Should i call it off? Not sure where to turn.

I’m sorry but I really think you should postpone at the very least to give yourselves time to re-evaluate the relationship. His family not being supportive, and all his friends backing out of the wedding are some pretty big red flags. He’s been telling people he’s not ready, but doesn’t seem to be discussing those feelings with you. No one wants a failed engagement, but a failed marriage would be even worse. Couples counseling, and perhaps individual counseling as well would be a good place to start.

You don’t have to leave him to call off the wedding. It seems like you guys need to take some time to figure out what you truly want. Is FH telling his friends he’s not happy because he thinks that’s what they want to hear, or is he telling you that’s the reason because that’s what you want to hear? Either way, getting married isn’t the answer. It will only magnify the issues you’re already having. Counseling, both together and separately, may be beneficial.

You guys both seem to talk to your friends one of the foundation necessary for any relationship/marriage is communication. You guys need to have a serious conversation eliminating outside opinions. To determine if you and him what the same thing as a couple together. Good luck!!!

Something that I have found out through this process that nobody talks about is that it is okay to feel scared about marriage. However, you both should be handling it by openly communicating with each other.

I'm hurting for you.
And as much as it would hurt to do so, I think waiting awhile is the best option. You love him and you want to be with him. However, it seems like everyone he talks to is under the assumption that he is uncertain. And unfortunately, a lot of people try to take big steps to better their relationship (like engagements) when there is an underlying issue that should be addressed first. All relationships have their flaws, but moving forward without fixing big issues could be a hurting your relationship already and may end disastrously.
I'm sure it's not what you want to hear but it is time to put all your cards on the table and decide what isn't right. If the two of you are willing and ready to try and work together to make your relationship better, it should make you a stronger couple and others will notice.
His "people pleaser" attitude just doesn't work in this situation. You don't tell someone you dont know about your relationship because your friends want to hear it. If he is 100% commited to you and you guys work together, his friends will come around and his family will get over it. But the uncertainty is pushing them away.
Based on personal experience, it turns out that my former SO and I had just become dependent on eachother and we weren't able to grow personally or as a couple anymore. And it hurt like a B* but we are so much better for it and we are friends now.
And almost 4 years later, I have the right guy that fits me in every way without having to worry if it's the right decision. No uncertainty.
If that were to happen, it would be devastating. But in the end things would mend themselves for the better.
Good luck 💙

I was in the relationship before (6years, we lived together a year, before he lived in my parents' house) were his family and friends didn't approve our relationship.
And i have to say, as i loved him very much, it was exhausting... it seemed that my relationship didn't belong to me.
When your FH cares about these people a lot and spends lots of time with them, then i would wait a little before rushing into marriage. I dont believe that people change... if they are toxic right now (before all the daily life and problems begin) then what will happen when you will have a child or two and you need support and all the love from your/his family and friends?
I cant say that do this or that, but you have only one life and all of us at least hope that we all have only one happy marriage. You deserve best!

First and foremost, I am so sorry you have to go through his during a time when you should feel celebrated and love. I also think you should consider postponing the wedding until things are figured out. The last thing you’ll want is to start a marriage off uncertain! I’ve done couples therapy before and maybe you’ll consider it too! It’s really nice to have a middle person who isn’t involved in your life the way your friends and family are.

Good luck! I truly hope for the best for you

I'm sorry you are going through this but, would you want to be with someone who is telling people that they don't want to be with you behind your back? I think its time that you do some soul-searching and put things on hold until you know what's best for you. Its ok to be scared about marriage but, confiding in your friends for things that you should be talking to your partner about is a really bad idea.

I truly feel for you. Protect your heart and furthering your stress and take the wedding off the table. Of course every situation is different. But, if it helps, I personally know of 4 weddings that have been called off, including my own fiancé’s previous relationship. And you know what? Everyone came out the other side for the better. Getting married should feel right for both of you- even though it’s at times scary-. And you (both!) deserve that happiness and confidence. Get some counseling (both individually and together) and take the pressure of the wedding off yourself and him, and hopefully he will be able to articulate to you what the root of the problem is.
Good luck and hope the best for you!

This truly stinks. It would be in Your best interest to postpone until he stops saying and behaving that way. In the end your not going to be happy until there's a change.

I am going to agree - postpone and get yourself some counseling. It's not worth trying to force something at this point. Trust me I am divorced and was a single mom for 10 years before meeting FH. If I could go back and see all those red flags, I would have called it off. Lots of luck.

I am so sorry you are going thru this so close to your wedding date 😔 But I agree, the wedding should definitely be postponed. Postponing is a lot better than divorce in my opinion. You two don’t need to breakup. Try counseling, talking more to eachother. Find out what he wants because him telling his friends those things is not ok whatsoever. If he’s saying it he must be feeling some type of way. And if it just doesnt work out in the end then maybe he’s just not the one for you. I know It’s heartbreaking, but love should not be forced on someone. And you deserve to be loved and respected. Best of luck to you, beautiful ❤️

Personally, I wouldn’t go through with marriage with all of these what ifs and “did he really say those things and mean them?” situations hanging over my head. I’m sorry you’re going though this but I would at the very least postpone. Marriage won’t make a relationship easier and he’s not being honest with you or his friends.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, but honestly I'd never want to be in a relationship with a man who will talk about our relationship to his friends behind my back.

Your relationship is between the two of you, of course no one supports your marriage when he keeps telling everyone that he basically thinks its a bad idea, too.

I'd postpone the wedding and have a serious talk with him and then consider counseling. These are huge red flags and I wouldn't take them lightly. He needs to learn to be comfortable enough to communicate with you first and foremost before he goes to his friends or family about anything. He shouldn't be going to them at all about this stuff.

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OP, I am so extremely sorry that you are going through this! My heart is aching for you.

I'd have to agree with DC Bride here. I would be extremely upset to find out my FH was making those statements to his friends/family. Those types of comments make him sound like he is trapped in a relationship and he is being forced into the marriage, thus vilifying you to his friends and family. You almost can't blame them for feeling the way that they do if that is all they are hearing.

I know that things like this are easier said than done, and I know you love him tremendously, but again I would have to agree with a lot of PPs - perhaps postponing the wedding to talk things through and make sure you're being honest with one another (maybe more-so he be 100% honest with you) would be the best next step.

Wishing you the best of luck through this.

I would postpone if you're having any doubts, much less bigger doubts. You need time to think about what is best for you.

IMO a failed engagement is better than a failed marriage, and a lot easier to get out of. If you are having serious reservations I would say not to go through with it and I would say from your posts you are. In the end you really need to have a calm talk with your fiance and figure out what is best for you both.

I don't think ya'll should break up, but I feel like getting married at this point is not a good idea. We went through the same thing a couple years ago. But the thing was he was telling me one thing then telling other people other things. We had to slow things down and a few therapy sessions later, we are stronger than ever. I would postpone the wedding, and maybe the engagement until he is ready.

Postpone and seek counseling.

This totally sucks that you are gping through this! You and your honey really need to havr an honey heart to heart about your furure. Not to be to analytical but you said you dont want a failed engagement so it is a matter of you know what you want but you don't want the stigmia of a failed engagement? One way or another you deserve to be happy! Your honey may just be a fron in prince clothing.