Need some advice. We are less than 30 days out from our wedding. We have both been married before so we wanted a small wedding without a bridal party and only close family and friends. We are paying for everything ourselves. My FH does not speak to his family due to some very tough issues. I completely support and understand him. I, on the other hand, am close to my family. They will be making up about 40% of our wedding guests. My FH and SiL have come to blows on more than one occasion. She is extremely rude and degrading towards not only us but her own husband (my brother) and my parents. She never misses an opportunity to make a snide or snarky comment. My parents ignore this and go out of their way to ingratiate themselves because they don't want my brother to have to deal with the repercussions if she gets upset.
After long discussions with my FH, we have decided to invite them to the wedding. My mom was okay with this but she has informed me today that she invited them to dinner the night before. We are not doing a standard rehearsal dinner since we don't have a bridal party. Just out of town family to have dinner and catch up since we haven't seen each other in a few years. I told her that it was not her decision to make since she is not paying for it and frankly it was a stretch decision to invite them to the wedding. Her response to me is that she will pay for their dinner. When I explained that it is not about the money it is SiL attitude I got the canned response of "they are family and have to be there" Now FH is furious and is not wanting to have any of my immediate family at the wedding period. My parents are aware of the strain when it come to my brother and SiL. We don't even do family holidays anymore because it all ends in yelling matches. I know my mom doesn't want them excluded because she wants everyone to think we are one big happy family which is not even close to the truth. I am having anxiety attacks because of all of this. Anyone have any advice? I just don't have the mental bandwidth to deal with this.
