Should i change my date?(sensitive)

Does the 9/16 date hold significance for you or your FH? Is there a specific reason you need to be married on that date? If so, stand firm on your choice. If not, it may be worth it to change the date to 9/30. It’s only 2 weeks difference. And while I agree that your sister’s behavior is immature and ridiculous, changing the date will likely be less stressful for you and make planning your event more enjoyable.

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Ah No significance at all. its not a big deal to move it, other family members are a bit upset that she is doing that as well and asking me to keep the date. I wish I could move it up sooner, but there are no sooner dates. Also 9/30 is 3 days after my dads bday and 7 days before my moms. They have told me that it doesn't matter for them too, but yeah I am actually confirming that now with them before I move it.

I have been talking to my bestie about this and how anxious I have been and it has been making me. I just want this to be a happy process

I'm torn on what advice I want to give. I firmly believe that you should not let people manipulate you into doing what they want, because that's obviously what she's doing. She wants you to be so stressed and upset that you move your date, and I think that's extremely wrong. If you move the date, you allow her to continue acting this way which is absurd.

On the other hand, you should feel happy about your wedding planning. If you absolutely cannot put your sisters behavior out of your mind, then I would move the date. I would do your absolute best to stop talking to her about wedding things, and when she makes jabs, tell her that it's inappropriate and you're tired of hearing it. I really don't think you should allow her to ruin this for you.

Out of curiosity, how old is your sister? Could this be age related? I only ask, because this seems like something that a small child would do, not an adult - and seems like something she would be embarrassed about later. Also - she wants you to move your wedding date to accommodate her birthday, are you then also supposed to work family planning, your vacations, etc., etc., and so on around her birthday?!

Your sister and I share a birthday one of my best friends got on married on 9/19 and I was in the wedding not once did I think but its my birthday. Your wedding will almost always be in close proximity to another person's special event no matter what date you choose. Why would your future anniversaries involve her in anyway. Does your sister live far away, you are having a small wedding on a Friday her birthday is on Tuesday she has the whole rest of the weekend to celebrate her birthday is she wants to. If you were getting married on her actual birthday she d MAYBE have a very small case but in this case I realIy don't get the problem at all. It sucks that this is stressing you out. I d keep the date and tell your sister if she has nothing nice to say to please not say anything at all. We cannot control other people but we can control our reactions to their poor behavior, you have done nothing wrong plan your day and feel the joy around it. Have the happiest day sending you the biggest of hugs!

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She is 25 going to turn 26. I am about to turn 28 this year.

She is not a very direct person, but once she started making it about her she basically sounded like she would be less annoyed if it wasn't about her birthday. In my previous post I explained that she sent a text the family saying she has decided to plan to celebrate her birthday the 9/16-9/18 and that is what more confirmed that she is hinting at moving it.

In her head its about her and if she doesn't have both available dates to her then she feels limited. So instead of choosing the dates after her birthday , she chose the dates before already knowing about the wedding

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I am just as torn as you. Those are my exact thoughts and I am not sure how to solve this in my mind. If I leave the date will it cause more issues?

I know now that I could be able to respond to stuff that is inappropriate from her now since I have calmed down since Monday.

I just want the planning to be just as happy as I am with my Fiancé

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She unfortunately sent a text to the family already saying she is choosing to celebrate her birthday 9/16-9/18 already knowing we have let everyone know the wedding date. So I am not sure why she is choosing those dates vs any other weekend.

She has honestly been the only person who I have seen care like this. She does have her other things going on in her life that are good like she bought a condo, but her boyfriend and her are going through some serious negative stuff that may end up making her a single mom. So Idk that could be related to how she's acting too.

I m sorry if I sent my family that text they d laugh at me. If she chooses not to go to her sister's wedding because her birthday is 4 days aways thats on her and thats something she will probably regret. I wouldn't cater to this at all. I m sorry this happening but its showing you who she is and what's important to her. Try not to let it ruin your happiness and surround yourself with people who love you and care about you. Best of luck!

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Plan your wedding for 9/16 - she needs to get over it - especially since you had already announced the wedding before she started making all this fuss. Ignore her petulance and plan the day you're happy with - if she chooses not to come because it's four days before her birthday, that's a her problem (and reflects poorly on her) not a you problem.

I'm not really sure why she thinks it's such a big deal to begin with, and I truly believe if you change your date, then she's going to try to dictate when you can do all the other events in your life.

FWIW - we got married three days after *my* birthday - it hasn't changed that we can celebrate both.

I say stick to the date. It’s a union of two people for the rest of their lives. She had birthdays before this one she will have birthdays after. But how many times can she say she went and celebrated her sisters wedding. I say keep the date. She literally is acting like a child. And can celebrate the weekend after her birthday or even the day of

While changing the date might seem like the path of least resistance, I really think you should keep your date. Your sister sounds like she needs a strong reality check that not everything in everyone's lives revolves around her. Her behavior sounds incredibly attention-seeking to me, and while we all need attention from time to time, this isn't the way to go about that. A wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime event, she has a birthday every year. Plus, you had picked your date before she started planning her party (on a day that isn't even her birthday, I might add). If she wants to keep throwing a tantrum then I'd do what plenty of parents do when their toddlers do that: let her cry it out. Either she'll come to her senses and realize she's being ridiculous, or her immaturity will reflect poorly on her.

View Quoted Comment That’s exactly my thought process here- your happiness. Is your sister being a brat? Absolutely. Does she need a reality check? For sure. Do I think I’d choose my wedding for the the event to draw the line in the sand? Nope. It may prove a point, but at what cost- your happiness with/at your own wedding?? Personally, I don’t think your happiness and enjoyment during this once-in-a-lifetime event is worth the sacrifice just to knock your sister down a peg.

Your sisters birthday had nothing to do with you or your wedding. Sounds like she is being selfish and may be a little narcissistic. Do what YOU want.

Do not cater to a bully. You and fiancé pick the date you want and she can deal with it. Sometimes you don’t have a choice with dates based on venue availability. Do you have your venue booked already? They may or may not have other dates available and if they do, it might not be the easiest process to move the date. Is this behavior new for her or does she regularly act like this to get her way? Either way, do not give in to threats. Unfortunately just because someone is blood doesn’t make them supportive or a healthy relationship. Do what you and fiancé feel is best and she can deal with it.

I truly can't fathom why this is so important to her. I went to someone else's wedding ON my actual birthday and I somehow struggled through it, lol. Personally I would keep the date as is, and ignore the antics. Definitely don't involve her in any aspect of planning etc.

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I have decided to keep the date of 9/16 not in spite or anything for her. I do love my sister, but growing up it has always been a very tough and a little bit scary ride with things. I try to walk on egg shells to just make sure I don't do or say the wrong thing. yesterday I started making note cards to see how I felt about each date and I sat down and thought to myself wow I am making flash cards for something so simple to try and make a hard decision. Having very little sleep and exhausted and crying for three days. I did not choose this day to make her upset or to make her birthday weekend about me. We first wanted it to be end of August, but nothing was available then we wanted 9.9.22 and right when we saw it available we tried to book it and it was taken. and the next date was 9.16.22 and 9.23.22. I figured 9.23.22 would be worse tbh. So I avoided that date. On 9.30 it will also be the first day of my Period too along with some other birthdays and I just got so overwhelmed, because it just felt like everyone has something at any point and does it make sense to just keep pushing my wedding off every time its in the way of someone else's "something"

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I am not sure she has plenty of things around my birthday which is 10.29 lol I don't care to be bothered. She has also had people do things FOR her on their birthday, so tbh I am not sure why she feels like only her days are more important than anyone else's. I have kept the date.

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I realized when we picked the date how HAPPY we both were doing it ourselves and choosing each other. The other dates make it feel forced and honestly 9/30 wouldn't work either so the next available date would be 10.21.22. So I am just like how much more would I have to keep pushing it off

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Good for you for making a decision. Now try not to put anymore of your energy into it if she decides not to come or continue to whine about it thats on her. You are getting married yaaaaay!!!!! Choose to be happy and let her wallow in it if she wants to. Happy planning and congrats!!!!