"Shacking Up" Before Marriage

View Quoted Comment When we started planning to move in together, we agreed, we live together a year maximum before deciding, plan a marriage or pack up and move on. Neither of us would have considered marrying someone we had not lived with for a while. We both wanted the whole marriage that is happy and secure before having home on lots of land, with lots of children. Of course, 4 weeks later, on the eve of moving in together, we got engaged and set a date five months later. During the previous 5 months we had each graduated from grad school, 25 -27 years old , both had found new jobs. And in the process of packing up, realized our plans for what to keep or discard or buy, were all joint ideas for our home together, permanent.

View Quoted Comment 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

I am definitely pro living together before marriage. You get to know the ins and outs of that person, how to live with them and see if you’re truly compatible together. You’ll find out things about your SO that you possibly can’t live with or possibly can. And a break up is a hell of a lot cheaper than a divorce.

We had a baby, bought a house and now getting married! We did it all backwards but I’m glad we did! Who are they to judge?! God is the judge so if you feel right doing it then do it. If you have doubts about it then don’t do it. I feel sometimes the church tries to control people’s lives way too much. A relationship with God is between you and God not you and your pastor.

Yes I totally agree with you. Living together is totally different than dating someone. You have an opportunity to see so many things you might not see if you didn’t. I recently got married for the second time and glad we lived together first. It gave us a chance to work out a few things before the decision to get married. I also have two grown children who are living with their significant others and as a mom I support that. My son recently got married after being with his GF for almost 10 years and living together for the past 5 years and it has worked out great for them. I don’t judge people one way or the other but I do believe you see the good, bad and ugly when you live together first.

We've lived together all 3 years we've been dating. I feel that before it helped us to really see who the other was, we're both fairly messy people and so it kind of helped us to get those petty arguments out of the way really early. Also, we have a baby now too (1 year old) and so, while we've done it all backwards, it's made our relationship a whole lot stronger! So, for my circumstances I say 100% agree, but I can see how waiting could theoretically be a better option too. I just don't recommend it. I got some flack for living with a man before marraige too, but not from a lot of people so I just ignored it.

We’ve been engaged for all but 6 months of our relationship lol. But we didn’t live together until 6 months before our wedding because neither of us had our own place at the time. I agree with those that said you kind of need to find out what you’ll be living with. I agree at least after engagement.

Well I feel like you should live together before marriage to see if you can live together. Do you really want to wait and have it be disastrous? I’ve been with my FH 13 yrs tomorrow and we’ve been living together 12 & 1/2 yrs and we have an almost 7 yr old. By the time we get married we’ll be together almost 15 yrs.

View Quoted Comment We had an apartment, then bought the house & had a baby. Now getting married in 2021. It was all about the priorities for us. I didn’t want to wait for marriage to have a baby.

View Quoted Comment Long live love.

View Quoted Comment I'd definitely prefer a breakup over a divorce.

View Quoted Comment Amen sister!

View Quoted Comment Living with someone definitely shows you parts of them that you might not otherwise see.

View Quoted Comment My experience is that people assume that if your living together you must be having sex together. Even so I think that everyone sins everyday so judgement for one sin versus another is hypocritical.

View Quoted Comment I think that if someone is struggling as to whether they should move in before marriage or not waiting until after the engagement is a nice compromise.

I strongly believe living with a significant other is essential before marriage! Just like you said, its the truest test of compatibility between couples. There's just so many aspects about your personality in the home you don't really think about until you're both there 24/7 pretty much. I lived with my FH for about 3-4 years before we got engaged; I was the first girl he's lived with (he was not mine), and it really was a learning experience. It was a little rough at first, but it really helped bring us together in the end.

View Quoted Comment 😮That would have been a long time for live apart.

View Quoted Comment My husband is the only guy I've every loved with and I'm the only girl he's every lived it. It was an adjustment living in one household together and realizing how much compromise that takes. I think the longer you live apart the more stuck in your ways you'll become and the harder it will be to live together

FH and I are also Christian, and our families believed the same thing. Rooting from our moving in together has sprouted a lot of drama and judgement. I wouldn't have it any other way, though. I've considered ourselves married since the proposal, and the wedding is just to make it government official.

View Quoted Comment No judgement here. Congrats on your future marriage.