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Just Said Yes May 2022

Should i invite someone my fiance' doesn't like

Linh, on May 17, 2021 at 10:08 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 13

I have this close girlfriend who is very outgoing and social butterfly. However, there is beep between her and my fiance' in the past but they never really talked it out. One time she invited everyone to her party including plus 1 but told me individually to not bringing my fiance' with the excuse that "she's not close with him" but I know it's bc she doesn't like him in general. I was offended a bit but still going because it's her farewell party before she moved to another state and from her I made connections with a lot of other people. My question is should I invite her to our wedding because my fiance' doesn't want to. In the past, he never liked her because of her personality but willing to tolerate because I'm friend with her. However, after the date she didn't invite him, he now doesn't want to invite her to the wedding because he thinks she won't be truly happy for me and him anyways so what's the point to invite someone who not happy for our union. Now whenever she comes visit us or asked us if she could stayed over, we let her stay over but my fiance' doesn't even talk to her and ignore her which makes me feel very uncomfortable. I talked to my fiance' and said that it's rude to ignore her when she's around since she's my friend but he said she's fake person who talks behind other people back and he can't fake to talk to her and pretend like nothing happened. I plan to only have a small wedding, less than 50 people but I want to invite some friends I know from her but they don't have any issues with my fiance'. But I think it will create a drama that I invited other people I know from her but not her. Also every time I see her, she always asks about wedding planning and when I'll start inviting like she's sure I'll invite her which makes it more difficult for me to say no... Please help to clear my thought!

13 Comments

Latest activity by Maddie, on May 18, 2021 at 2:19 PM
  • MK
    Expert September 2021
    MK ·
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    Originally, I read your title and thought "No, you should absolutely invite your friend", but seeing that she didn't include your fiancé because she doesn't like him, I would be petty and not invite her for the same reason. Plus, you're having an intimate wedding with your nearest and dearest. It's your guy's wedding day - I think you should have the people who love and support you and your FH the most there! Ya'll are the best judges of who those people are.

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  • Donna
    Savvy May 2021
    Donna ·
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    No, I wouldn’t invite her and probably would not invite the mutual friends you met through her. That would cut down on a lot of drama and friction.
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  • C
    Devoted September 2022
    Carissa ·
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    Yes, you should invite her if she's your friend, and he should be understanding of that. No partner gets to control who the other person is friends with, whether they like them or not. I reeeeeeeeally strongly dislike one of my FH's friends, and they are both aware of it. But they are still friends and im not going to expect his one friend be excluded from this big celebration because of my personal feelings towards him. And maybe one day in the future he will become a better person and I will have regret that he was left out. So I've compromised that he can be invited but not be in the wedding party.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    It sounds like both your fiancé and friend are behaving very immaturely. Since they are both adults, they should be able to sit down and have a conversation to clear the air. But it doesn't sound like either one of them is willing to make the effort. I know I'm not a huge fan of my husband's one friend, but we still had her IN our wedding.

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  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
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    Do you want to have her there? Would you be sad and disappointed if she wasn’t? I didn’t really get from your post how you feel.
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  • M
    Dedicated October 2021
    Megan ·
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    I'm getting strange vibes from this. Can you explain what happened between them? Why they don't like each other?

    Did you fiancé meet her and then decide he didn't like that she was outgoing?

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  • L
    Just Said Yes May 2022
    Linh ·
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    I kinda feel like I'm more obligated to invite her than really want to invite her because we used to do alot of things together and hung out alot when we lived close by and I still see her once every few months cuz we're both into same hobby. I see many of her flaws annoyed me like penny counting with friends (to the extreme) and self invited to different things. She has very high energy and strong personality which sometimes make me feel exhausted like the whole world circle around her and people need to accommodate her. I want to invite 2 girls I know through her but it would offend her for sure if I don't invite her and since we're in the same group chat so i'm afraid of friction...

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  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    I don’t think you should invite her. She intentionally excluded him and he has valid reason not to like her. No one should have someone at their wedding they dislike.
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  • Kk
    Devoted October 2021
    Kk ·
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    If she didn't intentionally dishonor your relationship, I would say invite her. But she gave you a plus one and then told you that you couldn't bring him to a party? That's rude on so many different levels. Why would you want that energy at your wedding, a day that is supposed to celebrating your relationship?
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  • Day
    Expert July 2021
    Day ·
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    Personally, 100% no... unless there’s been some reconciliation. If your fiancé already has history with this friend... do you really want that history to be brought back up around your wedding day? The stress is going to pile up closer to the date and this is not something you want to worry about. Is it really worth bringing up old crap with your fiancé because of this one person? Have you had a recent relationship with that person? How would your fiancé feel hearing this person is coming to the wedding? How would you feel if your fiancé was secretly questioning behind your back whether or not to bring someone (to the wedding) who’s frustrated you previously? Put yourself in your fiancé’s shoes honestly.


    Also, I think this is a conversation you should be having with your fiancé... not us. Sorry... not sorry... but it’s the truth. You should feel comfortable enough letting your fiancé know your wants/needs.
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  • Fatima
    Beginner August 2021
    Fatima ·
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    I personally wouldn't feel okay with inviting a "friend" to my wedding that my FH didn't like or feel comfortable with. I'd put his preferences first.
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  • Catherine
    Expert March 2023
    Catherine ·
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    I wouldn’t personally no. But I would invite the friends I know through her and if they don’t want to come because she’s upset, that’s fine.
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  • Maddie
    Expert February 2022
    Maddie ·
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    If you are only going to invite her out of obligation, I'd for sure say DON'T. If you were having a larger wedding, I'd say DO because then it won't be weird if your FH ignores her as there would be a lot of other people for each of them to socialize with. I am not a petty person at all, BUT I have a strong dislike for ONE of my FH's friends (mainly because he is a huge petty flake who did not invite us to his wedding because he THOUGHT my FH did not invite him to his 29th birthday party - a party he didn't have- even after we have gone to every birthday, kids party, baby shower, baptism etc. for his family; FH has reconciled with him several times and he continues to be a flake) and had an issue inviting him. However, my FH says it's important to him because he does not hold grudges and after this year of hardship he wants to extend the olive branch. Our wedding is around 200 ppl so I don't have to socialize with him much - also. I just made my feelings clear to my FH - "I don't like him, I don't want him there, BUT this is important to you and he's a real estate agent that could help us get a house in the future...so fine."

    With 50 people, you can't really avoid the drama. Maybe leave out the mutual friends to avoid any hurt feelings, but also if you really want them there, who cares what she thinks.

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