Selective Guest List

If someone is upset that they can’t bring a tinder Rando to your big day, then maybe you should take them off the list to LOL. But we’ve had to deal with this. One of our friend has an on again off again relationship. They have been broken up for about a year and she moved out and they are not back together, but still “see each other “. They broke up in a pretty bad way and he found out that she was mirroring his cell phone to snoop on him even though he wasn’t doing anything and worked 60 hours a week.


I was shocked when he asked if he could bring her when we only put his name on the invitation. We were pretty direct about it and blamed it on Covid because in reality that is the exact reason why we cannot possibly add more people is because of our restrictions with Covid.

Address the envelopes only to those who are invited, and add a line on the invites to state that you have reserved _#_ of seats in their honor. If any guests try to RSVP for any additional people who aren't on the list, reach out to those guests directly and say something along the lines of, "Because of COVID restrictions and space limitations, we are sorry that we are unable to accommodate your request for a plus one." If they still try to insist, be firm and tell them no.

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This is what we're doing!

We also have something in our FAQ section of our website that addresses it!

If they're asking to bring an SO, even if it's brand new, it's no longer a plus one, so we'd add if possible. If we're not able to add we'd explain that due to the budget we'd created at the start we weren't able to accommodate the new SO and would look forward to meeting them at a later date, and understand if that person is no longer able to come. Maybe, big maybe because it's more a no-no than anything, let them know if we had any guests RSVP no and were able to fit her in we'd allow it.

If it's someone wanting to bring a friend/person they're 'talking' to/random date then I would just say no, unfortunately we can't fit another guest with them. Sorry if they're not able to make it.

On the reply cards we put that x number of seats were reserved in their honor. We had inner and outer envelopes that we made sure to address so there weren't any questions. I've included some explains below.

Example 1: Married Couple with No Children

Outer Envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Smith

Inner Envelope: Daniel and Michelle Smith

Example 2: None Married Couple

Outer Envelope: Mr. Jones and Ms. Smith

Inner Envelope: Daniel Jones and Michelle Smith

Example 3: Married Couple with Children

Outer Envelope: The Smith Family

Inner Envelope: Daniel, Michelle, Amber and Jackson Smith

Example 4: Someone Bringing a Date that We Didn't Know Name Of

Outer Envelope: Mr. Jones

Inner Envelope: Daniel Jones and Guest

This is a tough one! I understand that people would want to include a plus one, but if you are strict on a certain budget or amount of people to include then make sure to put in the RSVP section (for example they can mark 0 or 1 out of 1. That way it's only just the invited person. If they reach out, which I am sure they will to make an exclusion, just tell them that due to COVID you are unable to add more people onto the list. Good luck!

PP have great strategies for making sure nobody thinks they are getting a plus one. As for explaning, no is a complete sentence. Your guest list is set and you cannot accommodate plus ones. If the same people persist, say that you have made up your mind and are no longer interested in talking about this issue. If you give reasons, people will just try to argue you down.

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I love this.

Thank you for the reminder because I am about to send out my invitations and I am not looking forward to dealing with upset family members especially since this is a 21+ wedding. I have a TON of cousins who are under 21. Even with cutting them out, I still can't even bring our guest list below 225.

The last wedding we went to that restricted plus ones due to the space - people still brought them. Yikes. They literally ran out of chairs because of these people... and those people are from my extended family.

COVID or not, I am not paying $200-250 per head so that singles can have someone with them, hell to the no. Since you are granting +1s for all in relationships, if you haven’t yet issued invitations, send them to the exact name of the invitee (i.e. Ms Georgina Noonan).

If anyone specifically reaches out to you, stand firm but be polite. Our general response so far has been (pre-invitation to people just asking generally) “Hi X, unfortunately we can’t grant you a plus 1 for the wedding. It is nothing personal but something we are simply unable to accommodate.”

I’m sorry you’re having that trouble. I just called our few people and explained we had to cut our list for in person and altho we’d love for them to be able to bring a plus 1 since we don’t know them and they are dating/long term relationship or married to their plus 1 that we couldn’t accommodate them any longer due to the large family fiancé and I have and everyone I told seems to understand and wasn’t upset with me about it. My brother is the only one a little butt hurt but I think he thinks the entire bridal party is with someone when in reality 3 are married and 1 in a long term serious relationship, so I’m just going to talk with him and see the real reason he wants to bring someone he’s not dating and just be honest with him. He’s pretty reasonable so I’m hoping once I explain it then it should be fine.

We’re doing the same thing.. only guests with serious significant others will have plus ones (long-term bfs/gfs, engaged/married couples). I’m having a FAQ on my website with our reasoning as well as if anyone asks I’m going to be sticking to honesty. I think it’s fair to say that you have a limited guest list for your own reasons. You can always say if numbers end up being lower than you planned then you can reconsider later but I also there’s nothing against a hard no. If your guests have a serious issue with not getting a plus-one then it can be their decision on if they attend. I also think it could be a case-by-case basis if you feel you know the plus-one or the guest is really important to you so you feel they should get one.