Should I tell my friend she's making a mistake?

If you choose to do it, I'd ask questions leading her to make her own decision.

"How do you feel about xyz?" "Are you cool with that forever?" "What are some things you love about him?"

You telling her won't do anything if she doesn't come to that decision herself.

I've been in this situation, and really am right now. My best friend has a tendency to sell herself really short with guys. The one she's with now is 12 years her senior, and not in the position someone his age should be, maturity wise or financially. But I can't say anything...just be there for her when it doesn't work out like I've always been

I know how you feel. I have a friend who is still married to an abusive man. When they first started dating, I expressed my concerns, and our friendship pretty much ended. She's still a small part of my life because her brother is married to my sister, and every time she leaves him I jump right in and we pick up where we left off, until she goes back to him, that is.... I had to learn to stop letting their relationship hold my own happiness hostage... because let me tell you, when your friend is being abused, and keeps getting your hopes up that she is finally done, it is extremely exhausting emotionally. My advice is, step down if you truly do not support their relationship, but be prepared for the friendship to change or even end.

I was the MOH in a wedding where serious issues developed with the groom in the months leading up to the wedding... I was very uncomfortable with the groom myself, and concerned about her decision to marry him, as were many others in our family. I was very conflicted about whether or not to participate in the wedding.

What I eventually did was sat down with the bride and said "hey, all of this is happening and I'm seeing a pattern of X, Y, and Z. I really want you to be happy, so I'm worried about those patterns as an outsider looking in. I don't know what is going on between you two, but I want you to know that it's okay to post-pone getting married and take the time to work all that out if you have any reservations, and I'm here to help or listen if you need me. If you two have already addressed all this and you're confident that he's prepared to be the partner you deserve, then I'm happy for you and I'll be there to support you."

She insisted that things were fine and that she was satisfied with his explanations/progress (they were in premarital counseling, at least) so I stood by my word and was the MOH in her wedding. I had to find a way to accept that this was what she wanted and believed would make her happy, and I was willing to hope I was wrong so I could definitely be there to either celebrate with her if she was right or be there to help clean up the mess if she was wrong.

It totally depends on your friend and your relationship. I have a couple of friends who I am close enough with to have this conversation (luckily I haven't needed to), but not many. No one on here can tell you if your relationship is one that would survive this, or if she would ecen listen. If you must speak with her, do it like @AMW suggested. Keep the focus on her.

Yeah, I'd stay out of it.

Also, if they are planning on combining their money when they're married, who pays for the wedding doesn't make a difference. If she had 20k and was paying for it all, or they each contributed 10k, then once the money is pooled together, they're still out 20k total.

Just be there for her IF things go south. It's so easy to judge someone else's relationship with only the information from one side. I'm not saying your friend is a liar or doesn't have a right to complain, but you're only seeing what they want you to see.

Keep your opinions to yourself if you want to keep the friendship.

How in the world is she still with him? He wants a big wedding and hes not helping pay for it!?!?! No way in hell would I keep my mouth shut! She needs an outsiders perspective.

@TwoGeeksWed We all need friends like that.

There are really only two things you can do for your friend. You can be there for her and pray for her and the situation.

Don't say anything. This isn't your place. If he's not being abusive in any way, you don't have a right to step in and say anything. She's a big girl and can make her own choices. If this is who she wants to spend the rest of her life with, that's her prerogative. My best friend from college married a man we all despise, but he's not abusive toward her and she really loves him. For now, grin and bear it. If she comes around and realizes what a POS he is, awesome! If not, deal.

Has she asked your opinion of him/what to do or is she just venting? If its the later don't say a word and just be there for her. She has to make her own decisions. If its the former and she is asking you.. Lay it on her; I would expect my friends and family to look out for me and tell me hard truths..