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Just Said Yes December 2021

Should i invite my brothers in-laws?

Melody, on June 29, 2021 at 10:23 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 12

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Hi all! I’m really struggling making a decision on this one… do I invite my brother’s in-laws to my wedding? Long story short, my brother got married last year during Covid and had a small, 60 person wedding. This was the first time I ever met my sister-in-law’s family. They lived a few hours away from my family. Although they came to visit my brother and my SIL many times while they were dating, my parents and I never met his in laws until their wedding day. We spent the day before the wedding at my brother’s in laws home for the rehearsal dinner and my mom and I spent the entire morning of the wedding getting ready in the same room as my SIL’s mother, sister, niece and grandmother. So we got to know each other somewhat. My brother and my SIL have been together for 7 years but I have never been close to her. We are just very two different people and don’t click. My brother and I also gotten into disagreements in the past like siblings do, and my SIL always seems to get in the middle and is somewhat controlling, which I don’t like. I’ve had a few other issues with her in the past, but at the end of the day my brother is my brother and I obviously love him no matter what sibling rivalries we’ve had. My SIL and I are also family now, so we need to be civil. Anywho, I’m trying to put this behind me and maintain a good relationship with my brother and maybe try to get closer to my SIL. I did not ask my SIL to be a bridesmaid, because at the time she was not engaged to my brother yet, and like I said we are not close and I just decided not to at the time. She did not have a bridal party for her wedding by the way. Anyway, I ended up having to postpone my wedding to Covid. It was supposed to be NYE 2020 and now it is NYE 2021. My mom and MOH’s opinions are that I should invite my brother’s in-laws to my wedding. They said it’s a good idea to prevent any animosity and try to build the relationships and have our families spend time together. A lot of my family could not be at my brothers wedding last year due to Covid, so God willing more of family will be able to attend mine this year. I thought this might be a good way to blend families, have my SIL and her family meet more of my family that they could not meet last year, and just have a good time, especially being that it’s a major holiday. Who knows when we’ll all be able to spend NYE all together again. I also thought about my SIL on my wedding day and how she might feel more comfortable if her parents and sister were at my wedding, since she may feel a little left out or lonely at time’s since she is not in the bridal party, and my brother is. My mom thinks I should also invite my SIL’s sister and mom to my bridal shower. Is this weird to invite my SIL’s family to the shower and wedding? Is it weird because I didn’t originally invite them? Meaning they never got invites for my original wedding date. I also don’t want to have regret later on for not inviting them, especially since we’re technically family now and I will be seeing them at future family events that involve my brother and SIL. Thoughts or advice??? I’m having a hard time making a decision on this one.

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Latest activity by Kari, on June 30, 2021 at 4:32 PM

Devoted May 2022
Amanda · on June 29, 2021 at 10:30 PM
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If it's in the budget and you're ok with it, I would say invite SIL's family. It would be a nice gesture. You're in charge of the guest list though, so don't feel pressured into it because of your mom (hard, I've been there). I also don't think you need to worry about awkwardness of them not being invited originally. COVID has made everyone more forgiving about invitation etiquette. The bridal shower would be more intimate, so I don't think you have to invite them to that even if you're inviting them to the wedding. But definitely don't invite them to the shower, but not the wedding.
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VIP September 2020
Willow · on June 29, 2021 at 10:43 PM
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These are your brother's in laws, not yours, and you and your SiL aren't that close. So I don't see the point in inviting them to your wedding. If you want to get closer, your brother can initiate a family dinner. You're not going to get a lot of one on one time with guests

Showers should be for your nearest and dearest.
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Master February 2022
Rosie · on June 29, 2021 at 10:53 PM
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Definitely don't need to invite them unless you want to. My fiance has 3 siblings. By this logic, would I need to invite all of their wives' families? Plus my own sister's husbands family? Some are mutual friends anyway - our MC is my SIL's brother, and would have been invited as a friend anyway. But it would mean a lot of extra people be invited.
Also, my fiance wasn't in my sister's bridal party whereas I was, and his family wasn't invited. You just suck it up and talk to the people around you during the photos and whatnot.
On the other hand, as Amanda says, if it's in the budget and would save a whole bunch of drama, feel free to go ahead - it would be a nice gesture but totally unnecessary IMO.
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Master July 2018
Mcskipper · on June 30, 2021 at 3:13 AM
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These don’t sound like people I would invite. You don’t seem to have much of a relationship with them, and your wedding isn’t really the place to foster one, and frankly you said the relationship was long and you only met them at his wedding, it doesn’t seem like they’re people that are going to be in your life very much. If you personally really wanted them there, you *could* invite them. But to me it’s a little weird to invite them and I also probably wouldn’t expect them to attend. I know my brother’s in laws …from their wedding and a couple events at their home, but we definitely don’t have any relationship independent of my brother. If they invited *us* to an NYE event, I wouldn’t go, as that’s time I’d rather spend with my own friends and family. These in laws will always be connected via his family but they don’t tend to be people I would actively consider my own family. If they care to meet your brother’s extended family, your brother can host events where they can do that, that one is not on you. I understand uour mother’s intention to be inclusive and kind, but to me personally, my wedding is not the time to do that.
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Master July 2019
Hannah · on June 30, 2021 at 8:14 AM
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You don't need to invite siblings' in-laws. Unless that is something super common in your circle, it isn't something that is customary. My husband's sister is getting married next week, and while I am a bridesmaid and we are close, my brothers are not invited because....they aren't her family. She did actually invite my parents, which I was also not expecting. My brothers in no way were expecting an invitation, and neither were my parents. If you truly want them there, then invite them. However, I wouldn't feel pressure to just because they are now distant relatives by marriage.
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Expert December 2021
Samantha · on June 30, 2021 at 9:57 AM
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Talk to your fiance about all of this and explain how you're feeling and be completely honest. Make sure the two of you are on the same page for this. Unless I read this too fast and skipped over it (entirely possible since I'm only human) I didn't see anywhere that you brought this up to the person you're marrying. Your wedding is about the two of you and your fiance should be included in this process. I'd ask your fiance about this and go from there.
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Super October 2022
Jessi · on June 30, 2021 at 10:14 AM
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I personally wouldn't invite them. We know my fiancé's sister's in-laws quite well and the only reason they're "invited" to our wedding is because they're in charge of child care of our flower girl and ring bearer and we figured the least we could do is pay for them to eat some dinner before they take the kids. You're going to be so busy during that day that you won't have any time to get to know these people. Weddings aren't a great place to grow and strengthen relationships with new people. In the end it's up to you and your fiancé, but if you don't invite them to the wedding then you definitely can't to your shower.
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Expert August 2021
Katie · on June 30, 2021 at 10:33 AM
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I absolutely agree with this. I'd never invite my brothers in laws to my wedding. I see it as it's his family he married into and if he wants sides blended then he can do that on his own time and dime. It's not my responsibility it's his.
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Just Said Yes December 2021
Melody · on June 30, 2021 at 11:05 AM
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Hi all, thank you so much for your feedback. I did discuss this with my fiancé a few weeks ago when my mom asked me if I was inviting her family… and at first he said we shouldn’t invite them because it’s an added cost. After telling him my mom and maid of honor’s opinions recently, which caused me to feel even more torn, he said we could invite just her parents. Overall, I’m just not too comfortable with the decision of inviting her family. You’re all correct, it’s not my job to try and blend families. My SIL has never really tried to be closer to my family. I know my mom and MOH think I should be the better person and extend the invites to her family but it just doesn’t feel 100% right inviting them. I guess I just felt some pressure from my mom and MOH’s opinions… and I shouldn’t.
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on June 30, 2021 at 12:29 PM
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I agree with everyone who says that it isn't common or expected in most circles to invite other people's in-laws to your own wedding. And honestly, all of that detail and background information you provided change nothing about this situation for me. Bottom line: f you don't want to invite them, don't invite them, and move forward with absolutely zero conflict or guilt.
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Expert September 2022
Courtney · on June 30, 2021 at 3:24 PM
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Yea I think the whole situation is odd. I wouldn't dream of inviting any of my siblings SOs to FH and I's wedding. I've met and been around my sister's family a lot and I thoroughly enjoy them, but they're not getting an invite because that would be weird.
Like you said, it's not your responsibility to bring the families closer together, and honestly I don't think that that's something most married couples get anyways. I've never known anyone whos families blend and hang out regularly because two people got married. Seems a little strange to me, and I have my FH's family interact regularly with mine.
I think the ask is out of line, if your mom or brother wants SIL family to interact with theirs more, they can host a party on their own dime.
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Master May 2020
Kari · on June 30, 2021 at 4:32 PM
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I can tell you that my mom nor I would in no way be offended if my mom was not invited to my husband's sister's wedding. If there isn't much of a relationship between you and your brother's in laws, I don't think an invitation is necessary at all.
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Should i invite my brothers in-laws?

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