"Shacking Up" Before Marriage

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I'm assuming you and your finance live together. Has that helped your relationship to grow stronger?

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Wow. Why didn't your ex want to move in together?

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Do you mind me asking why you all waited 16 years to get married?

View Quoted Comment Sure it was all FH. He didn’t have the best marriage role models for sure and he honestly felt that we were more married than those around us that were married and then divorced all while we stayed happy. I don’t know what changed his mind and made him decide he wanted to be married but he said he finally realized that with me we could be legally married and not change the relationship we have built

I'm not Christian so I don't believe in that, but getting that part away, I completely agree with Nykole. I wouldn't buy a car without a test drive either. That's going to be/is your partner for life, the person you will now depend on if anything occurs and the person you'll create new things/lives with. Might as well be sure and feel sure about that step both of you want to take. Let's say you didn't live with him before, and that first week together is actually hell because both of you have different types of approach on household/co-living situations. I've been with my future husban for 3-4 years and on July 10th will be the first anniversary of us living together. I couldn't be more sure of the future I want with him. Seeing him just be him around me in his home, comfortable enough to be himself and do whatever it is he does on a daily basis and including me in them just gives me more motivation in wanting this for the rest of my life. Forget about what your family has to say, it's your compatibility, it's your wedding day and spouse, it's your other half and each others commitment to having a life together, living before hand or afterwards. Whatever you are enjoying, just keep enjoying! ❣

My fiancé and I have basically been living together since day one. It’s been four and a half years now. We even bought a house before getting engaged. I firmly believe people need to live together before getting married. It gives you an insight as to how your significant other lives and how to overcome certain obstacles together.

I think it largely depends on the couple. My engagement was planned so we were going to get engaged and move in together around moving season in our area for practical purposes. Then he had family trouble and ended up living with me and my parents (and grandmother). It was interesting for sure!
I think if you do not hold strict beliefs on the matter it's good to live together beforehand so you really get to know the person. You can really test your compatibility before a permanent change in case it doesn't work out.

I wanted a ring and a date set before moving in together.

Part of this was that I don't believe in renting, and wanted a commitment before we threw my life savings down on a house.

A second part was that I just despise moving. I own way too much crap.

The other part comes from my childhood. I had a cousin who is 16 years older than me. She lived with her boyfriend for years and years. They finally got engaged and he strung her along there too. She finally ended things and walked out. But I was so young and watched her throw away so much time on this person who didn't want to commit to her. It had a big impact on me and I promised myself I wouldn't let someone do that to me.

View Quoted Comment That and it gives the appearance of sin. The Bible also talks about not giving the appearance of sin. It's also about obedience. I don't know if you have read the Bible or not. But if you believe in the God that the Bible tells us about then you should. Again if you don't believe in God and the Bible this is all moot.

View Quoted Comment My dad is a very traditional Catholic and so thinks living together and having sex before marriage is a sin. He worries about our souls.

Yea I don't think anything is wrong with it. In fact it could be better so you know each other already. Some couples don't live together before marriage and they found out about all these things they didn't know a out their partner like different habits.

View Quoted Comment You do know that just because a couple lives together that doesn't automatically equate to them having sex. I am currently living with my boyfriend due to a circumstance that was beyond my control. Ideally, the plan was to move in with him once we are legally married, but unfortunately life had other plans. Anyways, my boyfriend and I are abstinent and will continue to be until we are legally married. My thing is that do not judge, everybody has their reasons and God knows my heart and my intentions so I do not feel like I am living in sin. In fact, my boyfriend is my biggest blessing from God as of yet. So let God be the judge & God bless.

View Quoted Comment This study that you’re referring to has actually been debunked in a sense because it does not take in to account that couples that are willing to live together prior to marriage also tend to not have issues with divorcing if need be, whereas couples that do not believe in living together prior to marriage tend to not believe in divorcing due to their religious beliefs, so they stay together although the relationship may not be the healthiest or happiest. Also, In general divorce is more widely accepted and less stigmatized in the younger generation (the generation also more likely to cohabitate) then it is in the older generation (less likely to cohabitate). So the stats are skewed. Of course there are exceptions, like the cohabitating couples that get married just because they feel like that’s what’s expected and it’s easier to do then to split up joint assets, and of course religious couples can divorce too, but correlation does not imply causation.

My thoughts are "would you buy a car without test driving it?" Why not living with someone. If people put as much research into marriage as they did buying a house, car, tv, etc.. then there wouldn't be as many divorces. When I say research it includes living together, sex, finances, thoughts on children, how you want to be buried, etc..

We get married tomorrow and have been together 16.5 years, of that we have lived together for about 15. We do absolutely everything together include buying houses, cars, etc.. it's just a formality at this point.

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When we met, my roommates and I were fighting a lot. My house didn't feel like home anymore. At my fiance's house, his sister and three nephews lived with him. When we would try to give each other space, we would end up spending time at his house anyway. His sister and nephews would ask him when I was coming over. I was at his house every day from the beginning of our relationship. His sister came with me to my apartment one day and noticed my room and bathroom had been trashed by my roommates. She didn't like the way they were treating me and my belongings so she told me I was moving into their home because I was already family. This happened a month after we had begun dating. I've been living with them ever since. It gave me a better understanding not only of my husband to be but his family and all that they've been to. My sister-in-law and I call each other sisters. When I have an issue I'm not sure how to talk to my husband about it, I earned a sister that I can talk to. I didn't mean to move in so quickly although I knew he'd be the man I marry. I wanted to take it slow, but the situation in my home made it no longer safe to live or to keep my stuff. I felt safer with him and ended up moving a lot sooner than planned.

View Quoted Comment My response wasn't targeting you. I was addressing the question posed. This is not about judgement. This is not about judging you or any one else. This is the Biblical perspective. If someone doesn't believe in that it doesn't matter, if in your case you aren't sleeping with your fiance then yes God knows but the Bible also talks about the appearance of sin.


As for judgement, while the response I gave was intended as general we as Christians need to understand the difference between judgement, accountability and truth. If my friends so me doing something I shouldn't I hope they would tell me given we are both Christian.
God knows the heart this is true but if you are holding your self out as a Bible believing Christian it is not wrong for another Christian preferably someone who knows you to come along side of you and lovingly suggest you stop what your doing that is not judgement. No one is perfect and we all sin and we all need correction and accountability.

We live together

View Quoted Comment I understand your perspective and I know you weren't targeting me, I didn't start this conversation lol. What I'm saying is that yes all the points you made are biblically correct, but life isn't cookie cutter. Meaning there are an ARRAY of reasons as to why ppl do what they do. Me for example, even once I told my Christian friends and family as to why I now live with my boyfriend, they COMPLETELY understood and was in fact glad I did what I did due to the circumstance. According to what you're saying (irrespective of my situation that was truly beyond my control) I am sinning. I'm sorry I do not believe I am sinning because as I said before God saw my heart and saw my intentions and knew that this isn't what I wanted to happen, but it happened. Life is like that. There are times where you do everything to try to please God (which is good) but life happens. I know God understands my situation and knows that in order for me to have continued to be with my blessing (my boyfriend) whatever happened had to happen.

View Quoted Comment I believe it's a matter of choice. I don't judge anyone that does it because I don't know what their reasons are. I now know everyone cant be painted with a wide brush. And I understand what marriage really is not the churches lopsided definition. So, I don't see anything wrong with the couple's choice of living together before a legal wedding.