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S
Dedicated September 2022

Should i give up on a bachelorette party?

S, on March 15, 2022 at 6:27 PM Posted in Parties and Events 0 21

So we're getting married in Europe, and we know that we're asking so much of our guests to travel the distance and spend the money to celebrate with us there. We have communicated that we completely understand that it's not possible for some and so we don't want people to feel this obligation to go if it's difficult for them. Coupled with that, we don't have a formal wedding party since our guest list is smaller and the friends we've invited would all be considered part of our wedding party.

Now this takes me to the topic at hand - since we don't have a wedding party, maybe this is a reason why I don't have any of my girlfriends taking initiative to plan a bachelorette party for me, which is okay and I am trying my best to plan everything. My best friend, who was the only one I invited to come dress shopping with me, is like my unofficial maid of honor, and I've told her this, but she basically said that all summer she would not be able to come to my bachelorette party because she is planning to study for an important board exam. So this makes her automatically not a potential person to help me with planning... On top of that, my friends are scattered throughout the state and some across the country. Basically out of 8 girls, only 2 have been really flexible and excited to just celebrate with me, and have expressed that they're down for doing whatever sounds like a good time for me - which ideally would be going to Cancun (it's a short and cheap flight for us on the coast), relax on the beach with tequila shots, and enjoy some spa time. I have another friend who does want to come, but she's a little further away and has a lot more restrictions - she doesn't want to drive at the destination that she would fly to (she would need to fly even if we do something more local), she can't take time off and so she can only fly on like a Friday late evening (which means someone will need to be available to pick her up and drop her off according to her schedule), and she's more cost conscious (so she wants to find the cheapest flights but that poses difficulties when picking a location for the bachelorette). It had seemed like Cancun would be challenging for her and she kept expressing that something "local" is easier, even though most of the local options really didn't seem like my cup of tea. In an effort to pick something that seemed would be more accessible to a greater majority, I picked something local and now even that is challenging for them to attend. I completely understand that people have other things going on and the financial implications in addition to our destination wedding, and at the same time I'm a little bummed about the way my friends have responded. I'm at the point of just wanting to scrap the whole idea of a bachelorette party because it doesn't seem like there's much excitement about it and the entire planning has fallen on me - I'm exhausted and I don't want to force a bachelorette party that (1) very few people will attend and (2) isn't even how I would do it. I feel the bridezilla in me coming out over this, and I don't want to be that person, but is it bad if I just don't bother with having a bach party at all? I'm not even excited after all of this anymore.


Note: We didn't have an engagement party and I doubt there will be anything like a bridal shower (who would bother throwing one? lol), so this was the one "extra" thing that seemed like a nice experience to have but maybe it's just too much.

21 Comments

Latest activity by Valerie, on January 5, 2023 at 11:07 PM
  • mrswinteriscoming
    VIP December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    To be completely honest, I would scrap the bachelorette.

    You don’t even like the plans that have been made to keep costs low but your girls mostly wouldn’t be able to afford your dream trip (on top of attending the wedding itself) and I feel like if you make concessions that you really don’t like, all that will happen is that you will end up feeling upset because the bachelorette was nice but not what you wanted so if it were me, I personally would be cutting my losses.

    In any case, you don’t need to have a bachelorette to have the full wedding experience, and hey, even an impromptu night out on the town with your girls might do the trick if you still want a night to celebrate you and your upcoming wedding?!

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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    A destination bachelorette in addition to a destination wedding is a lot to ask of people.

    Why don't you just grab whoever wants to go and just have a trip? You don't really need to call it a bachelorette. It's still a trip to Cancun!

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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    A destination bach and a destination wedding are a lot. I'd do a Zoom girl's night and call that your bach. Keep it simple. The more travel, expense, and logistics involved, the less enthusiastic people will be
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  • Taylor
    VIP October 2022
    Taylor ·
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    A destination wedding and Bach party is a lot of to ask in my opinion
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  • S
    Dedicated September 2022
    S ·
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    I feel like a lot of people are really honing in on "destination bach", which I've already said I'm just doing something local. The point now is that even the local thing is coming off as a "burden" for some.

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  • S
    Dedicated September 2022
    S ·
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    Yeah, that's where my head is at too. At this point, I'm worried about getting even more disappointed in how people might respond to the local plan if I send it out to more of my girls, and I'd rather just avoid conflict and disappointment if possible - better for my head space to focus on the positive stuff

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  • S
    Dedicated September 2022
    S ·
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    I've definitely considered this, but I'm worried I might offend my friends who wouldn't be able to join on that weekend trip. Though I guess that's not a super valid concern if even the local idea is not a possibility for them either. I do like the idea, however, of just making it a getaway and maybe just focusing on relaxing rather than a "bachelorette party"

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  • K
    Dedicated May 2019
    Kylie ·
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    If you’re not happy with the local plans, I’d scrap them. What about asking whoever can/is interested coming a night or two early to your wedding and partying then?
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  • Samantha
    Super August 2022
    Samantha ·
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    One thing you can look at is having the night before your wedding be your "bachelorette" night! My FH's groomsmen are all over the country and he doesn't feel right asking them to come to him for a bachelor party when we're having a destination wedding, so the night before the wedding is when he'll hang out with them. We'll all go to the welcome dinner, but then he and his group will go do something fun (or we'll all go, depending on what it is!) and I'll stay in the bridesmaids suite with my girls! Totally an option for you to still get to celebrate with them while working around schedules and budgets.


    I promise I get how weird it feels like no one wants to celebrate with you, but I can just about guarantee that if they could make it work they would in a heartbeat. Consider finding something for you to do with them the morning of the wedding or the night before (a bridal brunch could be a good experience too!!!) as a compromise?
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    It is a destination bachelorette if your wedding party is scattered throughout the state/country as you have described. It's travel for them to get even to the local (for you) event.

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  • S
    Dedicated September 2022
    S ·
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    I see - so what do people do when they have a wedding and bachelorette that’s local to them but involves travel from their girlfriends? Is it normal to just not do a bachelorette or something?
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  • S
    Dedicated September 2022
    S ·
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    I love this idea, Samantha. I was worried about tacking on extra days of obligation abroad for our guests because I figured that people would want to go travel around and enjoy the rest of their vacation, but doing something after the welcome dinner or setting something special up while getting ready on the day of the wedding is nice because it’s not an extra day we’d be asking them to give up
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Well this whole idea of destination, multi-day bachelorettes sort of started around the time of FB and IG. It's really not realistic to expect that most of the time.

    I would suggest getting together with people that can make it but usually someone plans this for the bride, as opposed to the bride planning this for herself.

    Pre-wedding parties are a gift to you from someone close to you, but they aren't mandatory and sometimes not possible.

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  • Zully
    Dedicated September 2023
    Zully ·
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    I’d scrap the idea. Destination events are expensive and and realistic for everyone so a destination bachelorette in addition to a destination wedding is a lot to ask. I’d set up something once everyone gets to the wedding destination
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  • Zully
    Dedicated September 2023
    Zully ·
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    And not*


    Sorry, typo!
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  • Samantha
    Super August 2022
    Samantha ·
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    Exactly! To my FH it was kind of the perfect sweet spot.
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  • A
    Expert September 2022
    Allie ·
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    What I've always seen (for people whose friends are spread out) is to have a night out in the wedding location either 1 or 2 nights before the wedding itself. That may be more feasible, and in that case, your unofficial MOH may be much more willing and able to help!

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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    In my experience, yes, it's normal to not have a bachelorette in this case. My bridesmaids were scattered in different cities all throughout the country, and my wedding was local in the city where I live. I would have felt way too bad having them travel out to me twice, so we decided not to have a bachelorette. I'm sure I would have had one if my friends were local.

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  • Sayra
    Beginner November 2022
    Sayra ·
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    The trip to Europe will be costly and I imagine most will consider it almost their yearly vacation and they're spending that with YOU. If i were you, I would just ask friends, bridesmaids or not, to go on a trip and treat it as a girls get away or unofficial bachelorette and take whoever can come with 0 expectation that they will pay anything for you.

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  • S
    Dedicated September 2022
    S ·
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    Yeah, I should have clarified that I don't have any expectation of people paying for me with respect to the bachelorette party. The idea of a bach party being a "gift" to the bride honestly seems pretty foreign to me, especially considering the position that I'm in of having to plan it myself. But even if a friend were willing to plan it for me, I would have still paid for my part

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