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Savvy December 2021

"Shop Like it's Their Birthday" Bridesmaids Gifts stressing me out

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Tori, on February 23, 2021 at 5:10 PM

Posted in Planning 24

Okay, I love the idea of individualized gifts, really, I do; and I wholeheartedly agree that the gifts shouldn't be the fur wraps, monogrammed pajamas, or jewelry to wear on that day. However, I don't entirely understand the "shop like it's their birthday' thing. I don't think I've ever given any of my five bridesmaids a birthday gift. The bridesmaids are my three sister in laws (two of them were my very best friends growing up and two of my brothers ended up marrying them! The other SIL has been with my brother since I was 9 years old, so she is like a second mother figure to me; I was in all of their weddings) and my BEST friend (MOH), and her cousin, because we kind of spent our teenage and college years as sisters (I was also in each of their weddings; last to get married, woohoo)! I couldn't stand up on my wedding without these five women.

With that being said, for birthdays, we go out for nice dinners, or do family get togethers and make each other cakes! Occasionally, I draw my sister-in-law's names at Christmas for our gift exchange, but that's about it. I don't have a "wine lover" or "coffee drinker" or "makeup guru" in my crew. We are average gals! My best friend's cousin and dear friend of mine is a singer/musician- I did find a really cool throat soothing tea on Etsy, but that seems like a weird BM gift, right?

I was thinking perfume, wristlets, maybe Kendra Scott earrings or something? But all this "shop like it's their birthday" individualized gifts has me stressing. Can anyone offer me any guidance on what's actually expected?

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24 Comments

Lady · on February 24, 2021 at 10:33 AM
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Highly recommend gift cards over things like jewelry or bags. I don't know anyone who wouldn't be excited to have some extra cash to throw around at Target or Starbucks.
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Super May 2019
KYLIE · on February 24, 2021 at 5:00 PM
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So I think this is where I get the notion that it may be odd—if a bridesmaid is more of an elevated guest, their gift is more of an elevated favor, not a personalized gift in honor of them. Like, if I have a birthday party (ie my husband sees who wants to come to our house for dinner and drinks in honor of my birthday), we’d send attendees away with favors such as mini bottles of wine as thanks for spending their time and money celebrating me. But we wouldn’t give gifts that we selected individually for them as if it was their birthday, because it’s not.
And again, I spent a lot of money on my bridesmaids’ gifts. But I apparently looked at it through a different lens than many do here.
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Savvy December 2021
Tori · on February 24, 2021 at 6:20 PM
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I'm 100% with everything you said here!
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Super February 2020
Karla · on February 24, 2021 at 7:19 PM
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Yes, but the difference between a birthday party and wedding is that your guests attending your birthday party don’t spend large amounts of money on various things for it and pre-events. For a birthday, they buy you a gift and it’s a one day event. Weddings would require they buy a dress, pay for hair and makeup, possibly take off time from work for the rehearsal, pay for a hotel room for the night, wedding gift, etc. On top of that, they’re throwing bachelorette parties and some even a bridal shower (which would include a shower gift). Other weddings guests wouldn’t be expected to do half those things.

I know my bridesmaids spent thousands of dollars each for my wedding and bachelorette. That’s even with me paying for their dress, hair, and makeup, and not having a bridal shower. The least I could do was put some thought to each of their gifts.
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