Self-invited guests... how did you feel/deal with this?

If you don't plan to invite her you need to not speak to her about wedding stuff and you need to let your MOH know that she should not be at all involved with the planning of the shower/bachelorette. It's very rude to invite someone to a pre wedding event - especially a gift giving event like a shower - of they are not on your guest list. If this means you will not to get whatever things she owns that would be useful then so be it. Free stuff is not a reason to be rude to someone.

I would not speak to her about the wedding again and make sure you MOH knows not to as well. If she brings it up to you politely change the subject. If she asks about being invited be delicate - but honest "We are at capacity for our guest list and will not be able to add anyone on. We are sorry as there are any people we would like to include but our budget will simply not allow it" and then change the subject. And you do this with anyone who asks, you apologize, explain that you are at capacity and then you change the subject.

Just cause she made that joke doesn't mean you have to invite her. I'd let your sister know that she isn't on the guest list so she doesn't invite her to your shower.

Omg NO. Do not invite these people, and do NOT let your sister invite her to your shower. That's so inappropriate. Only people invited to the wedding get invited to showers and other pre-wedding events, and people don't just get to self-invite. I don't care how pushy she is, or how many "hints" she drops. Next time she says anything like "I'm on the list, right?" just say "actually, we're just keeping it to close family and friends". I wouldn't even use the word "sorry" in there, because you have nothing to be sorry about.

Our guest list is strictly staying under 50. When this happens to us we have our standard reply that we say to everyone that wants to come but won't be invited....."Oh sorry we r keeping our guest list very small". And we leave it at that. Now one time was not so simple. My kids grandmother on their dad's side tried to invite herself. Even pulled the how long have I known u card. 20 years Ms. Linda but that would be wierd Ms. Linda, don't think my fiance would be comfortable with that Ms. Linda. Ugh she made me feel horrible but I stuck to my guns.

You need to practice what you are going to say so that next time you don't freeze. I would go with something like "Unfortunately, we are only able to invite family and a few close friends and are unable to invite everyone we would have liked to." You can then change the subject. If they mention it again after this then feel free to go with something a bit chillier, something like "No, that won't be possible".

Its not clear from your post whether or not you invited your Sister's friend to the wedding or not but, if you already verbally agreed then its too late and you are already committed. If not, use the above and don't invite her. However, she should also not be invited to your bridal shower. Only people invited to the wedding should be invited to pre-wedding events including showers. If your sister is hosting then she should ask you for a guest list and only invite those people. If your sister won't respect that then you need to decline the shower.

For "friends" you've lost touch with and are asking about invites, I'd go with the above response and maybe add something like but, I'd love to grab coffee/lunch/etc.

Nope, nope, nope! I would talk to your sister right away. Your sister is allowed a plus one but not a plus one and then a family. It's your wedding and not your sister's, so there needs to be some boundaries. My bridesmaid was given a plus one but told her sister (on top of her plus one) she could come. I had to shut that down right away. Her reasoning was she wanted her sister to join us during the bachelorette party (which isn't happening anymore), so she felt it was fair to invite her to the wedding as well.

People are crazy!

Yeah you're not obligated to invite your sisters friends. If she asks again just say that the guest list is tight and can't accommodate any additional people. I've had some associates try to invite themselves and I told them the same thing...close friends and family. I had a friend of an associate ask me to invite her to my shower. I told her I wasn't throwing it so I didn't know what the capacity limit was. Oh well. It's inappropriate for people to put brides in that position. Be sure to let your sister know that she's not invited to the wedding and it would be inappropriate for her to invite the friend to the shower.

View Quoted Comment

Well this is the thing, I didn't mention anything to her about my wedding. My sister told her about my engagement. When I saw this person again for the first time in years she congratulated me and I said thank you, that's all. But I never indicated in anyway they are invited because they are not my friends. I know they would definitely provide a gift but I get that it's not even the point it's just the principle of a guest list and relationship. I honestly don't care for her to provide anything free because the last thing I need is someone throwing that in my face when it wasn't my idea.

I did talk to my sister about the incident and I did tell her they're not on our list but my sister just looked wide-eyed and I'm like yeah you got me in a pickle there, good job! And I have definitely told many others who have asked me directly about an invite pretty much what you suggested but with her I honestly didn't see it coming, it was those awkward moments.

View Quoted Comment

That I do know, and I did tell my sister what happened and how I felt about it. My sister will definitely have a list of people because that's a main thing I thought of when I first started planning.

View Quoted Comment

This is very true and I agree, I definitely have not been apologizing to people who have asked about invites and sorry is not included in there. This was just one of those off-guard moments and I literally like was mad at myself for letting me freeze up like that because I am quick with a comeback generally.

View Quoted Comment

WOW! People are really something huh especially if you're an ex family member because that's what it is, why can't people respect others!?

View Quoted Comment

And that's where I got upset with myself because I have been doing very well with answering people who are expecting an invite. It was that moment, just became caught in the moment. It happens but moving forward I just have to be on edge I guess and quicker. I know my sister would respect it although she may get her panties in a bunch but oh well.

and those "friends" thankfully live in another State so I'm not too worried about that.

View Quoted Comment

I don't even think my sister invited them which is the crazy part, her friend assumes because she's close with my sister it's the same with me just because of the relationship. It's just beyond me, just because you know my sister doesn't make me your friend. My sister's mistake was telling her about my life instead of just talking about herself.

People are definitely crazy!

View Quoted Comment

It's just insane how people think sometimes and I guess because she invites the whole world to her events at home, etc. she can do the same to others. My sister will definitely have a list handy for reference.

I've had this with coworkers. One of them came up and was like my wife is excited to go to your wedding since it's in Vegas. I literally laughed out loud. We aren't friends. We have worked 2 different departments together but we are definitely not friends outside of work. I was like just take your wife to Vegas another time dude. We are trying not to go over 30 so it's a little awkward when people I rarely talk to hint at getting an invite.

View Quoted Comment

Agree with this.

If she's not in your wedding guest list, she shouldn't be at your bridal shower. I would talk to your sister. But I wouldn't invite the couple. I had someone tell me they were coming to my wedding - they weren't invited. I told them "I'm sorry, I have closed my guest list"

I had a few ppl I believe like almost 10 ppl do this to us and in like tgere is no room and we invited ppl we talk to amd our close to. Tell her and ur sister there is no room and they cannot come. I was firm on not inviting them and my FH was as well... He thought it was crazy that they wanted to come cause we don't even talk to them I mean when we see them we say hi and thats it

Have you told your sister how you feel? If you don't want to invite her, you shouldn't have to!

I have a few friends that asks about being invites but they are not in my list as my wedding is small because my budget is very tight so it will be only family and very very close friends.
I am honestly Ans say that while I would like to invite them I can't because we'll weddings are expensive