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Devoted September 2022

Should My Future sil Be Invited To Bachelorette Party?

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Soon2Bemarried, on November 11, 2020 at 10:35 PM

Hi Wedding Wire Family! I’m currently in a pickle and please don’t judge me for what I’m about to say (lol). But, I’m not really close with my future sister in law at all. When we see each other we say hello, but the conversation doesn’t go beyond that. There’s no bad blood, there’s just no connection and so with that...I think it would be very weird if she was at my bachelorette party. This is the topic. I’ve already been asked what are something’s I’d like to do for my bachelorette party by my MOH. Now granted, I wouldn’t be planning it anyways, but I’ve made it clear my future sister in law wouldn’t be someone to invite. But according to wedding party tradition, she’s supposed to be in attendance...help??? I want to spend that time with my girls and have a blast and I want to be around people that I click with. We’re not friends, we don’t hang out and we only talk when my fiancé is around. My bridesmaids crew is only 3 people, including her, and another bridesmaid who would still be a minor even by the time we have the wedding (which depending on what the bachelorette party is doing, the minor would still be invited)...so I think it would be noticeable that my future sil is not present and would cause a stir of drama. Thoughts? Advice?

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34 Comments

Devoted September 2022
Soon2Bemarried · on November 24, 2020 at 5:53 PM
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This is great! So I can invite the FSIL, who is a bridesmaid by the way) to the bridesmaids party (I’ll be throwing a bridesmaid brunch probably), but the Bach party can be just for the people I want (and doesn’t have to include any of my bridesmaids). ?
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Devoted September 2022
Soon2Bemarried · on November 24, 2020 at 6:00 PM
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Now ( just throwing this idea out there not saying this is what I’ll do). Suppose, I don’t have a bachelorette party, that is, I don’t call it one. I just saw im going on a trip with a couple of my girlfriends.

I guess in a less convoluted explanation, if I call it a bachelorette party It’s proper Ettiquette to invite all the bridesmaids whether or not they attend (which would include the FSIL), but if I don’t call it a bachelorette party (but it’s going to act as one) I don’t have to invite the FSIL?
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Dedicated December 2020
Mary · on November 24, 2020 at 6:25 PM
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In the end, you need to decide what it is you want to do. But as someone who has lots of SIL (6 brothers here!), it can be seen as you are using her to get your brother as a groomsman and you didn't want to invite her or even have her in the wedding party to begin with.
As for doing a trip with your girlfriends, can you do it WAY in advance before the wedding? (No veils, sashes, social media items to make your FSIL feel like you left her out of the important moments, etc.) And then closer to the wedding date maybe just do a wine tasting night (or something simple) with them and your FSIL again one evening and call that your bachelorette party? What are your thoughts?
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Devoted September 2022
Soon2Bemarried · on November 24, 2020 at 6:44 PM
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It’s actually my fiancé’s sister. The only reason we asked her to be in it because my two siblings are in the wedding and I didn’t want it to look weird optically, that his only sibling wasn’t. He didn’t even mention including her in the wedding party, it was me that suggested more so to save face rather than really caring.

That’s a great idea, I can definitely do a trip with my girls a few months out and probably do something with the bridesmaids (including the FSIL) closer to the wedding, a couple of days out.
That’s the best way to go about this diplomatically. Thanks for your advice! If you knew someone that was pulling this kind of scheme, what would you think?
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Dedicated December 2020
Mary · on November 24, 2020 at 6:50 PM
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I think the major thing is to make it seem like the girls trip is not wedding related, but that you are just close friends and you wanted to spend time together. I would pour a lot of energy and talk into "planning" a simple "bachelorette party", maybe a group chat, make it fun, but keep the girls trip something separate from "wedding".
Is your fiancé close to his sister? I have seen a lot of weddings were siblings have stood up next to their brother or sister. My FSIL's husband had his brother and his sister stand up with him instead of having more guy friends. That is a thought - maybe that would mean more to him and her, if they are close.
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Devoted September 2022
Soon2Bemarried · on November 24, 2020 at 6:54 PM
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Gotcha, keep the girls trip separate from the wedding. Yup that’s the only way this seems like it’ll work. I believe they’re close. And what do you mean “stand up next to him"? Is that in reference to being a groomsmen?
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Dedicated December 2020
Mary · on November 24, 2020 at 7:21 PM
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Yes, a groomslady, or groomsmaid haha. I have seen "bridemen", "best women" and "groomsmaid" at a handful of weddings.
One of my cousins got married and her husband's best friend is a girl. She stood up next to him as his best woman and was labeled as such in the program. My cousin had a bridesman since one of her best friends is a guy. All in all, it worked out nicely.
Just a thought. You could mention it to your FH, maybe it would be something he would want to do or appreciate, especially if they are close.
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Devoted September 2022
Soon2Bemarried · on November 24, 2020 at 8:07 PM
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Ahhhhh very interesting! I have heard of this but I don’t know any one who has done it. Since she’s already a bridesmaid, wouldn’t it be weird if he then asked her to be a grooms lady? I’m not even sure my FH’s heard of this, but I’ll mention it to him. Thanks a bunch!
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Dedicated December 2020
Mary · on November 24, 2020 at 8:41 PM
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If he wants to do that and ask her. It might mean more to her to stand up with him than to stand up with you. She could still wear a lovely dress that matches the other bridesmaids or do something different
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Master 0000
Judith · on November 24, 2020 at 9:16 PM
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Yes, announce the bridesmaid exclusive one, before the bach, and tell each of them you wanted theirs to be special. Bridesmaids parties are not as common any more, more done when people either do not have a rehearsal dinner and gifts, or when the RD is huge from out of towners, and Brides want a party for their ladies, and Grooms want one for his, separate from the big bach.
Go ahead!
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Dedicated September 2021
MLS · on December 23, 2020 at 4:53 PM
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If she's in the bridal party, she should be invited. That would be strange. If she wasn't in the bridal party I wouldn't invite her, but she's a bridesmaid.
My junior bridesmaid (my FSIL) won't be invited simply because she's a minor.
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on December 23, 2020 at 5:07 PM
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Since she is a bridesmaid, she gets an invite and it will look bad if the hostess skips out on giving her one. The guest list and planning is not up to the bride. If you weren't close to her, she should not have been asked to be a bridesmaid.
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Just Said Yes August 2022
Helen · on July 21, 2022 at 7:27 PM
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What did you all do at her bachelorette party?
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Dedicated December 2020
Mary · on July 21, 2022 at 7:33 PM
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We rented a house, made some yummy meals and drinks. One day we did a cycle pub ride and a night on the town. We played games and had time to have some deep conversations.
It really was a turning point in our relationship and I got to know her good friends better. So happy she invited me and that I decided to go celebrate her.
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