Should i wait for my older sister to get married before i do?

I think it's fine for you to get married in that timeline.

Get married when YOU want and without any financial strings. It sounds like you and your fiancé are getting married for the right reasons (I don’t meant that to say your sister isn’t, just to clarify). Have the wedding you want when you want it 🙂

I would wait for like November. I know it's not the end of the world if you get married before her but personally I wouldn't. 6 months is still a short engagement.

I think you should wait. It would be selfish to get married before she does. Nothing like stealing someone else's thunder. If you're already willing to wait until late September, what's wrong with waiting literally a few more weeks til late October or November? It reads like you *want* to get married before she does.

So, there is nothing wrong with getting married before your sister at all and if you choose to do that, then know you're doing nothing wrong. That said, depending on your family dynamics you may want to consider waiting until later this year after your sister. It seems like the kind of move on your part that would really rub a lot of people the wrong way (even though that's silly and doesn't matter!!! Ppl are weird about weddings). So as long as you can accept that some people may be upset about it, then go for the late summer wedding!

This might be an unpopular opinion but you should 100% wait. Her wedding is only 5 months away, it's not like she's getting married in October of 2022 and expecting you to put your life on hold for a year+. Getting engaged now and married 1 month before her looks like you pulled a power play to beat her to the altar. That's probably not your intent but that's how it looks.

In most cases, I say plan for when you want she gets one day. That said, you’re looking at a veryyy quick turnaround on your wedding time and hers is so soon already that I think it’d save you a lot of stress to just have yours after. Have you asked your sister about it? Maybe she doesn’t care at all. If so, I don’t think waiting 6-8 months is a bad idea. I had a 15 person wedding and there still is a lot to plan. I think you’d be better off.

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My sister doesn't care when I get married, but my mom wants me to wait until at least late summer of 2022. You're right, the more I look at planning stuff, it does seem like a lot of work/planning.

If your sister doesn’t care and you aren’t accepting money from your parents, then the timing for those reasons is a non issue. But planning does take time and it may be really stressful doing it that quickly.
But also, it’s certainly not required, but you may want to consider the travel burden on any out of town guests that would attend both. It would be generous and understanding of you to give some time between.

If you are close to your sister, I would suggest you talk to her directly. Keep your mother out of the decission since you already know she is pushing for you to have a big event in 2022. At the end of the day, the reason you are concerned is because you care what your sister will think and don't want to upset her. She may be happy for you to have a small casual ceremony this summer. Then, if your mom throws a fit about it, your sister can say you talked about it first and are both happy. If you talk to your sister and she says that it would upset her for you to get married first, I would suggest you wait. You have to accept that she might say no if you take this approach.



Have you considered a winter wedding? November-February sill is not that long to wait and you wouldn't have to worry about you sister getting upset. I completely understand that winter weddings are not for everyone! Just trying to add a different perspective.

View Quoted Comment So much work 😱 and I’m just doing a small thing in the backyard.
While “everyone has their day” some family dynamics can be terrible regardless- you might get more support here than with your family. It’s great if your sister is okay with it! And if mom is only worried about money than that’s great! But be sure you’re okay with maybe their family being a little vocal about how they perceive it.
Just for planning sake, I’d give yourself more time. It’s going to come up fast and you’re not going to give yourself any sort of downtime to decompress or enjoy the time/weather/adventure to get to the wedding. You’re only engaged once!

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Thank you, this sounds reasonable. I'm actually thinking that a December wedding could be really nice. Plus I'm realizing that even just ordering wedding bands and a dress will take a while.

I think you should speak with your sister and ask if she would be fine with it. Honestly, if it were my sister I wouldn’t mind I don’t think it’s stealing anyone’s thunder. You want a small wedding with your closest ppl. and want to get married sooner than later so it’s understandable. I would think it was rushing if it weren’t for you being with your fiancé for 4 years already. So it’s not really rushing. I think the best thing is to discuss with your sister and mom and explain. your wish for a small wedding and if your mom wants to contribute more maybe compromise with her in helping in another way like a nice honeymoon trip or something for your new home.

View Quoted Comment Glad you are figuring out a timeline that works for you and your FH.


Just a note, I am wedding band shopping right now and Etsy has some shops with VERY quick turnaround on bands. Some ship out within just a couple days of the order being placed! I was pleasantly surprised by that discovery.

No, you don't need to wait. Your sister and her FH have their own wedding planning timeline and you and your FH have yours.

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I totally agree with Grace's advice! It sounds like a nice middle ground - you get to have a small, intimate wedding (which still takes some time to put together) and not be too stressed/hurried! Good luck!!!

I think you really need to look at the bigger picture of things. While it is YOUR wedding and you should be able to marry when YOU want, it also sounds like you'd like your family to play a part in your day, even if it's not monetarily. Seeing as they're all getting ready for her wedding in October, their focus probably won't be completely on you if you get married right before her. Most people will want to get you a gift, and that might be a lot for them to handle financially. Is your family that you plan on inviting all in your state? If they're out of state, they may also have trouble getting the time off so quickly. And unfortunately as some people are saying...it would kind of look like you're trying to get married before her. She may say she doesn't care when you get married, but my guess is she would. My mom and my cousin got engaged (same day!) last November, and my mom started talking about having her wedding before mine and it upset me, even though I didn't think it would. Simply because there are certain things I want to do with my mom for my wedding and if she is rushing around trying to plan her own, we might miss out on each other's celebrations. My best friend got married in 8 months and while it is doable, it can be very stressful as well. So just make sure that if you do decide to go with September, you are ready to be a little more stressed than you normally would!

I don't think you should put your plans on hold, especially since it sounds like you and your sister's weddings will look very different. Hopefully no matter the timeline your sister will be happy for you and your fiance, just as you are for her!

Normally I’m all about “you get one day” but this just doesn’t seem right. If you wanted to elope with a minimum of fanfare in the next couple months that seems like it would be okay. But to jump in and have a small wedding just weeks before her large long-awaited affair that she’s been planning for a year seems wrong. If it were me and I wanted to hurry up and get married so I could TTC I would elope in July or August, or wait and have my small wedding in November or December. Jumping in front of her at this point seems in bad taste.

You should do what YOU want to do. My younger brother got engaged an entire year and a half before I did, and I still got married first, so I personally think you’re fine. But, ultimately, you’ll have to live with the decision, so make sure you are happy with it.