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Just Said Yes March 2023

Should we invite my fiancé’s ex crush?

Nh, on September 1, 2022 at 6:38 PM Posted in Planning 0 8
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Hi guys. I’ve been so busy with wedding planning but I’ve also been feeling guilty because I struggled with retroactive jealousy about my fiancé’s old crush from high school who he never dated but really wanted to date all of high school. They had a thing and they kissed at one point as well. It’s been a long time since that happened and they’re still friends although he hasn’t talked to her for a while. there’s another friend he also kissed in high school but it was platonic. He isn’t super close to these girls but he still believes they’re his friends.
The girl he had a crush on invited us to her wedding and we had a bunch of fights about her bc I think her invitation made me believe how much closer they were (or at least thats how they seemed). For him, he has FOMO and just wants to celebrate with this friends
I regret giving him a hard time and wish I could turn back time and agree to go to her wedding. I know I’ve had insecurities and I don’t want that to ruin his friendships.
Anyway regarding our wedding, I wonder if I should even invite these two girls? If I had it my way, I personally don’t want to bc I’d rather not have girls who he’s been intimate with at my special day. Am I being selfish? I am totally okay with him staying friends with them and moving forward I’m okay with him meeting them if there are friends reunions and such. I don’t know what to do.

8 Comments

Latest activity by Mrs.evans, on September 2, 2022 at 7:49 PM
  • Erin
    Super May 2022
    Erin ·
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    Has he brought up wanting to invite them? If not, I wouldn’t worry at this point. If you don’t want them there, don’t feel like you have to suggest them when creating the guest list. If he does bring them up on his own though, I encourage listening and trying to view it from his standpoint.


    Depending on how many guests come, it is likely you may not interact with them at all, or if you do it will be so brief because of everything going on. I had to compromise with my husband on a guest I personally didn’t want there and we only ended up interacting with them for 5 minutes during the reception. After that, never saw them again the rest of the night.
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  • N
    Just Said Yes March 2023
    Nh ·
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    Thanks for the response! He’s mentioned he would like to invite them if I was cool with them. He’s trying to be cognizant of my feelings which I appreciate. If he had it his way he would want to invite all his friends from his high school group, even if he’s not close to all of them. According to him, these girls are still “close” to him but his definition of a friend is different from mine.
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  • A
    Dedicated October 2022
    Alisha ·
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    If the girls did come, I would see it as you are showing them who is the winner.

    You are the girl he would like to wake up to every morning.

    You are the girl who stole his heart.

    You are the girl who he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

    If possible I would make your guest list smaller (smaller guest list, wider vendor and decor options). Just small enough that the first girl doesn't make the list. So you don't need to worry about seeing her at the wedding.

    Best of lucks!

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  • A
    Devoted November 2022
    Allaura ·
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    This would be a hard no for me. And honestly I think you should be honest with your fiancé that you don’t want them there.
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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    I'm not sure how old you both are, so not clear how recent high school was, but I honestly would reflect on why you are feeling jealous about a crush he had in high school. Personally, I feel like past relationships are in the past for a reason, and people can be friends with exes, especially from adolescence where people get together and break up on a whim. To be blunt, this is just as much his wedding to, so he shouldn't really need to justify who his friends are to you. It sounds like you 2 have different definitions of who is a friend, and maybe a conversation on how you both view friendship as a means of understanding where both of you are coming from.
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  • Pat
    Rockstar May 2023
    Pat ·
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    Okay, so how long has high school been? I agree with so many of these previous posters- his wedding, his choice of guests, you're the one he chose, and the amount of time you will actually have to interact is minimal. I am a much older bride, and have had many really good guy friends and he has an ex wife he still talks to (re: special needs daughter) We are actually inviting both my dearest male friend whom I briefly dated, and also FH's ex-wife! These are 2 important people in our lives that we want to be at our wedding. We are secure enough in OUR relationship that inviting these friends will be fine.
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  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
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    I agree with others that it kind of depends on how long ago high school was for you, but if he really wants to invite them then he should be able to in my opinion. He's marrying you and at least one of them is already married. If he considers them to be friends and nothing more at this point then there shouldn't be issues.

    We invited one of my long-time high school crushes to our wedding and he invited us to his. Him and I were friends long before and nothing actually happened more than some serious flirting because he knew my parents were strict about dating. My fiancé knows how much I liked this guy for years, and they're now pretty good friends and get along great. As Pat said, as long as you can be confident and secure enough in your relationship, then inviting people you have history with shouldn't be a problem.

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  • Mrs.evans
    VIP October 2022
    Mrs.evans ·
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    If his exs were invited at first I would be upset but its like what I Alisha said you are the winner and then from his point of view on it is showing them that we are just friends and he has to set boundaries that can't be crossed and respect you as his wife. But mines knows that we don't get along so they will not be at my wedding. But really dont worry yourself about these girls
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