I’m having a lot of trouble with 1 of my bridesmaids and need advice.
Back story: she is my fiancé’s brother’s wife (aka my future sister in law), so things get a little more complicated since I can’t burn too many bridges or cancel her from my life forever since I will be seeing her every Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc for the rest of my life.
Story: We were close before. But recently with my wedding planning she has become very negative/competitive. Every time I bring up any wedding planning she makes comments like “no one will remember what your wedding will look like. I can’t believe people waste money on florals and decor if no one’s going to be paying attention to it anyways. My wedding wasn’t the overly decorated but people had fun, and that’s what matters”. When I was picking out my wedding invites, she said “it doesn’t matter how pretty your invites are. They’re just going to end up in your guests’ trash.” It makes me so sad since I’m so excited to be planning my wedding and these comments just bring me down.
Additionally, since she got married in 2014, she also now takes every opportunity of my wedding talk to segue into “I’m planning my 10 year vow renewal for next year in 2024” and proceeds to tell me all the extravagant things she plans for it (even though she literally just told me how no one will remember/care about the extravagant decor at my wedding???). Not sure if she’s trying to steal my thunder? Compensate for her own wedding regrets? Idk.
From the aforementioned topics, I’ve already felt so uneasy having her there as a bridesmaid for my big day since I’m afraid of what comments she will make on my actual wedding day that could bring me down.
The most recent thing though is what’s really been it for me. During my bridesmaid proposal a year ago, I gave the ladies info for their dresses: shoprevelry.com, blush color, satin material, floor length. They can pick their own styles but I asked them to send me the dresses they choose so I can approve before purchasing (since my theme is formal / black tie, and I would like to stay away from the casual styles). She picked a dress, tried it on, I loved it. Thought that was the end of the story. Now 1 year later she texted me that she decided to go with a different dress and already purchased it 3 months ago. I frantically googled the dress. It was the right color and material but was ankle length (not floor length like I had asked) and was a very casual “brunch” style with ruffles (not the clean cut black-tie look I am going for).
I’m not an unreasonable person - if she loved this dress sooo much and if it was the only one she felt/looked good in then I would be open to making an exception if she had just communicated with me first. I’m more so upset about the lack of communication and sneaking behind my back (especially since she bought it 3 months ago and is just telling me now - not sure how that just slips your mind for 3 months).
Anyways, with the negative comments she’s made about my wedding planning added onto this feeling of being undermined, I am definitely stressed out and hurt, and don’t want her in my bridal party anymore. Reminder again though, she is family so I can’t fire her and never see her again.
Does anyone have any suggestions on what to say/do?
