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Just Said Yes October 2024

Should i call off my wedding?

Lisa, on August 7, 2024 at 4:30 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 4
Hi All. I’m hoping for some advice on how to navigate this painful experience. My fiancé and I have been together for three years. He’s 39, I’m 35. On in our relationship, he confessed to me that he had an opiate addiction in his 20s while struggling with the death of his father. He has been sober for over 10 years now and is active in his sobriety. It took me a while to be comfortable with this because I never dated somebody with the history of any substance abuse, but I appreciated him being so honest about it with me. He has never given me any concern that he would use again. He has a great family and group of friends, and in my opinion we all have a past. What mattered to me is that he’s turning his life around.
Because they’re nosey, my parents decided to run a background check on him before they even met him and saw he was arrested for purchasing opiates. No matter what he’s done or effort he’s made in getting to know them, my parents never gave him a chance. It’s a shame because he’s a sweetheart and so good to me. Family is very important to him and not being able to have a relationship with mine is breaking us.
My parents have informed my the entire family that I’m so desperate I’m marrying a drug addict who’s going to ruin my life so they shouldn’t attend my wedding. They cancelled my bridal shower and have now gone no contact with me. I’m beyond humiliated, hurt. People think I’m desperate and marrying a loser when they don’t know his story. He’s the love of my life and I’m heartbroken he’s experiencing this much hate from my family. His past is nobody’s business but I can’t stand the rumors my parents are causing. Should I just give up and cancel our wedding?

4 Comments

Latest activity by Andrea, on August 16, 2024 at 4:24 PM
  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    I would go low contact with your parents actually. That's just awful treatment of you and your spouse, wow. Have the wedding with people there that actually support you and don't downtalk you behind your back.

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  • Susana
    Beginner March 2025
    Susana ·
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    I would go no contact with your family and just elope. If he treats your right and there’s no abuse and you fully trust him and the love you have, then I wouldn’t even entertain your family and anyone that won’t be there to support you on your big day.
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  • D
    Dedicated October 2018
    Deb ·
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    Congratulations to your fiancé for being sober for over 10 years. I work in harm reduction and have clients that have not used (been sober) in 20-30 years. They are married, have families and good jobs. I wish you could make your parents realize that substance used disorder is a disease and people struggling should be treated with respect and love. You may benefit from attending a Smart Recovery meeting for families in your area. I’m sorry you are going through this. Please don’t cancel your wedding.

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  • Andrea
    Rockstar January 2024
    Andrea ·
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    I wouldn’t cancel my wedding, but I would immediately uninvite my parents and anyone else who was being judgmental and cruel. Canceling your wedding wouldn’t do anything except tell them they’re right.
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