"Shacking Up" Before Marriage

My fiance and I definitely believe that you should live together before getting married. We basically moved in with each other (unintentionally) and learned a lot about each other that way. It made our bond stronger because we were able to understand each other on a nonverbal level and get a better understanding on an emotional level for each individual. We were able to understand us and our family better My entire family is completely against me "shacking up" with my soon-to-be husband, yet it makes me feel better about our relationship since I knew who I was marrying long before he asked. I feel more comfortable in this relationship and the man I am committing my life to than I have about anyone in my life before.

My fiancé and I are an hour apart and have been so our whole almost two year relationship. We’ve chosen to not live together before marriage, so I will move into our house first and then he will join me after the wedding. That being said, we have sleepovers at each other’s apartments. Neither of us like the idea of living together before marriage, but we recognize it’s slightly silly given the fact that we visit each other for weekends and such. As for sex before marriage, I deeply regret sleeping with my ex boyfriend. We rushed into it for many reasons. I agreed, but it was certainly after some pushing on his part and it was initially a heat of the moment decision. I thought he and I were going to get married. After about a year, he ended things unexpectedly over the phone. Then he married a mutual friend of ours. So now, he and that friend are privy to information about me that I don’t want anyone except my future husband to know. My fiancé has never had an issue or judged me for it, but I feel uncomfortable about it. My fiancé and I did eventually choose to step into that part of our relationship, but it was only after long discussions not in the heat of the moment and driven by hormones. We had several rational conversations before we decided and that was honestly the best thing for me (and for us)! I still feel guilty sometimes about not choosing to wait. Anyway, all that being said, my fiancé and I are over the moon that in 48 days, we will get to live together forever and see each other every day!! It makes it extra special for us that we have waited for that step! I know we will drive each other crazy sometimes once we live together, but I also know that we will learn how to give each other space and how to clean together and how to cohabitate.

I honestly think whether or not it's a must depends on perspective and life experience. If you have never lived anywhere but your parents house, then moving in with anyone is gonna be really hard the first time. I think you do learn a lot by living with someone that they can otherwise hide from you, but I think most of it shouldn't be dealbreaker stuff. The one thing it does REALLY help in a relationship is communication. It forces you to address more problems and learn to collaborate to solve things together. It's hard to get that in the relationship in any other way. That being said, as long as you go in with eyes wide open about how difficult it is going to be living with someone you are in a relationship with, it can definitely work out.

I grew up with the same beliefs taught, I personally agree with living with someone prior to, but as I’ve noticed you never really stop learning someone. I think that people should do what works best for them, too many opinions can cause unnecessary conflict and confusion

Living with my SO before marriage is actually one of my "non-negotiables." I actually.ended a relationship because of it. Ex was planning on proposing, I told him we needed to live together first, he didnt listen, and I broke it off.

Living together means learning the other person's quirks and little things about them that you dont see from just the weekend sleepovers. Living together means figuring out a budget, paying rent and utilities, grocery shopping together. It can be very stressful at first. How you handle it together can speak volumes to your relationship. I moved in with my FH after a year. We've been together for almost 6. We've both had to hold down the fort financially when his work was slow, and when I had surgery. Hes a cleaner, I'm a cluttered person. We balance each other. We've learned to communicate better since living together. Living together made us realize that we wanted to get married. And once we realized that we started making moves to make it happen.

View Quoted Comment

I agree that living together changes the dynamic of a relationship.

View Quoted Comment

I agree that you learn a lot about your partner when living together, but what do you think about the data that says living together before marriage increases your chances of divorce?

View Quoted Comment

So...you believe in living together once you're engaged?

View Quoted Comment

I agree that living together teaches you how to compromise.

View Quoted Comment

Just to clarify, you're saying that if you believe in God you shouldn't be living together before marriage because it implies that you are having sex?

View Quoted Comment

What are your thoughts on data which shows that most couples who live together before marriage get divorced?

View Quoted Comment

Does living together before marriage conflict with your religious beliefs?

View Quoted Comment

This is an interesting perspective.

View Quoted Comment

Why was your dad so against the two of you living together?

View Quoted Comment

Why were you against it initially?

View Quoted Comment

Why did you two wait 4 years to move in together?

Fh and I have been together 16 years and have an 8 year old daughter. We’ve lived together since a year in. I think it was good for us. I wouldn’t have liked to wait so long for marriage but I think living together first is important things are much different when you are with someone every day

View Quoted Comment

How did you move in together unintentionally?

View Quoted Comment

This is a very unique perspective. Thank you for sharing.

View Quoted Comment

Do you and your fiance live together?