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Just Said Yes April 2019

Should i pay for my friend/officiant's hotel room?

Erica, on February 28, 2019 at 11:13 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 13

A good friend of mine, Veronica, who was a former supervisor that I've grown very close to is officiating my wedding. Her and her husband have both been there for me and my fiance during extremely difficult times the way nobody else has. They even found our wedding venue for us. As my fiance and I are from different faiths, we wanted to ask a friend of ours to officiate our wedding. So, we asked Veronica. We're having a destination wedding and paying for our own wedding. Money is EXTREMELY tight, we're kind of in over our heads a bit but will figure it out.

Veronica and her husband are coming to our wedding, they've made it clear and said they would spend 2 nights at our destination. Recently I've asked Veronica to officiate my wedding, she said yes. She then asked if she should book a hotel. In the moment, I said "that's up to you if you'd like to book one..." leaving the option open if she wanted to go home the night of my wedding, I didn't want it to seem like I was requesting her to stay the night. Now that I'm replaying that moment in my head, I think she was asking if I was going to book her hotel room for her and pay for it. I was planning on getting her a gift but not one that costed $1,000 (2 night stay at any hotel in the area costs $800-1,000). To me, she was coming to my wedding either way and would have paid for it whether or not she was officiating. Am I wrong? Should I be paying for her hotel room?

13 Comments

Latest activity by Bluey8616f, on March 1, 2019 at 10:42 AM
  • Chandra
    Master May 2019
    Chandra ·
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    Are you compensating her for being your officiant?
    I would try to pay for one night of her stay if I were you.it would be a nice gesture as she's attending as a "vendor" rather than a guests.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Are you paying her whatever the running price is for an officiant in your area?

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  • Formerbride
    VIP June 2019
    Formerbride ·
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    I don't think you should be paying for guests rooms when you can't afford it. If she is officiating and attending as a guest also, I think you should give her a gift of some sort. But frankly, I think you should talk to her openly so you can find out about her expectations.
    My question is why would you ask her to officiate? Has she officiated ceremonies for others?
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  • Dalia
    Savvy June 2019
    Dalia ·
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    No you shouldn't

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  • E
    Just Said Yes April 2019
    Erica ·
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    See I see it as she's a guest with a special job, like a bridesmaid - not a vendor. I was going to give her a nice gift. Offering to pay for 1 night seems a bit like .. if youre gonna offer that might as well pay for both.

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  • E
    Just Said Yes April 2019
    Erica ·
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    Ty for your response

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  • E
    Just Said Yes April 2019
    Erica ·
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    I will definitely be getting her a nice gift, it just wasn't going to cost the amount of a 2 night hotel stay. I asked her to officiate bc she's someone special to us and understands our relationship and is great with words. she's never officiated.

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  • E
    Just Said Yes April 2019
    Erica ·
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    No, I'm not paying her, she's a friend as well, not only an officiant. I will be getting her a gift I think it's a bit awkward to pay a friend. I see paying her similar to paying a friend to be a bridesmaid. I will however, give her a gift.

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Being a bridesmaid isn't a job, officiating weddings is. It also costs money to be ordained. You mentioned that she hasn't officiated before, are you planning to reimburse her for that cost? If you're going to ask her to be a vendor at your wedding, you need to compensate her. I think paying for one night of her stay is fair.

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  • J
    Devoted October 2019
    Jacquie ·
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    I agree with some of the comments mentioned above you could look up what the going rate is for an officiant and tell her you will give her that much towards her travel and stay at your destination wedding that might be cheaper than paying for her room. She was coming as a guest before you asked her to be your officiant so I don't think you should have to pay for her room but compensation for her job at your wedding is important. A special gift is nice. You could talk to her to ask her what she would rather you do a gift or the money. Sounds like you really just need to talk to her to get your answer to this question.
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    Wow, those are REALLY expensive hotel rooms. I definitely think you should offer to pay and consider this part of your wedding budget. You would be paying an officiant anyway if you hadn't asked for this really big favor.

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  • Alexandra
    Super December 2018
    Alexandra ·
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    This is a sticky situation, because she is a sort of bridesmaid, as she's your friend, and shouldn't be considered a "vendor" but I do agree with the nice gift. Def. not the hotel room especially since your budget is tight, and I'm assuming she also knows this...

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  • Bluey8616f
    Devoted August 2018
    Bluey8616f ·
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    My husband's good friend was our officiant. We didn't because he would of been invited to the wedding anyway. We did give him a very nice bottle of liquor as a think you instead.

    I think your reading too much into what she said. She could of meant if you need her around before the wedding because of her officiant role. Ours was invited to the rehearsal and dinner so he came a day early because he lived 2 hours away.

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