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Should i be offended?

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Ashley, on May 14, 2021 at 4:43 PM

I have a friend from college who is getting married and is not allowing plus ones for her wedding for friends, even if they are in committed relationships. She decided to pick a venue first, then base her guest count off that. I get that weddings can be costly, but I feel like there’s a way to plan practical and cost efficient. A few of us are married/engaged/in committed relationships longer than when she even met her FH. Due to budgeting, the couple is also restricting the reception to family(her family is local, while our friend group is spread out) only, so we would have to leave after the ceremony since it’s all in the same place. I just don’t see the point in spending money for a plane ticket for all of that. Am I overreacting?

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27 Comments

VIP August 2021
Katie · on May 15, 2021 at 10:28 AM
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Also after they disregarded and disrespected my relationship and me with their tacky wedding yea I definitely would not be sending them a gift or a card.
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Super July 2023
Eniale · on May 15, 2021 at 12:19 PM
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Inviting you to the ceremony only is rude, full stop. I would not attend.
As for the SO: I wouldn't be offended. I would take it as good information.
You see, the new age wedding guest list mantra is "don't invite anyone you don't want present."
Following that, if I received a wedding invitation to find my husband was not invited with me, it would be reasonable to assume that the couple does not want my husband there for some reason.
Is it money or space? Perhaps. But then, why did the couple decide my husband was unworthy of a seat or a plate at their wedding?
That would be good information that would then lead to me putting the couple at an arm's length moving forward. I would decline, and I would not get them a gift or a card, as I have personally decided they are not worthy of my hard-earned money, just as they decided my husband was not worthy of theirs.
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VIP August 2021
Katie · on May 15, 2021 at 1:23 PM
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Exactly this 👏👏👏
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Super October 2022
AJ · on May 15, 2021 at 1:35 PM
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I wouldn't attend, I have a friend who apparently can only have 30 people (even though IL is opening up a lot now) and my FH didn't get invited. Its almost 3 hours away and I'd have to get a hotel - I love my friend but their reception is going to be at a buffalo wild wings... so I don't think I'll be traveling for it - Their wedding isn't until November and he was asking me the other day if I'm staying at the hotel for one or two nights - like dude idfk - The cost for me to drive down there, tolls - gas, stay at a hotel, give a gift and just the TIME - I don't think its worth it for some BWW. I feel petty as heck but I can celebrate with them later.
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Dedicated June 2021
Brittany · on May 16, 2021 at 5:48 PM
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If you are married it's not a "plus one". Married couples, as well as people who are in established long-term relationships are considered a social unit and it isn't acceptable to invite just one person. Covid restrictions for gathering size are a reasonable exception to this rule, anything else including budget is not.
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VIP October 2022
Samantha · on May 16, 2021 at 6:20 PM
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As far as being offended, why waste energy on that? She’s committed a breach of etiquette, yes. An invitation is not a summons and you can easily send a decline RSVP.

For many people, weddings are the only social event with any level of formality they will plan. There are a lot of breaches that happen - by omission, ignorance, thoughtlessness or even malice - and getting upset about them will make us all miserable.
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Lady · on May 17, 2021 at 2:09 PM
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I would be offended and would definitely not go to a ceremony only/no SO invited event that i had to travel for.
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