sil not a bridesmaid

You’re not wrong for not including her and if she becomes upset about it, that’s on her to deal with. Her feelings aren’t for you to fix.

If your FH wants his sister in the wedding, then he can ask her to stand on his side. Otherwise, you get to decide who stand with you on your special day. So no, you're not wrong. And like Sarah says, you're not responsible for how other people react to your decisions.

You’re not wrong. I didn’t have either my husband’s sister or my brother’s wife, nor was I a bridesmaid for either of them. It’s entirely up to you who’s in your bridal party.

It sounds like you are dodging a bullet by not asking her to be a bridesmaid. It is also extremely common to not have in laws standing up with you because that role (bridesmaid or groomsman) is reserved only for your closest best friends and relatives who are supportive of you. If she is that angry and you don’t have a good relationship with her, don’t ask her to be a bridesmaid or groomswoman and you are not obligated at all to invite her as a guest either.

You’re not wrong for not having her in your wedding. She can feel however she wants about it. Sounds like you made the right choice.

You're not wrong if you don't have a good relationship and she doesn't like you. If she got angry at me I would just tell the truth and say "I didn't think you would want to be a bridesmaid because I didn't think you liked me. You didn't even invite me to your own wedding." Then I'd say that she'll still be invited to the shower and rehearsal dinner.

I would highly, highly recommend not asking anyone until about six months before the wedding. If you're wondering why, we see a lot of wedding couples that asked too early and regret their decisions.

As somebody who has a drama queen for a SIL, you are not wrong. Stick to your guns and you will enjoy your day so much more!

Your wedding is your wedding and you have every right to have whoever’s you want in your wedding and about her that is your choice. You are not responsible for her angry feelings. Good luck in all this

View Quoted Comment This is really good advice! I’d like to talk further I’d recommend not asking anybody and save yourself bridesmaid drama. But that’s just me for this very reason I didn’t ask anybody to be a bridesmaid, friends get very prickly if they’re not included. I thought it was just easier to celebrate my would be bridesmaid in a special way during the reception but in no way shape or form am I inviting them to walk down the aisle

My fiancé has 2 SILs (my future SILs) and I’m not including either of them as bridesmaids. I’m not close enough with them to include either of them. Ask yourself this, if they got married today, would they ask you to be in their wedding? If the answer is likely no, then you shouldn’t have an ounce of guilt. It’s your wedding, include who you want to include.


If you want her to feel like she’s a part of the day, maybe have her do a reading? Or something that still includes her in a smaller way. But again, that’s up to you, not her.

As someone on the other end, I am really hurt to not be asked to be a bridesmaid in my SIL's wedding. If you're getting married, then you're joining two families and it would be a great start to the family by having everyone involved. By not asking her, you're kind of ensuring that you two will never be close. If you really don't like the person or she's mean to you, then you are okay not asking her. But currently, I'm wracking my brain for what I did wrong or what's wrong with me as a person that my future SIL didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid. My husband is the Best Man and my son is the ring bearer. I never thought it would matter this much, we aren't super close having met only a year ago and living far away. But something about everyone being asked but me feels very personal and intentional. I've been making a conscious effort lately to try to grow closer to her and now I'm wondering if there's even any point in trying to get close. Maybe she just doesn't like me at all and never will. You expect your friends to change over time but I thought family was supposed to always be there... I guess we all have examples of how that's not true. Your situation sounds different, do what will make you happy, but I tend to think "the more, the merrier" in this situation. Just a little perspective from the other end.

As a side note, I think it would go a long way if you just gave her a warning that you're not going to ask her. Or ask someone else to let her know. That way she wouldn't be sitting around wondering if/when and she would just know and accept it and feel better about it. You're absolutely right that you aren't responsible for how other people feel, but it never hurts to be sensitive towards others, especially your future relatives!

View Quoted Comment While I understand where you come from, maybe you should stop thinking it has anything to do with you. First off, if you are also married into the family (which it appears to be that way, but I could be wrong) then I dont think it’s inappropriate. Especially if you have only known her for a year and really dont know each other. I think you definitely are just taking it to personally. Also, she probably already had other women that she wanted as her bridesmaid and you just didn’t make the cut. Again I understand where you are coming from, but I definitely think you are taking it to personally.

Also I think it would be more ignorant to tell her that I am not going to ask her, but that’s just my opinion