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Just Said Yes June 2019

Should i cancel the wedding

Marie, on December 10, 2019 at 6:41 AM Posted in Married Life 1 31
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My FH and I have been together for 3 years. During the second year of our relationship he cheated on me, and owned up to it. We agreed to work on it to try and fix the relationship and shortly after he proposed. Long story short I had no reason to suspect he had ever done anything since that incident but I recently saw texts he had sent to two separate girls he had met while at a strip club. He claims that they were part of the “group” of people he was with and not strippers but he was texting one about meeting for a drink and seemed like he wanted to hang out with the other one on one. I don’t think he saw either again because he called me at that same time while he was driving back to his hotel but the fact that he got other girls numbers and texted them really bothers me. When I asked him about it he got mad at me for looking at his texts because it shows I still don’t trust him. I know he loves me I’m just afraid of this behavior happening for the rest of our life together. Is this something that can be resolved or is the wedding doomed? We’re also pretty far in to the wedding planning and spending which is making this even more difficult to even consider.

31 Comments

Latest activity by Sara, on December 15, 2019 at 6:40 PM
  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    I hate to say this but it sounds to me that if you were to continue the wedding and get married that you would be interesting a marriage without full Trust. Benefit of the doubt what he said is true but I feel like I would not want my man meeting up with any woman that's not family and I'm not there. Same thing I would not meet up with a man by myself without my FH being there. I would love to tell you to keep the wedding but ultimately I think you know deep in your heart but the best thing to do is. Sounds to me like he has not changed much. I would say if anything maybe hold off on the wedding and you to try to resolve some things because you don't want to enter a marriage on those type of grounds. I wish you the best of luck and hope everything works out.
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  • Amber
    Super September 2020
    Amber ·
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    tenor.gif
    Girl, you deserve so much better. Love yourself more and leave this man. A ring n a marriage license isn't going to make him do you right even he's already shown you how he feels about you.



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  • Kathryn
    Just Said Yes April 2021
    Kathryn ·
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    Girl RUN! Do not settle for that kind of behavior. If the girls he was texting were part of the group he was with, you most likely would’ve known who they are or at least recognized their names. It doesn’t matter how far into wedding planning or spending you, you have to be confident with your choice.
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  • Amber
    Dedicated October 2020
    Amber ·
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    I personally don't understand how a relationship can continue after someone cheats. It breaks the trust and I don't believe that is something that can be given back. You'd always be wondering if they'd do it again. Though, I think it also depends on how it happened. If someone got drunk and it wasn't planned then I could see it maybe being worked out. But, if it was with someone he intentionally chose to hang out with alone when he knew he was attracted to her, then I would think it would happen again.


    Maybe try couples counseling?I'm sorry this probably isn't what you want to hear, but it's better to hurt now then to have a marriage without trust. Only you know if you can trust him again.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    You should cancel, or at the very least postpone, the wedding until you know what you want. None of us can tell you the right call, but I know the answer would be pretty cut and dry for me. You're planning a wedding with this man and he's going to strip clubs and trying to meet with the dancers for drinks afterward. Do you think he wants to meet with them to talk about weather or current events? Doubtful. You clearly don't trust him anyway, and for good reason. You need to think long and hard on this. I understand not wanting to lose the deposits that you've already put down, but you know what will be even more expensive? Paying for the rest of the wedding then paying for a divorce in a few years.

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  • Cyndy
    Master May 2019
    Cyndy ·
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    I think you know the answer to your question. Even if he isn’t meeting these women (yet), he’s texting them and that’s disrespectful and is a reason to be concerned. These are not mutual female friends that you know about. Most cheaters have a problem and will continue to do it. You deserve so much better than that. There is someone out there that will respect you and never do that to you! I know it’s hard since you are now planning a wedding and it might seem scary to call it off, but going through with it and finding out in a year or two will only take away from the life you deserve. My ex cheated on be so many times I can’t count and I finally had the courage to leave and eventually found a good man who would never do that to me. Good luck!
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  • P
    January 2014
    Pam ·
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    A spouse is supposed to be the person you trust most. Cancel or at least postpone for a long time while you guys have some intense counseling.

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Honestly, I wouldn't have stayed in the relationship after he cheated on you. No one deserves to be cheated on. He is obviously not being completely honest with you since he is texting other women and he doesn't want you to find out. Most people don't meet up with strippers for drinks just to talk so that should be a huge red warning flag that something is very wrong. I would have kicked his butt to the curb a while ago, but that is ultimately your decision. I can tell you my dad was unfaithful to my mom within the first few years of their marriage. That was over 20 years ago and she still questions the things he does. She choose to stay with him because she loves him, but she has admitted she probably wouldn't have made that same choice if she could do it again. Unless you want to forever question your relationship then I would cancel the wedding and move on from this relationship.
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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    There is so much to unpack here. First, he cheated and that is a severe break in trust no matter what. Second, you now feel in a place where you do feel justified questioning him, whether your suspicions are correct or not, they are certainly valid. Third, for someone with a history of cheating to make plans with other women and make the choice to keep that from their partner is in itself suspicious. We all know that even guilty people will act offended that they are being questioned and, quite frankly, it's manipulation. If you are even questioning the wedding, you need to consider calling it off. I am a firm believer that doubt is a sign of a problem. Forget how far along the wedding planning route you are now, imagine being married with children and having to go through a divorce. If you feel this way now, will it truly get better or are you thinking of going through with it to not let everyone else down? They aren't the ones that will have to live with doubt, mistrust, and fear. Do what is best for you!

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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    If you can’t trust him you should not be with him. So sorry you’re going through this But you deserve someone who wants you and only you, and who never makes you doubt that.
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  • Jennifer
    Super March 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    Run. Cheaters have trouble stopping their poor behavior. He gave you a pretty big reason to never trust him fully again. No matter how great things have gotten, you will always be always be looking over your shoulder waiting for the next girl to come along. It sounds like that is already happening. Nobody deserves this.
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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    If you’re asking the internet if you should cancel, the answer is yes (or at least postpone). I’m not telling you that this relationship can’t or won’t work. But what I’m saying is in this moment, whether he is ultimately trustworthy or not, you don’t currently trust him enough to comfortably enter into a marriage. You need to be at 100% going into a marriage, otherwise you’re setting yourself up for heartache. If you’re feeling so unsure right now, you shouldn’t do it right now— it’s as simple as that. It doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is doomed, just that in this moment, it needs more time before the next step. (Also please try not to factor in dollars already invested In the wedding. That’s frankly a dangerous reason to enter into a commitment like this. Remember that divorce is expensive too, and there may be solutions to work with vendors to postpone or find someone else able to take over the contract)
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  • M
    Just Said Yes June 2019
    Marie ·
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    Thank you!
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  • M
    Just Said Yes June 2019
    Marie ·
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    Thank you.
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  • Jennifer
    Super March 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    Good lucky dear. I dealt with this years ago. Cheated over 25 times. Lied about having a kid behind my back and finally assaulted me. I'd you need someone to talk to, please reach out. Life is so valuable and you'd hate to spend it scared and sad your entire life.
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  • vttn
    Dedicated May 2020
    vttn ·
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    I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Nobody should be treated that way especially by her husband. You are right life is so valuable. Best wishes to you!
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    You deserve so much better. It blows my mind a guy could even cheat into a fairly new relationship (it’s not like you’ve together for 10 years and had drifted apart—which still wouldn’t make it right). And why would an engaged guy be at strip clubs? And getting other girls’ numbers???? Nope, I would gather your anger and straight up leave or kick him out. Please take care of you and get out. This guy seems immature and slimy.
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  • Vannesa
    Expert October 2021
    Vannesa ·
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    TO be honest, I would call it off. Possibly put it on hold. Counseling may help but if he isn't willing to change and continues to hide it and show you aren't enough I would definitely cancel it.

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  • Angel
    Expert August 2020
    Angel ·
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    I personally would have never said yes to a "man" that already cheated on me. I would definitely call it off. He's proved to you multiple times that he is not good enough for you. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Just remember there's definitely someone better out there that will treat you the way you deserve to eb treated.

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  • Jennifer
    VIP August 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    Leave him and don't look back. He was mad you looked at his phone? Well he literally cheated on you before, and was 100% planning on doing it again, so of course you looked at his phone! If you marry him you will spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder for the other woman, whether she exists or not. Find someone who loves you and only you!


    We all are here for you! Smiley heart

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