Separate Event for Non-guest List

Yes. Also don't get the point. Why would you invite them to a second event? Why not just invite them to the first?

We are having one for people (mainly family) who were not invited/ couldn't attend the wedding. Just doing a BBQ at home. It's kind of weird to me to do it for coworkers and church friends though.

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To stay in our budget, I couldn't invite people that I see almost everyday.

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I'm still confused. So you can't afford to host them for a wedding, but you can afford to host them for a separate dinner?

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Thanks! Might do that too. Well more so church family than coworkers. My church family I've known since I was 10 so that's why I feel bad about not inviting a few couples from there.

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If I had a dinner at a restaurant, they would be buying their own food lol. And it's cheaper hosting a cookout at home than it is paying $95 per plate. Do you get what I'm saying now?

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Yep. Crystal clear. You want more people to celebrate you and your union but you want them to pay for it. Got it

Best of luck.

Only someone who has a tight knit church family would understand your predicament. I was only able to invite 6 or 7 of my church family to the wedding. I am hosting a party at the church the weekend before the wedding.

My church family is treating it like another church event so they are providing the food and entertainment so it doesn't affect our budget.

Go with your gut. Good luck.

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Thank you so much!!! I was starting to feel like I said something wrong in my own post! I understand not everyone is a believer though so *shurg*. That is a good idea, thank you again for understanding where I'm coming from.

Honestly I do think it's weird. I think it will just draw more attention to the fact that they were not invited to your wedding. However, if you do have a dinner then you need to pay. Otherwise you are asking people who aren't invited to your wedding to come celebrate you and pay for it. It doesn't sit well. I agree with the previous poster that doing something actually at your church (where people don't have to pay themselves) might be the perfect solution.

I think it’s very weird. You’re basically saying “I want you to come celebrate with me, but you’re not worth paying for.” You can’t really offer to “host” any event that you’re not paying for...... people will be very off-put being invited somewhere and then being expected to pay for themselves. And I think will be especially offended because it sounds like a pity party for people who didn’t make your actual wedding list. Sorry :/ I’d skip it and not draw more attention to the fact that you aren’t inviting them!

You need to pay for their dinner. You're not hosting them if you ask them to dinner and then make them pay for their food. I really wouldn't worry about it. I only invited my closest friends and family.

If you are having a small wedding, they need to understand that and should understand why they are not invited and should leave it at that. I would be upset if I wasn’t invited to the actual wedding, but a second B-list party. If you really want them to celebrate with you, maybe see if you can cut your budget elsewhere to accommodate more guests, but I don’t think a separate party (especially when you want them to pay for their own food) is a good idea.

I wouldnt suggest it. Just explain to them that you wish you could in ite them but you're having a small wedding

I actually don't think a separate party is a bad idea. People do deconstructed weddings a lot now a days as ways to have separate events for different groups. It keeps costs lower and you get to drag out the celebrations and socialize with people. However I do agree that you should still be the one to host it.

View Quoted Comment 100% this!

Plenty of people I know have 2 separate receptions for guests, one where the wedding is and the other "back home" for the other family/friends who couldnt make it to the actual event. They call the second one an open house and its generally just a cake and punch thing, maybe some dancing.
So while the hosting a second event isn't weird, the making them pay part is. I agree with others, you need to host it.

Okay. Let me clarify a bit more. I would most likely be hosting at my home (ie. paying for everything) or having it at my church (as Tamara suggested). I’m not trying to come off like “I want them to celebrate me and pay for it”. It’s people that I care about and genuinely don’t want them to feel left out or like I didn’t think about them. And we all know how expensive wedding can become due to the guest list.

It is weird. It does draw attention they were not invited to the wedding as pp's have said unless it's a casual get together post wedding without it at all being about the wedding.