time for paper work and so on.? If you elope how would you feel about it? How would you feel about keeping it a secret? If you get married as originally plan would the paper work end up being delay and if so will that be a problem? I'm only asking these questions because you guys should just follow your heart. At the end of the day your marrying the love of your life. I'm sorry I can't be a big help.

Why would your families be upset about this? I don't know the circumstances of the paperwork etc. but if you have to do it, you have to do it! I would just invite your parents to the courthouse ceremony if anything.

I wouldn't lie to them in the first place, but if you decide to elope without telling them, I certainly wouldn't keep it a secret until the wedding... you can't lie to your guests about what the event is that they are attending, and the wording of the ceremony legally can't be the same if you are already married so someone might notice something is up and that will be a huge mess.

Thank you so much for your fiance's service. Is it possible to invite immediate family to the court house (or wherever you are getting legally married)?

Uhm do not lie to your family. Tell everyone upfront you got married in advance and then have a celebration of marriage and reception on your planned wedding date.

If your parents want to be there let them. I am sure they will understand that you don't want to throw two receptions. But can you imagine how hurt your parents will be when they find out they missed your wedding day??

Thank you so much everyone for your input! I think we will just do the court house and let everyone know afterward.

I was discussing with my coworkers and they just said how hurt their parents were when they eloped and my family is so big (both my parents have 4 brothers and sisters who are all married with kids), very close, and I am the first grandchild to get married so it is such a big deal for them i didn't want to take that away. hopefully they will understand.

I don't mind eloping I am just so excited to marry my best friend ( sorry to be cliche)

This is what my parents had to when my dad joined the air force. My mom would not have been able to go when moved to Greece. Just tell them after, they should be understanding of the situation.

I would tell your parents. Ive seen this back fire numerous times on people on this forum. One mother found out and pulled all funding a month before the wedding. Thats how upset she was.

I would keep it as a secret, going to a courthouse to get married is awkward, crowded and basic like going to the DMV. If you already told them your getting married in August then wait, so everybody has time to enjoy the period of engagement and are actually excited. Since you are paying,not them, so you can say no ceremony of officiating if not getting married in church.

View Quoted Comment Wow way to dump on people who chose that path. If it makes it legal,it’s a wedding. Op, go ahead and elope, tell everyone afterward then throw a celebration of marriage in august.

The paperwork really shouldn’t take that long, just to get you in DEERS and get you a dependent ID. Your husband just needs to be on top of all of that. Since the orders are CONUS, you can go with him whether you are married or not. Once you are married the difference is they will pay to move you and your stuff. I’m not sure whether you will need new accompanied orders for this like you would if it was OCONUS.

Noooooo you can't keep something like this a secret from your family. You cannot rob at least your parents of seeing the moment their child gets married.

I would be so incredibly hurt if one of my daughters got married without telling me beforehand. If you elope, that is your actual wedding and as a parent I would want to witness it.

Oh girl! You are living my life!

My husband is in the Navy and we got married last summer but our wedding in next month. I told my mom we were going to the courthouse to get married and she was totally cool with it... but she didn’t tell my dad (she tells my dad everything.. but this). My dad was PISSED when he found out the morning of our courthouse appointment. He was hurt he was the last to know (totally my bad), and he wanted to be there. He envisioned it all in his head and I had no idea. So I felt bad. (Side note: my parents eloped and they tell the story like it was the best thing ever, so it never occurred to me he would be mad)

BUT. I wouldn’t go back and change anything. First, the courthouse wedding was just the two of us and it was so sweet. We loved it and it was simple. If parents were involved it would’ve automatically been complicated. We didn’t want it to be complicated, the real wedding gets to be complicated. We did hire a photographer to take pictures. Second, we are still having a wedding with all the normal stuff in about three weeks.

My husband and I have three moves in our first 12 month of marriage, including One overseas... so we needed to get paperwork started. I will say, from the time we were married to the time I showed up in DEERS as his dependent and he was getting dependent pay was about 4 months (and my husband is a more senior officer who was very on top of it), then it took two trips to a get an ID card because their computers crashed (and evidently it happens weekly and they have to reschedule all appointments?!?!). So it doesn’t hurt to start the process earlier than your wedding date. Alternatively, I could’ve waited and shelled out $3-4K to move myself a couple of months ago, but that made no sense to us when we are already spending a ton of money on a wedding.

My advice is to tell them, explain why you are doing this, and don’t invite them if you don’t want to. But be prepared to put up with a little grief. Or invite them!

My cousin had a similar situation as yours. She hasn’t told her family that she got married before the wedding, and she’s been married for 2 years and they still don’t know she got married 6 months before her wedding. I know and a few others do, but it’s never come up.

On the flip side, if I was getting married to someone in the service (and thank you to your FH for doing what he’s done for our country), my family would be very understanding if I was in the situation like you were. I would sit them down at a restaurant and have the conversation. that Way, everyone will be civil in case you feel you family will get upset and getting married at a courthouse isn’t a second wedding and very affordable.

View Quoted Comment

Yes exactly like you say it's not a celebration going to a court house, it'a a ceremony when you make it with a officiant or by church