Shower by Mail?

What is a “shower by mail”? I’m not sure I understand.

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It's pretty much what it sounds like...since people can't get together physically, they mail cards/gifts/recipes to the bride/couple as a way to celebrate. That's a fairly basic explanation, but I'm sure Google has more in-depth explanations and examples.

We planned to do in-person, but NY still has significant restrictions. And several of my family members are in GA and MD, which would require 14 day quarantines if they were to come here. Also- my FHs grandma cannot attend in-person because she just finished chemo and it would be unsafe for her. So, that's clearly out of the question.

Part of what I enjoy the most about giving gifts is watching the person open it and seeing their reaction. Obviously, that isn't possible right now because of, well everything, Lol. What you've described isn't really a shower, it's just people mailing you gifts. Which on its own is fine, as that's how many wedding shower gifts are delivered anyway. But, I would encourage you to consider a virtual option a bit more for the sake of your guests and gift givers. Yes, it will be probably be really awkward at first, but it will give your friends and family a chance to see you open the gifts and get that good feeling on their side. Just give a quick smile, wave, thank you, whatever. Just keeps a it a little more two-sided. Maybe invite a few people to be there in person who are calming people in your life, like a mom or good friends - ones who will add balance and distraction. I think being a little uncomfortable for an hour is a small price to pay for those who take the time to send you a gift...and honestly, after you ease into it for the first 10-15 minutes, you'll probably forget all about the camera! Another idea would be to record it instead, and then send a link to gift givers later on. Maybe that would ease any nerves of being "live" and on the spot. Good luck!

I kind of feel like a shower by mail is less a shower and more people just giving you extra gifts. It's okay not to have a shower at all if you don't want one. Part of my shower was over Zoom and it was slightly less uncomfortable than it sounds.

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I agree with this and the other pps.... It's not clear from your post whether someone else is hosting this for you or not, but showers are typically hosted by someone other than the bride or couple. If the invitation came from the bride, there a huge risk that it might seem very "gift grabby" (especially if there isn't any "event," just a request to send a gift). A shower by mail has lots of potential to be awkward, but given Covid, I could see it as an option if a friend or family member planned it and organized the entire thing. I agree that it would be significantly better if whoever is hosting it included a virtual gathering. I'm sorry there's nothing normal about your wedding season....

A shower is an event. If it's just people mailing you gifts, it's not an event, it's just asking for gifts. With no corresponding event, people will send you gifts if they want to, but you or anyone else shouldn't really solicit them.

Zoom showers are a preferable alternative, although I am not really a fan of those either. An event is an experience - the act of getting ready and going out to an event, the ambiance of the venue, eating and drinking the food that's been served, mingling with the other guests. If I "attend" a Zoom event, the venue is my house, I may or may not get dressed up, I am eating my own food and drinking my own alcohol, and on a call with 30 people, there are no one-on-one or small group side conversations. I think the latter is what makes large group Zoom calls so awkward. But if you have to, it's still preferable than soliciting gifts by mail, because then there's no event whatsoever.

I'm kind of in your shoes since I have friends and family in "restricted" states but also near me (I live in the tri-state area). I would have a local shower with the people in NY (I am pretty sure you can have some kind of gathering, even if outdoor?), and/or another shower after you're married when things open up.

People already know they can ship you wedding gifts if they planned to give you a gift, whether or not they are able to attend your wedding. They don't need an "invitation" to a "shower by mail" to do so. I would absolutely think this was odd if I received such an invitation. There's really no way to hide that it is nothing more than a solicitation for gifts.