Should i tell her...

Wow girl, there's a LOT going on here! I think you shouldn't tell Amber because that might upset her more than she already is. If the shower plans go through, Amber has the right to decline having a shower with FMIL!

Personally, I would tell her. It sounds like you guys are somewhat close if she confides in you about all that is going on so I would let her know. If it were me, I would definitely hope someone would tell me if they knew.

I would tell her. If I was her, I wouldn’t want to be blindsided into a shower that included my FMIL. I’d want the opportunity to decline with all the facts.

Oh wow! This is like a reality show. I think if you are close to Amber, I would give her a heads up so she can wrap her head around the situation. I would hate to be ambushed and not given a warning. What is the FH saying? What is your FH saying?

I would tell her. She trusts you with the problems with her FMIL. Amber should have final say whether she and FMIL have a shower together.

I would tell her because it seems like you have a close relationship, but even if you don't, I'm sure she's going to find out anyway.

I think I would just leave it be. I get that what her FMIL is doing, is absolutely crazy....but, it's probably best to just stay out of it. Let her vent to you, and be a listening ear, but beyond that I wouldn't get too involved.

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Right as a future bride myself I have anxiety for her, my mom bought a dress the same color as my bridal party and I nearly changed my colors so I can only imagine having a FMIL who's literally hijacking the whole wedding!

Her FH (and mine too) really don't say much on the situation - his mom has always been completely nuts so I think hes used to it. I did mention it to the cousin (Justin) - i told him not to say anything to Amber because i don't want to freak her out, but maybe he will say something to my FMIL about not having one??

I think I'll shoot Amber a text and just let her know then sit back and see what happens.

Wow! Sounds like her FMIL is a full blown sh** show! Amber is a saint, because I would have already knocked Crazy Pants out. The nerve! I would definitely tell her, because I would not want to be blindsided by this BS.

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I think that's a great idea.

Ooooh tell her. Definitely. Let her shut it down before it happens, not walk into it and be devastated.

I'd tell her otherwise it risks her getting mad during the shower.

I WOULD TELL HER. i don't really think it's cool to lump them both together just because it's around the same time. i mean, it's two separate events and two separate brides, she might want her own party.

Tell her!!! Looks like your fmil won’t be changing things around and Amber will find out anyways, and better for it to be beforehand.

Omg this is insane. I would definitely let her know as you sound pretty close with her. If I was in her shoes, I would rather decline a shared shower than have one at all, especially considering all the obnoxious stuff her FMIL has already done to ruin her day.

Jeez. I’d push FMIL a little more. If possible for *you*, I’d offer to help her host a separate shower for Amber . I’d try another heartstrings approach bc honestly, I’d be so sad if my mom overshadowed my wedding AND shower . Do you know if anyone on Amber’s side is hosting a shower though ? If she’ll get her own on the other side actually then I really wouldn’t sweat it anymore but I guess in that case I’d probably give her the heads up. Especially if it’s designed as a surprise shower, I’m not so sure I’d be able to temper my reaction walking in and being surprised by such a ....disappointing surprise.

Omg I wouldn't know what to do if I were Amber in all this nonsense. I would gently tell her so she's not blindsided. "Hey, this might happen but..."

I can empathize with wanting to give her a heads up, but honestly, stay out of it. You advised against it and that's all you can do. The last thing you need is to draw attention to yourself during this chaos.

I definitely feel bad for Amber! I wouldn't tell her about the shower but maybe try to get involved with her bachelorette to make sure its special and ONLY about her, not about "crazy-pants" in any way so this poor girl can enjoy herself without feeling like she has to share everything with her FMIL

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I like this idea. If it's in your budget and something you're willing to take on, maybe you could talk to FMIL and tell her that you think Amber would prefer a separate shower so you would love to throw one for her while she throws one for her SIL.