Separate Large Party with Intimate Reception?

While it is acceptable in some social circles to have a private ceremony and large “reception”, though many people will be upset by not attending the ceremony, the opposite is impolite nearly everywhere. You cannot have a large ceremony and only invite select guests to the reception. A compromise if you want a large ceremony is have cake and coffee served to everyone at the ceremony venue while you greet them afterwards, which typically lasts no longer than 2 hours and the cost is minimal. Anything else following is a separate event with separate invitations at a different venue.



Also, just because your families have large weddings and invite everyone you share blood relations with and/or have had interaction with from childhood doesn’t obligate you and fiancé to do the same if you choose not to for whatever reason. Same with any other family tradition that does not fall under the etiquette umbrella. You and fiancé decide who you invite. Also, many people don’t realize that the wedding is not the only event you will host as adults. You can invite those same people or others to your home for dinner, drinks, card games, and the list goes on but that doesn’t entitle anyone to a wedding invitation. You can also arrange with other relatives to have an annual family reunion picnic at another time at a local park that everyone contributes to, and they are more than happy to travel cross country to catch up, and that doesn’t require you invite them to your wedding.

I have seen many posts on here about people doing this and then being disappointed by the lack of RSVPs/low turn out rate.

So sorry everyone! I meant an intimate ceremony with a large party like a month after/before the ceremony! *facepalm

View Quoted Comment The cost is the same for a ceremony whether you have 1 guest or 200. It’s the reception that has the per person charge. To avoid hurt feelings, plan for the intimate guest list for both ceremony and reception. Then organize a family reunion picnic at another time that all relatives contribute to and is not wedding related. Your wedding is not the only event you will host or attend and in many circles if you have multiple post-ceremony parties, they tend to not have the same effect or meaning for guests as if you invite everyone you want to a one day ceremony/reception event only.

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I would have a small wedding and not try and do a second event. It will definitely come across like you're doing a consolation party for those that weren't invited to the main thing.

Usually the only way this works is if you are eloping or having a very small destination wedding, which would only include parents, grandparents and siblings as the family members invited. It’s common to have a local party that includes all family and friends once you return from a destination wedding/elopement. You could also do a small courthouse wedding with just parents and siblings, then do a larger celebration with everyone later. However, having a full-on wedding and reception with select family members, then hosting a separate party for those who didn’t “make the cut“ will likely come off as rude and exclusionary, and be viewed as a consolation party for those who weren’t important enough for you to invite to the real wedding. It could also come off as an attempt at a gift grab.

There is a Bride that posted last week about this. She had a private ceremony and invited a larger group to a reception celebration. Well, she received few responses to attend. The majority of her guests did not even RSVP.

I agree with the others. There are many WW posts of disappointed couples who plan a pandemic vow renewal (they are already married), but, have a low turnout. There are so many weddings that guests are prioritizing their time and wallets with inflation. Also, I agree with Cece, unless you have a strong delineation of who is invited to the ceremony (immediate family only), you do run the risk of slighting everyone else. Ultimately, you don't want to put a deposit on a large venue only to cancel because you cannot fill it. I hope you find your solution and have the wedding you and your FS want with all your special guests, not just because a big wedding is tradition.

I would have the small wedding you want then a couple months later have a "meet the newlyweds" or "meet the new fam" party so there is less pressure for guests to bring gifts, since what they're attending is not a tiered reception

I love the idea!

i was telling a friend that in hindsight i kind of wished i just did smaller simpler more casual dinner parties instead.

it's more celebrations which is always nice haha and also its kind of a more manageable crowd [like 50 instead of having all 300 at once] and it can be cheaper in the sense that it would just be the dinner only and at that point it's not a wedding, it's just more of a dinner celebration so you could get a different rate. in hindsight i always thought about how if you take away the bells and whistles of a wedding, it's really just a dinner

We are also planning a small destination wedding with a large reception. Also we’ve made this decision because of lots of family drama and we just want to have our wedding be about us.


I have attended a wedding reception after a destination wedding, and i thought it was so awesome. They had their slideshow playing whilst everyone was drinking, eating and having a great time. Since then I just always thought it was a great idea. Honestly, one of the best wedding receptions I’ve been to.
The couple didn’t however invite anyone to their nuptials-it was just them. I’m not their parents or siblings for that matter, I’m sure they would have wanted to be there but again:it’s about a union of the couple and what fit right for them.
I think if it feels right for you as a couple then go for it.

Yeah, I don't think that will work the way you want it to, unfortunately. Either just stick with the small group or elope! If people on his side are upset about it, tell them "no pay, no say."