Should i include future sister in law as bridesmaid?

Leaving mom out of the conversation, are you and future sister in law BFFs that you would have chosen her first regardless of others’ opinions? If you are not close, there is your answer: don’t have her as bridesmaid. The role is strictly for those in your current closest innermost supportive social circle, and among the first people who you call to vent or celebrate your relationship with fiance. There are countless posts where brides ask in laws and former friends out of obligation to please others and it backfires badly. Wedding planning is not the appropriate time or place to get to know in laws and others you are not close to.


Also why does she have to have a role? Why is being a guest with no responsibility not an option? Many have posted in the past they prefer that over random roles.
Set and maintain boundaries. Get support from fiance if you need. If you don’t and she doesn’t hear or accept “no”, mom will pressure you with other aspects after the wedding with other things that are not her place to be involved in.

View Quoted Comment Regardless of others opinions, no I wouldn’t choose her because I’m not close to her. I figured to at least ask her if she’d want to have any part in wedding. she can also just attend as a guest if she’d rather do that.

View Quoted Comment If she isn’t someone you would consider asking, then don’t. Busywork just to fill a role is not fun for many and not sees it as an honor. Invite her as a guest and leave it at that.

Your Fiancé needs to deal with his mom. You definitely don't have to have his sister in your wedding party. If it's that important to everyone, she can stand on his side.

However, if your Mom is paying, she will get a say. That's just how it works.

I understand your mother's point that it's the "right thing" to do; I think it's a norm. My cousin is getting married, and his sister is hurt that she wasn't included in his FW's bridal party. However, that girl has 10 bridesmaids and one of them is our other cousin, so it might be different from your situation.

His mother might say it's tearing your family apart, but how does his sister feel? Personally, I wouldn't want to be a bridesmaid for someone I barely know. Is she someone you can talk to about this?

I understand your mother's point that it's the "right thing" to do; I think it's a norm. My cousin is getting married, and his sister is hurt that she wasn't included in his FW's bridal party. However, that girl has 10 bridesmaids and one of them is our other cousin, so it might be different from your situation.

His mother might say it's tearing your family apart, but how does his sister feel? Personally, I wouldn't want to be a bridesmaid for someone I barely know. Is she someone you can talk to about this?

View Quoted Comment I’m not fully sure on his sister’s stance. I’m planning on talking with her and my fiancé together to see how she feels on it. I know she recently got married and I was at her wedding. She kept her bridal party to just people she is super close to so I think she wouldn’t care but I’ll talk to her to see.

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If you weren't her bridesmaid, I don't think it's fair for her to expect to be yours. And if she kept her bridal party small, she'll probably understand why you would want to do the same. Good luck!

Unless she's someone you would want to spend HOURS with on the most important day of your life, don't add her to the bridal party. Adding people out of obligation is a recipe for drama and other disaster. Since it's a church wedding, you'll probably have to be up early for hair & makeup, spend hours on everyone getting ready, then you'll be together for pictures. You want people there to support you through all the different emotions you'll potentially be experiencing: anxiety, stress, nerves, excitement, sentimentality, etc. A lot of people aren't comfortable dealing with other peoples' emotions, especially if they're not close.