Should I tell my friend she's making a mistake?

DON'T!

ETA: So if you tell her not to marry him, will she listen?My guess is no. She said yes to the proposal. I'm sure she knows this man. Some people just like those types of people.

I should also mention - she complains about him constantly. Like, CONSTANTLY. I legitimately have NO idea why she is marrying him.

What concerns do you have other than the money?

He is emotionally manipulative, has not been sensitive to the fact that her parents are going through a divorce while they are engaged, has a serious case of Peter Pan syndrome (which I guess is why he's waited so long to get married, ) he pouts if he doesn't get his way when we make plans as a group, he rarely puts her feelings before his own, he doesn't help out around the house, etc.

She wanted to get into pre-marital counseling and he refused because he had been to a therapist before and said he would never go through counseling again - even though pre-marital counseling is nothing like behavioral counseling.

It's not your business. If your friend is genuinely happy with him let her make her own decisions.

I was the MOH for one of my friends, I didn't like her FH, but I kept my mouth shut because it wasn't me marrying him. She started telling me that she wasn't happy at all, if she was making her own decisions she wouldn't marry him, but she didn't feel like she could do it because she didn't want to disappoint her family. I let her know I was there for her and still didn't say anything. After a month of her saying this I did finally tell her my concerns with him and what I saw as an outsider. She didn't want to hear it. Our friendship ended.

You need to be prepared for your friendship to end if you say something. I was prepared, and honestly don't regret what happened because I was the only friend that stood by what she wanted. In the end she succumbed to the pressure of her family. And who knows, maybe she really is happy with him.

Ok, so you are in a lose-lose situation here. If you tell her that you don't like her FH and that she shouldn't get married it will feel like a betrayal to her and she'll have to choose sides. Of course she'll choose him, that's just how it will go down. They will get married. If they stay married you will forever be the friend that didn't want them to be married and it will ruin your friendship. If they will divorce then you are forever the friend that "told her so" and it will ruin your friendship. Either way friendship ruined. Unless he's being verbally or physically abusive and you fear for your friend's safety it is best if you stay out of the it.

I'm that friend that always tells my friends if I don't like who they are dating, but I do it out of love by bringing up specific concerns that I have. It sounds like this is a valid concern but now that they are engaged I think all you can do is support her and guide her in the right direction. Like next time she complains about it, ask if they have discussed how they are going to handle finances once they are married? It's not outright telling her not to get married but she will see your points and concerns.

If you say something it will end your friendship and she will stil marry him. I get why you want to I really do but it won't go how you want it

I imagine most advice is going to be not to talk to her, but as someone who made a huge mistake with the wrong man in the past, I'm going to give you conflicting advice.

You can't tell someone what they don't want to hear, and you can't put yourself in a position where she doesn't want to be your friend anymore. But here's what you can do--take her to lunch or breakfast one day, and you look her in the eye and say "I'm so happy for you and that you're getting married, but I hear you complaining a lot and I just want to make sure that you feel okay with everything going on. Are you truly happy with everything? If so, I'm happy for you, but I want to make sure that this is what you really want."

Don't say a single word about him, or point out his flaws. That may make her defensive. Just tell her you're super happy for her, but you want to be positive she's truly happy with her decisions. That's all you can do.

Nope, she will do what she wants anyway and it will only cause problems between you two. Love is blind. The end.

I agree with AMW. This is a tough situation, but bring it up gently to her and let her think about it. One of my best friends was in a verbally and physically abusive and cheating relationship, and I told her to get out of it time and time again, and that is not a helpful route. For her it was not be as easy as just leaving. Bring it up, and be there for her when she needs you.

Bringing up valid concerns in a non-confrontational way (say, grabbing some drive-thru and casually mentioning "I noticed you seemed agitated about him not doing ___. How are you feeling about that?") And letting her be the one to talk might help her blow off steam. But... Your friend has to make the decision for herself. I'm sorry you have to sit back and watch a possibly doomed relationahip, but that's what you have to do. Just be there for her.

AMW not trying to be snarky just honestly curious. Do you think that you would have listened?

Also your suggestion sounds really well thought out.

I was your friend. I was married before. Looking back I don't know why I married the man. It wasn't until after I divorced him that my friends and family told me they never liked him. I was pissed at first that they didn't tell me their concerns prior. BUT then I realized I wouldn't have listened and I probably would've still be married to him to prove to them they were wrong.

I say stay out of it.

You can't really do anything but be supportive. If you tell her that now she won't come to you for support when she needs it, trust me, I've been this girl and you were where my parents were. It just made me work harder to make it work to prove everyone wrong. People have to learn these things in their own time on their own.

Sucks but... It's true.

Don't say a word. Listen to her like the good friend u should be. But let her be. She obviously likes whatever crazy relationship she is getting into. Unless she asks for your opinion, don't tell her anything. I've lost a few good friends because I tell them things no one else will.

IF, and only if, you feel you must say something, I would wait until he next time she is really fuming about something and is venting to you. After listening to her, ask "If I came to you with the same thing about [your fh], what would you tell me to do?"

Who are you to determine who is financially responsible for someone else's wedding expenses?

You are out of line.

"Who are you to determine who is financially responsible for someone else's wedding expenses?

You are out of line."

Lol. K.

I'm pretty sure that a 40-year-old man (with no children that he is financially responsible for) should be held accountable for paying for his share of his own wedding (and not demanding his fiance cover 80%), but who am I to make such wild assumptions.

Tina nailed it.