Self catering reception - success stories?

Did anyone else notice that in addition to self catering her "wedding" (can't really call it that) she is not providing enough food for everyone? 74 plus 9 =/= 80. Listen, bottom line OP, if you ask for advice, and it's not what you want to hear, just move on. That's kind of missing the whole point of asking for advice. The ladies on here have provided very constructive feedback. By all means, do what you want. Just don't ask for any more advice if you're not going to accept it respectfully.

Did anyone else notice that in addition to self catering her "wedding" (can't really call it that) she is not providing enough food for everyone? 74 plus 9 =/= 80. Listen, bottom line OP, if you ask for advice, and it's not what you want to hear, just move on. That's kind of missing the whole point of asking for advice. The ladies on here have provided very constructive feedback. By all means, do what you want. Just don't ask for any more advice if you're not going to accept it respectfully.

Interesting to not the the OP is the only one who has had her responses flagged by WW.

Success story time!!!

We've self catered every family thanksgiving we've had. We usually have about 15 people (all family) max, and thanksgiving is usually insanely hectic and my least favourite holiday because of it.

But we do and and aside from when my grandparents make the turkey and leave it out the night before (my dad has made it ever since then), we've never had anymore food poisoning incidents.

You may think "we host thanksgiving and Christmas every year, and it always works out great!" But think of how hectic those days are when you're doing the cooking for maybe 25 people tops. Those days are insanely hectic!

Now multiply that by 3 (if you actually do manage to host 25 people during the holidays). Holy shit. It's pure insanity. Not to mention the logistics of it all.

No matter what we do, Every. Single. Time. We have thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, by the time the turkey is done, the mashed potatoes, corn, green beans, gravy, and all the other sides, are ALWAYS cold. It's so annoying.

HOW are you going to make everything and keep everything fresh AT THE SAME TIME for 75 people FROM YOUR KITCHEN???? Caterers have huge industrial sized kitchens with special warmers and sanitised utensils and separate raw and cooked utensils and bowls and platters to keep food cooked evenly, kept warm, and most important, to keep it all safe to eat.

AND. they have the staff to do it without wanting to pull their hair out and scream because of the insanity that would be cooking for 75 people in a regular sized kitchen.

I went to a self catered wedding. The two aunts who made all the food beforehand bickered the entire wedding. They missed out on ALL of the reception activities (first dances, cake cutting, etc) because they were in the kitchen staffing the food.

Huge success.

FYI: An avatar about the size of your balls does not make you look any cooler or more badass.

Hey, OP...can we have the link to your blog? As a (non-wedding) blogger who's had 41K plus individual (repeats not counted) hits in eleven months, I'd like to see how it's done..by those who aren't wet behind the ears.

Also, Have fun making 300+ deviled eggs. Sounds like it will be fun.

I'm not even going to touch the self-catering. I'm going to address your comment about reading comprehension.

Another thing they teach in schools (and test with reading comprehension essays!) is critical thinking. The ability to think critically is essential to being a successful adult and means considering all sides of an argument. Saying "tell me about self catering, but ONLY success stories" is like saying "tell me about cutting your own hair while blind folded, but only if it came out good!"

You want success stories but you dont want to hear about failures (of which there are far more) or advice to the contrary (all of which is constructive). Put on your (critical) thinking cap, stop calling everyone rude for being truthful, and open your mind to other options. Or spend less time on public forums and more time researching food safety. Sounds like youre gonna need to learn a thing or two.Best of luck.

I went to a self-catered wedding. I talk to the bride frequently. Nobody got sick and it was beautiful... Idk, I'm sure I'll get hate for that but it's true.

@Eleanor, beautiful self catered weddings do happen, like the one you attended, and (I think) the one I went to. No one said they don't happen. We're saying they're very rare, and the most common situation is people getting sick. Self catered weddings that turn out well are more like the exceptions that define the rule.

Thanks @Olivia for your thoughtful post! I was googling self-catered receptions and came across some great stories. Here is a quote from one that I love: "We also wanted to cook for our guests because it seemed like a real expression of our hospitality, and hoped it would shrink the sometimes overwhelming grandeur of a wedding reception into something familiar and personal: a party where we were the hosts, not the guests of honor." Isn't that lovely?

Here is the link: http://apracticalwedding.com/2012/11/self-catered-winter-wedding/

@Bea Cannolis Thank you for your OPINION. I simply adore it!

@TheCenterPieceFlowers The blog doesn't exist yet. Glad your blog is a success, mine will be too!

@Kelsey - Did it ever occur to you that I asked for success stories for a specific reason? Did it ever occur to you that I had already researched every negative thing about catering my own reception before I started looking for success stories? You have no idea who I am or what kind of critical thinking skills or other skills I posses so you made a HUGE assumption here.

I didn't call people rude for simply being truthful, I called out a few people that I thought posted rude, uncalled for comments. Apparently, some can't take what they dish out, hence my posts being flagged.

Oh If only people listened more, talked less and would refrain from offering unsolicited advice and opinions to people that didn't ask for it.

"I went to a self-catered wedding. I talk to the bride frequently. Nobody got sick and it was beautiful... Idk, I'm sure I'll get hate for that but it's true."

Why would you get hate for posting that? Seriously? Can you share more info like how many people, what they served? Thanks!

Eleanor Rigby...it's one thing to talk to the bride of a self-catered wedding; it's another to talk to her guests. Talk to a bride who did a cash bar (on the etiquette scale, she's one step above the self-catering bride with a guest list of more than 20). Guess what she's going to say? "Everyone had a blast! Nobody cared about our cheapskate cash bar, and we saved thousands of dollars! They all had to pay for their own drunk, and we're perfectly at peace with that. Our wedding was amazing!". Do you know why brides say that? That say that because they can't read the micro-expressions on the faces of their guests who willingly paid for a few drinks at an adult, social, evening event, but who brought that exact subject up the minute they closed their car doors and headed out of the parking lot. It's the same with self-catered weddings. It's a whole lot of "WTF?", but guests will still kiss the cheapskates on the cheek and tell the new Mr. and Mrs. that their wedding was beautiful. My God, what else are they supposed to say? Are they supposed to recoil and mention the fact that they actually smelled the home cooked food before they swallowed it? Are they supposed to admit that the ate the salad and pushed the rest of the food around their plates? Are they supposed to applaud the fact that they had to pull out a personal credit card (or cash) to avail themselves of the bar the couple placed right in front of their faces -- something that was there to keep the party fueled? Why is this so hard to understand? Isn't it common sense?

I'm sure the self-catering bride will go to her to grave (and blog) believing that her "self-catered/cash bar/honey fund/pot luck/give me money/whatever" wedding was just as beautiful and magical as the properly hosted wedding, but if you dig a little further, you will find that there are a select few "nearest and dearest" who don't remember all of the magic and beauty. Why? Because their sweat was dropping from their foreheads in the kitchen, and those drops hit stainless steel, roasting pans, frying pans, carving knives, etc. At the end of the day, they fell into their beds -- probably in their clothes -- completely exhausted and thinking they had a lot of Karma points coming to them. That's why self-catered weddings suck -- for a handful -- even if the bride thinks it was beautiful, amazing, and successful.

Somebody covered the couple's collective asses at the cost of their own sweat. Those are the people I'd like to hear from -- not the bride who saved a boat load of money without investing in the sweat equity that was obviously expended on her "beautiful" wedding day.

E-Tex...don't take this personally. I think you're a wonderful, hard-working woman who may have the only success story the OP is looking for. For some reason, probably your obvious intelligence, I think you may be the one person who could actually write the story the OP is looking for.

Excuse me You talked to a bride who self catered. It was me, and I have all the advantages that many people don't.

You have an agenda and have used us to research it.

But you'll obviously do it anyway. Pass the ham.

So let me get this straight....You're asking for blog research. You've already researched high and low and found all kinds of negative information on it. So in order to find positive feedback you've posted the question on a forum where you know it's a frowned upon idea? And you somehow object to the fact that you're not getting the responses you want?

That's kind of like like going on safari to search for a unicorn for your zoology class, and blaming your guide when you don't find one.

OP- if you understand that having a self catered wedding comes along with the risk of being totally stressed on your wedding day (or family members being stressed), potentially having a food poisoning nightmare, having a huge mess to clean up after (which will likely cause some compromises, like plastic solo cups and hefty plates), then by all means go for it.

Previous posters are warning you that having those risks aren't worth it, not for your big day. And I'm calling them risks but let's face it, there's about a 100% chance you'll AT LEAST be stressed. Most women feel a little stressed on their wedding day without having to worry about catering it.

You're angry because people are giving you a harsh reality (in attempt to help you, btw), and you seem in denial of it which is what makes me feel like you don't really understand what you're getting yourself into - aka it'll be a disaster.

Anyway, if that's what you're wanting to risk, go ahead. Please keep us posted on what ends up happening!

If you've already researched self-catering and found all kinds of negative experiences, why didn't you look up positive experiences while you were doing that? Were negative experiences easier to find, somehow? Why would you research only negatives and then come asking for positives? Wouldn't it have been easier to research both at once?

Self-catered weddings often go fine. However, they go wrong a LOT more than professionally catered weddings. Maybe you'll be lucky. I personally chose not to gamble either my day or the health and enjoyment of my loved ones. So I'll be chilling with my husband, friends, family and a nice cold beer while a catering team with decades of experience makes us a delicious meal. Just seems easier and more logical to me.

Here are a few experiences you might find relevant:

* I went to a potluck wedding once, but it wasn't the kind where everyone brought something. A few close friends each prepared a large quantity of some portion. I was in high school so I don't remember any details nor do I know how it went over (whether people volunteered or were asked, were happy, etc.). No one in my family got sick but obviously I don't know about anyone else.

* My mom's friend bought a huge deep freezer when her daughter got engaged and decided she would make all the food (maybe just heavy apps though). She worked for a YEAR on it. My mom was expecting it to be terrible, but actually said she never would've known that what she ate had been in the freezer. So it worked out after all, but the mom worked for an entire year making the food. I think she just thought she could do it better, or maybe wanted to show her love that way? It ended up being ok but I haven't heard if she thought it was worth it or not. It was a ton of work.

* My cousin lived on a farm when they got married, so they raised a pig for the event. It was roasted on site, but I'm pretty sure it was done by a professional catering staff, who also prepared a large number of other dishes using locally sourced produce. This was an amazing feast-- we felt the love from the fact that they had raised this pig for like a year for us, but everything was so well made and delicious.

* I lived in a graduate dorm for several years, and we would often make large quantities of food for brunches and dinners together. We had a huge kitchen with warmers, like 16 stove tops and 2 large ovens. We regularly served brunches for a couple hundreds, and once I was in charge of organizing a Japanese dinner for ~50. No one ever got sick from what I heard. But these events were all done with 15-20 volunteers. The dinner I was in charge of took us literally all day to cook, and that as for 50 people with probably close to 15 volunteers. There were a lot of different dishes, but still! It's a lot of work.

I am planning on making my cake, and I think that will be hard enough. I'm doing it because I'm planning from a distance so I can't do tastings, the vendors in the really rural area are very few and don't have legitimate web presences, I like baking, cakes are fairly shelf stable, I'll have access to a restaurant-type kitchen, and I don't care about it being perfect (and if shit hits the fan, I don't mind giving up and getting a supermarket cake). To decide if this was going to be feasible, I baked two cakes (to try out some recipes) the day before my PhD defense, figuring that would be a comparable level of stress/business. Since then I made a 2-tier cake. The plan is to have a 2-tier cake and then a few other normal cakes. I feel good about it because discounting any economies of scale, I know I would be able to make the cake 3 times in a row and be ok. If I were you I would try having 10 friends over, cook your planned menu, and then calculate 9x that prep time. Even though it seems like things should take less time in bulk, I don't think that's necessarily the case because you'll be running out of pots and pans, oven space, etc. Ham for 90 people is going to be too big for your oven, right? And how do you keep things warm? So to be on the safe side, see if you could cook 9 meals for 10 people. If that is too much time investment, then it will probably just be stressful and not so fun. I think you could get those items catered from like Boston Market even for cheap and it will still taste fine.

I like cooking so I can see the appeal of thinking that if you like cooking for your friends/show your love that way and enjoy dinner parties, why not do it for the wedding. But from what I hear it's going to be stressful and crazy enough even when you have vendors doing EVERYTHING, so I would be really wary about picking day-of jobs to do. It's just so risky-- not even in the food safety sense, but just it seems like there's a large chance that you'll be too busy and stressed out to enjoy yourself. I think a wedding should just be fun for as many people as possible-- yourselves included! Why not cater it and then invite your friends over for more intimate dinner parties throughout the next year as thank yous? Your wedding favor could be certificates for a free dinner party

So OP, any 'official' feedback on your ball statement? I'm curious to know.