Should i un-moh My Sister

View Quoted Comment Yeah at this point that is what I am doing. I guess I just regret even saying yes to my sister in the first place. I thought it would be good bc I am always trying to make our relationship better, but it didn’t.

View Quoted Comment One of the kindnesses my mom and her sisters did for all their daughters, that we have only come to fully appreciate as adults, is telling us that it is wisest to feel no obligation to have any sisters, first cousins, or other family in the wedding party. If we really want family, make it one representative. Because at wedding time, with bride setting out what she wants, and one or more sisters deciding what they want, and who is boss of whom, they play out the worst moments of childhood and adolescent times, or disagreement s. Even worse I it is 1-4 sisters, plus in laws and friends. Some best friends have to show they are first with the bride, and sisters know they are, and everyone turns on FFIL. They used to entertain us with stories of horrible sibling dynamics. My mom has 4 sisters. All 4, like us, have 4 or 5 daughters. Plus we all have brothers,. When planning my wedding, I thought of the fact that my family will always be there for me. I love them all. But separation and boundaries are necessary. And since I grew up with 35 female first cousins ( mom or dad side) within 5 years of my age, plus 4 sisters all close as stairsteps. I happily chose my grandmother's younger sister ( younger than my parents). And 3 friends. And no sisters. And no cousins. And none of FI's 7 sisters or 5 SIL. ... Every post where sisters had high hopes, and drove each other to distraction, I bless our family guidance. It never works in anything where one of us is supervising others, or where people get territorial. Never did, won't now. We are all great together in things where no one has status over the others. We pushed enough of each other's buttons when we were young. So now, we have agreed on boundaries. I don't think sister is malicious at all. She is just being herself. Herself always made you nuts before, it usually does now, and the only ? is why you thought it would be different now. You have my very sincere sympathy. The important thing is to come out of this without doing any damage. At some point, parents treating you two differently added more issues. Those will likely resurface for years. And if you each have kids, you will have to refrain from commenting on each other's parenting. Or kids personalities. Good luck keeping the peace. 🙂

View Quoted Comment This is a common misconception. Wedding party obligations are two things - wear what you select and show up. Everything else they do is extra because they are nice. Focus on what you have in your friend. Stop worrying about what your sister is or is not doing. Seriously.

View Quoted Comment I have lots of siblings. One of which I used to relate to very much like you relate to yours. She was older. Our parents often asked me why I couldn’t be more like her. She was very mean to me and was a big bully when we were kids. She was also left alone with me and two of my other siblings way before she was mature enough for that responsibility. She was also expected to take me with her places with her friends when she should have been allowed to go enjoy her adolescence and not be strapped with a kid while hanging out with her friends. We are very close now and this is because I realized one day that the way she was so bossy with me, interrupted me when I was talking to tell me what I needed to do or how I should do it was because she loves me and wants me to be a happy and healthy person, but she doesn’t know how to show me that in a healthier way. Eventually she became a mom and one day she called me to apologize basically being an abusive mother to me. She was questioning whether or not she could be a good mom to her child because of what she had done when she was left to take care of me before she was ready to be a mother.


The problem is not between you and your sister. The problem is your parents playing favorites and perhaps some other things that happened because your sister may have been in situations with you that she wasn’t ready to handle.

I cried to my sister when she called that day to apologize. I cried for her too. She’s lived with a lot of guilt and anxiety because she was left to manage young kids who were not her responsibility before she had the tools to do so. I told her she will be an amazing mother and she is. Since that time I’ve never seen her the same way. I know now that she didn’t try to hurt me (doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt, just that it wasn’t her intention) and I have so much empathy for what it must have been like for her to make her behave in such abrasive ways towards people even when her heart is in the right place.

We all have struggles. Don’t let the mistakes of the past dictate your future. Decide today what kind of relationship you want with her. It sounds to me like you want a good one, otherwise, it wouldn’t bother you. When you talk about her not showing interest and using her ‘title’ as a reason she should show more, what I see is a young woman who misses her sister, who loves her sister and who is very sad because her sister hasn’t been able to show her that she feels that way too. One day, you’ll learn more. One day things will change. If you want things to be different, look at them differently, then they will change before your eyes. Like magic.
Good luck.