"Shacking Up" Before Marriage

I come from a very religious family so for me the “don’t live with a man until you get married” is engrained in my brain lol. For me it also gives me something to look forward to. I’m very excited to move in with my husband. To me marriage is a new beginning and all about learning, growing and doing new things together so even if I wasn’t religious I’d probably still wait 😀. Part of my excitement is our lives coming together and no longer being single or having the same “freedom (for lack of better word lol)” as you would as a non married couple. Some don’t believe in marriage and that’s ok but for me if we did everything I considered married people things it wouldn’t be as exciting to me. Definitely can understand the other side of it though and wouldn’t knock anyone’s relationship if they disagreed with my views.

View Quoted Comment Religious beliefs definitely impact whether on not someone should move in with their spouse before marriage.

I think everyone should do what’s best for their relationship but for me and my FH we have decided to continue to live apart before our wedding day. We think we will be just fine learning about each other within our marriage . We both have good relationships with God and we know He will help us get through any challenges we have . The point of marriage for us to get closer to Christ and closer to being like Him. We have a saying we base our relationship on Called “loving well” and that means that even when we annoy each other “love each other WELL” . We believe that using this as our base is showing each other the love of God in action . In return we are becoming closer to God . So shacking up is great for some but we wanted to wait . Marriage will be a challenge no matter how we prepare (we’ve heard ) so mind as we’ll go into it being obedient because we will need all the grace and blessings we can get lol

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I agree that marriage is a challenge regardless. It's always best for the couple to do what makes sense for their relationship.

View Quoted Comment It was a long distance relationship in the beginning.

I'm a Christian, but I really couldn't imagine marrying someone that I hadn't lived with. You learn a lot about a person and your compatibility by living with someone. Before I met my FH, I had moved in with my ex. That only lasted a week before we broke up and I moved right back out. It wasn't until I moved in that I realized we weren't right for each other.

Living together before marriage is inconsistent with our religious beliefs. I honestly do not understand people who live several years with their intended spouse without getting married. At the point of moving in and intertwining finances and everything else marriage becomes a piece of paper and a party, in my opinion.

I really don't care what others do but for me it's completely not in line with my belief system. It's not something that's sugar coated in our church either. Our elders do not just look the other way and it's cause for discipline. And I'm honestly very grateful for that. Marriage is so much more than just what it's commonly viewed as. We view it as a ministry. How can you start out on that ministry in a way that is inconsistent with your religious teachings? You can't.

We've lived together for 2 and a half years now, and I agree. (Although I'm a Christian) We definitely were able to "iron-out the wrinkles" before getting married. My parents always told me that their first year of marriage was the hardest, because they had to figure out how to live together. I Always knew that I wanted to live with "my person" before getting married. - You really get to see all sides of them, good and bad!

I am marrying my ex husband. First time around we rushed into marriage and we were young. Got back together after 13 years of being apart. We started living together 9 months now. We already trust each other.

Eh. They gave up on me a long time ago, and to be honest, THAT strengthened my relationship with God. So.

And yes, we are totally living together and have a 2 year old. There are lots of things that people condemn that they really have less of a basis to than they think.

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Oh okay. My husband and I were long distance for about 5 months before we moved in together.

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How did you juggle your religious beliefs with what you thought was necessary for a healthy relationship?

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Were your parents okay with the two of you moving in together before marriage?

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I've only heard of a few cases of exes remarrying. I wish you much love and happiness this time around.

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I understand you. My husband & I got married in February because we had been living together since June of last year. Our wedding ceremony & reception is July 6th. I grew up in the deep south Bible belt & I am a Christian. I know others aren't & don't agree with me & that's ok. I felt a strong conviction about living together but I did also feel we had made a commitment already to get married & once we made that & God knew it, then that is something more than a legal piece of paper. I was married for 20 years before & oh my goodness living with someone new is HARD. And I know that goes both ways. You have to learn a person from all aspects. I love my husband beyond words. I am glad we lived together before we got married but in my heart of hearts, I did feel conviction. I am glad we are married because I wanted to be the best example to my kids that I could be. None of us are perfect & never will be but we want the best for our kids & we try to show them that through our actions.

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I agree. I did live with my husband before we married in February but I did feel conviction about it. I knew it wasn't being obedient. I justified my thinking as God knows we are committed & are going to get married. I wanted to be a better example for my kids. I tried so hard to stay in my first marriage because I never ever wanted them to hurt from a divorce. We stayed too long in the marriage & damaged each other emotionally. He was a sex addict & I stayed for the kids. He had 2 personalities. Great father, great provider & treated me great...respectfully...except he had dark secrets. I still can't understand. Now I have the person I feel was made for me. I pray God forgives me & I know He has. He knows my heart & what my reasoning was even though it wasn't biblical. I was just straight up disobedient.

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Amen. Great to stick to your convictions & you are blessed with wonderful examples of Christian marriages.

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I agree with you. I feel bad that I did it the way I did.

View Quoted Comment As you know God forgives and the God I know has long forgiven you. I am so sorry about your prior marriage. God redeems and uses those experiences that brought pain to draw us closer to him and often to help others who maybe going through something or to help keep others from going through something. I have never been married, but my parents like a lot of folks got divorced when I was a kid. I didn't really get to know my dad until I was an adult. My mom remarried and the person was an alcoholic. I only knew him as a scary drunk as a kid. But God redeemed it all. My mom has passed away but I have two father's now and they have both changed for the better and both are in my life. I wish you God's best.

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Yes I do & thankful God has forgiven me. Thanks for sharing with me. God Bless you as well!!