"Shacking Up" Before Marriage

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I agree that the times are changing and so will some of our old school practices.

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No worries, I'm not offended. I agree to a certain extent I'm just not sure if I want to compare sharing my life with someone to them having a 10-minute test drive of a car. If I find a better comparison I'll let you know, lol.

View Quoted Comment I think everything is dependant on the couple themselves. With 7 billion people on the planet there's going to be a lot variety!
I personally think marriage is a permanent change, as I believe both parties intent should be a life long commitment. Clearly people get married for all kinds of reasons! Maybe for some it's not permanent and life long. There's been a number of couple's in the forums explaining why they lived separate after marriage and I think a lot of the common theme is commitment to the relationship not the space it occupies. So no you don't need to live together to be married.
Marriage is whatever you and your spouse(s) decide it will. It's amazing and diverse as each and every couple and so is the living situation.

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Thank you for sharing this perspective, it's really challenged my thinking.

View Quoted Comment Honestly I can't say. There are so many factors that go into each individual marriage and relationship. We'll have been together for 13 years next month and living together for almost all of it. It wasn't until this January that I was ready to get married. She would have married me years and years ago. Why wait so long? Why not ready? I needed her to become more independent and grow into her own if that makes sense. I never had a wandering eye, wanted a different partner. As for me, I come with a hella lot of problems. I mean A LOT. We've endured our fair share and struggled through. We've also have had other people comment on how they don't know how we can deal with "this and that" about our relationship throughout the years. Keep in mind they are important things they are talking about yet also ones that take true lessons in love and growth. We have always been respectful towards each other and never cruel even on our worst days. She has blossomed into the dependable, more trustworthy, and less selfish person I NEEDED. I have matured into the emotionally aware and more open person I felt I needed to be for her.

But statistically we have a few things going for us. Both the same age. Neither products of divorce, low divorce rates in our families. Neither religious but believe in God and in Christ. Have supportive families (same sex marriage for us). Pretty much same political views. Money is agreed upon for the most part.

We needed living together and that growth.

That’s how I was raised. Strong morals you could say. I didn’t “shack up” with my first husband but wish I had. I’m pretty sure I would have realized early on that the marriage was a bad idea. With my FH, we bought a house together around a year ago. We have lived together since and I’m glad I’m doing this. I have 4 kids from my previous marriage and if any of them want to “shack up” if it’s going down the marriage path then I will support it. I don’t want them to go through what I did with a divorce.

My FH and I live together and have for over 2 years. I would not marry anyone I had not lived with. You learn so much about a person when you move in together and share close, personal space! I support those who choose to wait until marriage for cohabitation, it is just not a choice that would work for me.

I was definitely one of those people who didn't believe in living together before marriage. However after getting engaged, it made sense to live together. I was renting and my fiance owned his (now ours) house. I think if I would've waited til after marriage, it would've been how it was, hectic and emotional. I'm thankful that we decided to live with each other, because it's grown our relationship and our communication. Plus before, due to our opposite schedules we would only see eachother every other week, or if he'd swing by on a shift. He's a cop, so his schedule is a bit crazy. Living together means we see eachother regularly.

It’s a good thing I’m forgiven for my sins because I’m all for living together before saying I Do.

We've been living together for a year and will be living together for 2 years when we marry... We are both religious and my entire family is as well. I am very grateful for having this time with him, getting used to him and him to me... I feel like it worked for us. Sometimes you need to know more in depth the person you will marry, since I came from a broken marriage, I feel like I needed this and has opened my eyes to a whole new life with a person that gives his 100% just like me.

View Quoted Comment Amen. But I do believe it is a good way to work things out before the big day. Though, I honestly didn't see myself getting married again. I am very grateful for having this time of knowing him this well before saying I Do!

My fiance and I have beenndatung and living together for 9 year. Some may not agree with us. But we feel you should live together to make sure you are compatible together. We will continue to live together and we will just stay apart from.one another the night before the wedding day. I feel there is no problem in the situation as long as you and your partner are on the same page.

I've been dating my fiance for 13 years, we've been exclusive for 9 years, engaged for 3. We have never lived together and wont until marriage. I truly dont believe there's any bad living habits that I would consider deal breakers. I want him to father my children, does it really matter if he is doesn't make the bed or take out the trash? He has the morals, the heart, the ideals, money smarts, priorities, and God loving soul I want in a partner and I dont see how anyone can say someone's living habits could change their mind over all of those things. My parents didnt live together before marriage (47 years) and neither did my grandparents (72 YEARS of marriage folks) so I'm confident we can make it through learning each other along the way and it wont cause us to run for the hills. Here's hoping ;-)

My FH moved in after 6 months of dating. I owned my own home and his lease was up and we both felt like it was important to live together before. It was a bigger adjustment for him I think, he had to realize that he had someone at home now and responsibilities related to that. We also have become better communicaters which has strengthened our relationship as well. And my family has no problem with it, even my very devour Catholic mother who told me she didn't think our marriage will be valid because we aren't getting married in a church

My fiance and I were friends long before we were dating and we moved in to a communal friend apartment before we were even dating so we lived together as friends.
I believe I would've been a lot more hesitant to say yes if we hadn't already known what it was like to live together as in how household chores would come together.
That being said we didn't live alone together until after he proposed.

To each their own on this one. Up to this moment me and my FH have our separate homes. We've been together for a long, long time. Shacking up was something I just didn't want to do until recently and because of the recent medical issues we've had to deal with that kept us apart. It changed my mind on things in particular how each day is not promised to us. So now my FH will be moving in with me in the near future while his home is being rented. We are going to buy a home in the next few months and our wedding is a little under 4 months away. Our shacking up before marriage won't last long but it is something that I am now willing to do.

We are planning on moving in together before getting married. Currently in process of looking for a home!

When I got married the 1st time I didn’t live with my ex-husband. This was our personal choice. But now I’m older and I have 4 children. My FH and I have been living together for a yr. FH and I decided to live together so my kiddos and he could get to know each other. For us personally it has worked out wonderful, kiddos asked him multiple times when we were going to get married. They were excited for us to finally decided to get married and they now will have a complete family. I think it’s your own personal choice to live together or not.

I got married at 18. Never even had an over night with him, or ANY boy I dated. That marriage was terrible, for many reasons but he had a lot of things he done around the house I couldn’t stand.


My fiancé and i have known each other 11 years, and we’ve been living together for two, wedding next year. 💙 we jive really well.

I was raised Irish Catholic. My parents always said the whole milk and cow thing. But FH and I moved in together pretty quickly and my parents have never had an issue. We were spending every day together, it didn’t make sense for me to keep paying rent and leaving my cat alone all the time. I like that we did that because going into marriage, I know we can live together just fine.