Should Bridesmaids attend the Bachelorette Party

I am on team pre wedding parties are optional. They can be expensive and sometimes they may not be fun to others because everyone has different ideas on what is fun to them. We all want our friends at these events because it makes them more fun, but not all can make it, not all can afford it, and that's ok! This does not mean they don't value you or your friendship or support you. Asking someone to step down may be a friendship ending move, because you are essentially telling them they are no longer special enough to stand by your side. Have fun with those who can make it.

I had this happen when I was planning my sisters bachelorette. Two bridesmaids agreed months before that they would be going. In the end two of them couldn’t come which was understandable, things come up in life. My sister understood and moved on. Doesn’t mean that they didn’t want to be part of the wedding. Don’t overthink it too much. Things come up that prevent people from taking part in these extra activities

Bridesmaids are not required to attend the bachelorette party. They often do and they often host it, though not always. It's unfortunate that she can't attend, but she isn't obligated to attend. Let her know that you're bummed out that she can't attend and that you'll miss her, but that you understand that work comes first and you'll meet up after the event to share pictures and catch up.

I truly don't understand why you would consider kicking her out of the wedding for not attending optional, pre-wedding events. As long as she will be at your wedding, then she is fine.

Being disappointed (privately) is fine. But, serious question, what support would you be lacking if she doesn't attend your bachelorette party? To answer your question, yes, I think you're being dramatic.

I agree with PP. Pre-wedding events are optional, even to the bridal party. Things come up, not everyone's schedules will work together. I understand being disappointed she can't come, but I don't think this calls for kicking her out of the bridal party. Not everyone can afford it or have the time to go, and that's okay.

I think you, like most of us soon-to-be-brides, have just gotten caught up in the excitement of your wedding, and have made the common mistake of thinking your wedding will hold the same amount of importance and significance to your friends as it does to you. I think most (if not all) brides have had that moment where they had to remind themselves that, while our loved ones are happy and excited for us, our wedding is not their number one priority. Don’t sweat it if your bridesmaid cannot attend the bachelorette party, or if other wedding party members cannot attend other events. It doesn’t mean they aren’t supportive of you, it just means something in their life has to take precedence over that particular event. Just move on and have a blast with those who are able to celebrate with you! :-)

Are you guys friends? It just seems odd to me to want to kick her out as a bridesmaid because she can't attend one of the events. People have lives. It's of course okay to be disappointed, but I think you should be more understanding if you actually care about this person.

Pre-wedding parties are optional. If some people can't make it, that's ok. Please don't let it affect the relationship or the joy you're feeling in the wedding.

You are being dramatic and unreasonable


-she has a work conflict.-this is an optional, "extra" event-this costs time and money, given that it involves a trip
Removing a bridesmaid is a friendship ending move. Her sole obligation is to get the dress and be there on your wedding day. You get one day. Asking whether she wants to be a bridesmaid implies you think she's not doing enough

Response to the question you posed, YES, you’re being dramatic. ALL people (bridesmaids included) attend what they can and they don’t attend what they can’t 🤷🏽‍♀️ There should be no pressure or obligations. As long as they are present at the wedding, that’s the only event that truly matters (even then, the only people who really need to be there are you and your FH). All the extra little pre-parties are just that… Extra! Also, I don’t understand how one person not attending causes such a stir. Just focus on having fun!!

I think that so many people have really demanding work situations that it can be so hard to push for time off. Even places that have PTO can have super jerk bosses.
A long time ago a friend had vacation requested a year in advance - when her honeymoon cruise was booked - and had a lot of vacation time saved. A month before the wedding we got a new manager who cancelled everyone’s vacation for the first six months of his taking over. We all figured he would excuse her for her wedding. But no. So..she worked till a few days before, then quit with immediate notice.
HR was “shocked” even though she had appealed to them. They had all kinds of meetings to address morale in the office and every meeting was “this guy is awful to work for” LOL

All of my bridesmaids weren’t able to make my bachelorette or my bridal shower. People have things going on and I understood that. As long as they show up on the day, that’s what really matters.

Your bridal party don't put their lives on hold for your wedding nor should they be expected to - while you are caught up in wedding bliss and working everything around your wedding, your bridal party still have their own lives to live and other commitments and it is really important to remember that not being able to drop everything to do something for the wedding (such as attending an appointment with you, attending a pre-wedding event etc) does not make them a bad friend or a bad bridesmaid/maid of honour.

I don't think there is anything selfish or unusual about your bridesmaid not attending your bachelorette and I think you're going to cause unnecessary drama if you even speak to her about it because there is nothing to speak about. You are entitled to feeling a bit down about the fact that your friend is unable to make the event because you wanted to celebrate with her (or whatever other feelings you have) but I wouldn't act on it further. Let it go and move on.

Totally optional. Rarely can everyone's schedules align perfectly - let it go and focus on celebrating with those who are able to attend!

I'm having the same issue.. they all tell me they were attending the 5 times I asked before. Now I leave tomorrow for my Bachelorette weekend and now I don't know where they stand. It's very frustrating

You mention that she's also doing this to your cousin so is she a bridesmaid for 2 weddings? That's alot. Even if you think she could manage getting away from work, maybe she just can't afford it or she's not up to being around alot of people. I wouldn't take it personally and if she's your friend I definitely would not ask her to step out of the bridal party.

How did your bachelorette go? Did you end up keeping her as a bridesmaid? I'm in the same predicament. I know everyone thinks it's selfish, but it's common knowledge that accepting the duty/role of a bridesmaid includes attending pre-wedding events. If you don't think you can do everything posible to attend, you should kindly decline. My bridesmaid cant attend because her husband doesn't trust her, so they have an unwritten rule that neither attend bachelor/ette parties. If this was a known fact, she should have said "I can be your bridesmaid but wont be able to make your bachelorette, is that okay." IMO.

I think it would be wise to just have a chat with her. If she agreed prior and if this were me, I'd want a little explanation why. We all understand things come up but if she already agreed and didn't give you an explanation why, then I'd ask to be clear, because something came up or just to understand her point of view.

I think people are being too harsh on you. It’s totally reasonable to want your bridesmaids at your bachelorette. In fact it should be down right EXPECTED! If you ask them to be a bridesmaid and they accept it’s a commitment they make to support you through this amazing celebration. Pre-wedding events INCLUDED. I would be incredibly hurt if any of my girls missed my bachelorette party.