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Savvy September 2022

Should i kick her out of the bridal party?

Megan, on August 16, 2022 at 12:36 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8

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Link to my pervious post about the situation:

https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/bridesmaid-stormed-out-of-the-batchlorette-party-after-i-called-her-out-for-treating-me-like-crap/eb0ee6f0a51e44d5.html

My wedding is now 2 weeks away. I talked to my MIL about the situation and she wanted to see my fiancé and I try to resolve the issue. She asked me to reach out the Elle for the second time and try to meet up. I reached out to her for the second time and she said she didn't want to meet up, she doesn't care to resolve this issue, she feels like I am at fault for talking to her about how she treated me at the batchlorette party in front of the other bridesmaids, she never plans to accept any apology from me (even tho she's the one who treated me and the girls so poorly) and she wants to distance herself from me.I didn't respond and my fiancé decided its time for him to reach out. She was nasty to him over text and continued to say she doesn't want to resolve the issue and doesn't want any relationship with me going forward. We decided to give her the choice to stay in the wedding party or attend as a guest. My MIL is upset we had to do this and feels like Elle, her husband, her mother and father (my fiancé aunt and uncle) wouldn't show up to the wedding at all. I'm not sure how to feel about this because my fiancé already has a small family and was really close to his Elle and her mom before hand.I feel like for my fiancé and my feelings it's best she takes a seat as a guest. I never thought I would be having to do this and it makes us sad during a time we should be happy. I already texted her about choosing to stay a bridesmaid or not. But I'm worried this might cause way more drama but I really can't have someone not supporting me, wanting to distance herself from me and possibly have a bad attitude stand up next to me at our wedding. It's not right but she is his cousin. My MIL is upset about this situation but my fiancé said it's best she doesn't stand up for us. Am I wrong for doing this?

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8 Comments

Latest activity by NewEnglandSettler, on August 17, 2022 at 5:15 PM

Expert October 2023
Bailey · on August 16, 2022 at 12:43 PM
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I remember your previous post, and how blasted I was after reading it.
Elle is showing you who she is, and blatantly said that she does not want a relationship with you anymore. Can you imagine looking back on pictures and seeing her in your bridal party, knowing that she doesn't even like you? I think you're 100% within your right to have her sit as a guest, cause I wouldn't even invite her.
This is not about your FMIL, Elle's husband, or her mother and father. This is simply about a family member who treated you, and your friends, like absolute garbage. If the repercussions of protecting your wedding, relationship, and heart include these people not being present at your wedding, then so be it.
No relationship - not cousin, mother, father, aunt, grandparent - justifies this behavior. You have absolutely every right to not have her at your wedding after the way she treated you. Please make this decision with you and FH feelings in mind, and nobody elses.
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Rockstar October 2023
Cece · on August 16, 2022 at 12:46 PM
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Definitely not wrong. To be honest, you are being way more accommodating to her than I ever would be! If I were in your situation, and one of my bridesmaids blatantly said she did not want a relationship with me and wanted to distance herself from me, she would no longer be invited to participate in the wedding. Why on earth would I want somebody who wants zero relationship with me standing next to me (A role made for those who support you and your relationship), i’m one of the most important days of my life? And also, why would SHE want to stand with you?? I’m sure your MIL isn’t upset with you or your fiancé, she is just upset with the situation and the possible drama it could cause with her family. I would try not to take it personally. So sorry you are dealing with all this. Hopefully she musters up some maturity and attends her cousins wedding as a respectful guest.
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Super May 2022
Erin · on August 16, 2022 at 12:55 PM
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She did this to herself, you did not. I think you’re safe to count her out of the bridesmaids group now. She even said herself she doesn’t want to repair anything and wants to distance herself.

It’s sad, but I’ve seen on threads here and in my own wedding unfortunately that for some reason, weddings can bring out the worst in people. That’s not to say there is no joy - I look back at my wedding that was 3 months ago fondly - but there are some friends and family members I now have a different view of.
The next steps forward will be to work on reminding yourself that this is a reflection of HER character and not yours, and to focus on everything else good about this (not easy, but with practice, it’s possible). I recommend a little date night with your fiancé when you two have a free night. Do something you both love, escape from the stressors currently out there, and bask in the anticipation of the fact that you will be marrying each other: the root of it all 😊
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Super September 2021
Sharon · on August 16, 2022 at 3:39 PM
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I'm sorry you're dealing with all this drama. She's made it clear how she feels. She's shown you who she really is. I know family dynamics can make things more challenging but why would you want her in your wedding after all that? Don't let others make you feel bad about it either. This is all on her.
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Rockstar November 2054
Jacks · on August 16, 2022 at 11:10 PM
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Elle has the whole family as emotional hostages to her drama. I'd leave this game and stop responding to her and the rest of the family. Let your FI deal with his dysfunction and say that you're trying to stay out of it.
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Savvy June 2022
Eula · on August 17, 2022 at 6:30 AM
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You don't need family that act like this during your big day everyone should be encouraging you to take her out regardless of family. SHE is not worth your energy, don't feed into it.
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VIP October 2022
Paige · on August 17, 2022 at 1:25 PM
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You included her at your bachelorette party, and she acted like a spoiled brat. You tried to resolve things maturely on your own, and she didn't respond to it. You reached out again at the advice of your FMIL, and she said she didn't want to have a relationship with you. You did all you really could here. Like Cece mentioned, your FMIL is probably more upset about the drama itself and the fact that there's an issue than at you/ your FH personally. If your FH's aunt and uncle choose not to attend over this, then they're enforcing Elle's poor behavior, and their choices are a reflection of their character, not anything you or your FH did.
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