Should i walk away after 2.5 years dating, and still no ring?

I would just be patient for a little while longer! Life doesn't always turn out the way we plan, so even though you wanted to be married by a certain age, life comes up with other plans. I was 28 (almost 29) when my husband and I got engaged. We planned for a one year engagement, and then had to postpone due to COVID, so we ended up with a three year engagement. Your boyfriend already told you that he has the ring and a plan to propose, so I would give it some time and let him propose on his timeline. If it doesn't happen within the time frame he gave you (one year), then maybe revisit the subject at that time.

I would definitely make sure you aren't hinting any more. Be really clear about what you want/need/expect. You can't make him do something he doesn't want to, so don't worry about "pressuring him" by stating your needs. You deserve to know exactly what he is thinking and planning because this is your life, too. There is no reason to sit by passively and wait for a ring to be presented to you like a prize.

If he doesn't answer your direct questions satisfactorily or he tells you what his timeline is and it doesn't work for you, then it's time to consider moving on. But give your relationship the chance of an honest conversation first.

Nobody likes to have to wait for something they're excited for yet have no control over, but sometimes that's just what you have to do. Unless you want to propose to him, you're just going to have to hang tight until he proposes. He already has the ring so he probably does want to propose (otherwise why buy it?).

If he's just waiting for you guys to be in a good place, take this next year to focus on being happy together and strengthening your relationship. If after putting your efforts in he still doesn't want to take the next step, evaluate why that is, whether the relationship is going somewhere, and how you both want/ need to move forward.

The first thing I’d suggest is that you let go of this timeline you had in your head and the subsequent disappointment from not meeting it. Why is the age to be married so important? A few years at your age isn’t going to change much - if you were 45 and wanting to have a baby, I’d understand, but 27/28 is plenty young enough to hit these kinds of marriage and life milestones. Second, it seems like your boyfriend is clearly well aware of your desire to get married - therefore, consider that if you break it off, who knows how long it may take you to find another good relationship that is headed towards marriage? I am not suggesting you stay simply because of the time already invested. But if you love him enough to want to marry him and he clearly is on that track too, just not your exact timeline, I don’t think it makes sense to end it. A good man is not that easy to find. Finally like others have mentioned, perhaps you and him need to have a calm conversation about his concerns on your relationship status, and how you two can work to improve the relationship and his opinion of things so he that feels confident to propose.

I think the focus should be on getting the relationship in a really good place. Getting married + relationship issues = unhappy life.

Great advice from everyone. Seems he is serious, maybe he’s the type that just doesn’t like being forced? Regardless, maybe evaluate your feelings about him and the situation, and if you really see a future with him, give him some grace, and yourself too.

Rubi,

you describe several things here that lead to further ideas. One is that he may have a meaningful date in mind to propose. The other is that there are some issues to be resolved for him to feel comfortable proposing. Related to that. you have a concern about him procrastinating. These last to items may require some conversation without discussing them focused on a proposal. The issues should just be addressed about behaviors in general.

He doesn't get to hold onto the ring like it's some prize for good behavior. If you have relationship problems, actively work on them. If you want some certainty about your mutual future, have clear discussions about expectations and timelines. But don't wait around for him to hopefully someday grant you the gift of his hand in marriage because you've kept your mouth shut long enough. I hope you find this manipulative behavior to be the red flag it is. If he has a date in mind, why is he keeping it a mystery? Because he doesn't have a date. Why did he "lose it" when you tried to have a grown up conversation about something that concerns you 50%? Because he doesn't want to get married right now or anytime soon. What does he expect will change within a year? Why does he expect you to be a passenger with no agency in your own life? All red flags.


Why would he buy a ring if he's not going to propose in the imminent future? He got cold feet. It happens
I'd focus more on marrying the right man rather than marrying by a certain age. If a man wants to marry you, he will be open to calm, frank discussions about your joint future like an adult.

I'm sorry youre in this space. Marriage is a two party commitment and so it's best if you're both in agreement. If you have to force the issue then you're not on the same page. In the very beginning, I told guys I met on the dating site that I wanted to be married in two years. If they didn't respond in kind, I knew they were not my person. My now fiance, William, showed up and had no issue because he wanted the same. In three months he proposed. We are getting married next July. You're time you invested is important but more importantly is that you and you're man have the same goals. Keep in mind love is an action word and decision not a feeling. Best to you always.

I would say if you're already in a bad place before marriage about a timeline to get married you should really think about if marrying this person is right for you. Are you going to run into the same kinds of timeline issues when you want to have children, buy a house, get a dog, plan for a big trip, actually book the wedding date, etc. If you can't have a meaningful and serious conversation about both of your feelings surrounding the topic without one of you getting mad and being unable to find a compromise then marriage isn't going to fix those issues.

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Couldn't agree more. His behavior is very manipulative in this situation. He's essentially telling her she has to earn his proposal after 2.5 years, that's a terrible mindset to have about it.

Take a deep breath. The way I see it, you have a wonderful boyfriend who has already bought an engagement ring and who is committed to getting engaged in 2023 (with the hope that y'all have worked out your issues between now and then). He wants the timing of the proposal to be a secret, but he is clearly very serious about it because he has *already purchased the ring.* Let him keep the timing of the proposal a secret - many men want to surprise their SO because the proposal is typically viewed as more masculine, and the wedding planning is typically viewed as more feminine. (Not saying it's that way in every case or even that it should be / needs to be that way....but anyway)

Please be patient. You will have to decide whether you would like to be married to anyone asap or married to him after getting engaged within the next year (and y'all can determine the wedding date from there). It might be useful to ask yourself why the age at which you get engaged is so important to you. If you had been dating 10 years and were getting wishy-washy answers from your boyfriend, my advice would be much different. Please take a step back, take inventory of the situation, and work on improving your relationship with your boyfriend - he clearly has a good head on his shoulders to want to make sure the relationship is healthy and thriving before adding wedding planning into the mix. Now that he's promised you that you'll be engaged by the end of 2023, you can relax...and just have in your mind that on 1/1/24, if you're not already engaged, it would mean that A) the relationship is suffering/hasn't improved...which may mean it's time to part ways or that B) he hasn't kept his promise, which may mean it's time to part ways. But for now? Focus on your relationship with a man who (from the sounds of it) is very serious about you and marrying you in the near future.

My now husband purposed last year and (we just got married on 09/17) we’ve been together since 2013. We also have 3 daughters 7, 4 and almost 2. I think he just wanted to wait for the perfect moment to ask me. It sounds like you guys have a lot of issues to work on so maybe getting engaged and married isn’t something you should be focusing on right now.

I would weigh the importance of getting married now vs the importance of being with him. If you could walk away and not look back easily or he doesn't treat you well then maybe you should look elsewhere. But if you can't see yourself without him then keep dropping hints or have a serious talk with him. Also, you could take a chance and give him an ultimatum as last resort. I did but I had waited ten years before he proposed so he knew I wasn't waiting anymore. Either way I wish you the best of luck! And honestly sometimes guys do need a kick in the butt to get things going lol.