Sister decided to interrupt my wedding plans by getting married herself

Your sister can get married whenever she wants.

I think you will regret missing her wedding and uninviting her to yours in the long run.

If you truly feel bad about your parents' finances, then pay fully for your own and decline their offer.

You cannot control what she does. You can only control your actions.

Getting married is not an accomplishment or a competition.

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100% all of this. It can be hard to realize that no one else is going to be as excited about your day as you will be. And frankly, that's how it should be. If you allow this to get the better of you, it's going to ruin a very special time in your life. You won't get these "pre-wedding" days of being engaged back. You only have them now. You can choose to rise above this and move on and just focus on your day and what you have.

I assure you, that people who care about you will go to both weddings. I once had a summer where 5 of my closest friends all got married. Guess what? I went to all of them (and they all went to each others'). And it was such an amazing summer! It was so much fun that every couple of weeks I had another friend's marriage to celebrate. After all, that is what the day is about. Marriage. It's not about the party or the gifts. Just focus on that. Focus on why you're getting married and what it means to you.

I understand that when things are still fresh, they can hurt you a lot, even if they don't make sense to others. But you need to find a way to move on without making it worse and I truly believe banning your sister will make it worse. And people will hear about this and that's going to be the undertone of your wedding day. Do you want people talking about that? About the fact that you banned your sister from your wedding? Or do you want them just focusing on the fact that you are getting married.

I don't talk to my brother who was my best friend for years because of things he said that he can't take back. He has tried to be nice to me since, but I can never forget what he said to me. Even if we patch things up one day, it will never be what it was. You might not get along with your sister, but don't do something that will make it impossible for your to one day. If you care that much about how this is affecting your parents, think about how much it would mean to them to have their two girls get along.

I know that no one here is telling you what you want to hear, but maybe it's what you need to hear. Be the bigger person. This isn't worth it. Don't let this ruin your special time planning with your fiance. And especially don't ruin this time for your parents.

View Quoted Comment I think this is great advice.

That’s not even that close to each other. You get your day and she gets hers.

Is this even for real? How old are all of you?

Your sister has done nothing wrong here. She is not "interrupting" your wedding plans or being disrespectful to you in any way. You get one day, not all the time leading from your engagement to your wedding, and so does she. You also have no right to complain about your parents giving her money for her wedding instead of giving it all to you. If you're as concerned about their finances as you claim to be then you should decline their financial help and you and your fiance pay for your wedding yourselves.

What exactly do you hope to accomplish by "banning" her from your wedding and refusing to go to hers? That's extremely petty and immature behavior. I feel sorry for your parents who you are putting in the middle of this drama you have manufactured.

Hannah, I actually think it's quite rude of your sister! It sounds like she has a pattern of doing this kind of competitive behavior. Ugh. You have several choices (and probably more):

1) If you booked your venue/date, do you have your finalized guest list? As soon as that's done, mail Save the Dates to your guests. It doesn't guarantee they'll attend your wedding over your sister's (hopefully, they'll attend both), but they'll receive yours first. However, plan the wedding/guest list you & your fiance can afford. Do not count on any money from your parents until IT IS IN YOUR BANK ACCOUNT. Any gift is a gift and many parents do not help out with weddings these days, and a few make financial promises they can't keep.

2) Postpone your wedding (6-12 months) if your sister makes an announcement soon. Your venue *should* let you postpone and use your deposit towards a new date.

3) Keep your wedding date as is and stay focused on your joy & plans. Her quick engagement might not even lead to a wedding!

4) Ditch the wedding. Elope and honeymoon somewhere amazing far away from family drama and someplace gorgeous...Ireland, Paris, Jamaica, etc.

P.S. However you choose to include your sister (or not) in your wedding, DO NOT share any details with her from here on out and ask your parents to keep those plans private. I know it shouldn't matter if a sister has the same dress, colors, or decor as the bride... but I would totally understand you being ticked if she uses a lot of your ideas to share with the family first. I would feel betrayed too.

Big hugs!

My friend and her sister got married within 2 months of each other. Both weddings were beautiful and both are happily married.

View Quoted Comment I got married 6 weeks before my brother and loved every freakin second. I got closer to my now SIL as we compared wedding details, I was so happy to get to see relatives at their wedding again once I was kind of chilled out and not stressed to the max— it was awesome. We both loved celebrating with eachother!!

OP, pps are right— you each get one day and she’s not doing anything wrong. You are the one making a mountain out of a mole hill. Even if there is a past, in this isolated incident, she’s not doing anything wrong. It may be confounded by personal history, but on its own, it’s not a big deal. So to make it into a big deal, YOU are the one that looks bad. YOU are the one that runs the risk of isolating family. To be bitter and petty, you’re only implicating yourself, no matter what the two of your history is. To get up in arms about this, you are the one projecting jealousy, no matter what reality is. To turn it into something about MONEY, you’re way in the wrong, as your parents don’t need to pay for either wedding, so you’ll never in your life win a single argument by expressing sympathy because now they have to divide their emergency repair money amongst the both of you gets you no where (if you’re concerned, finance your own wedding). My point is, to be honest, there’s nothing here that makes you look
good. Maybe she’s trying to win, maybe she’s trying to beat you, and maybe she’s a terrible person. But none of that really matters. If it makes YOU reactive, you are the one that looks bad. Be happy and supportive of your sister. Focus on your own wedding— this doesn’t detract from that. Be gracious and remember that the WHOLE POINT is to marry the person you love. Not the party.

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That's what I said! So confusing

View Quoted Comment Good to know I’m not alone!

I get why you're upset but this isn't something you need to "deal with", because your sister will get married when she wants. And if she's purposely doing it before you in an attempt to get some sort of upper hand, then the joke's on her: it's going to be stressful for her to plan the big wedding that she wants in that time frame, especially with a guy she hasn't known for very long. My advice: don't worry about things that are out of your control!

I'm going to disagree with most of the PPs here and say, I get it! It sounds like she has a very competitive history with you and she's pushing for an engagement/quickie wedding out of jealousy. Honestly my first thought was, they've been together a month... What are the chances it lasts? Of course some people know after a first date or after the first month, but most people don't. I'd be upset by her actions too.

That being said, there are a few things I don't agree with you on. First, you should never expect your parents to contribute to your wedding. You seem upset they have to split the money they've saved for your wedding and their house repairs with a third party now. How about you forego your share and let them repair their house? Secondly, I don't think a month and a half apart is a big deal. It's pretty crappy how she did it, but she wanted to steal your thunder and be first. There's nothing you could do to change that. At least it's not even closer to your wedding. Thirdly, end of the day she is your sister and she should be at your wedding. Please don't ban her over something like this, which won't seem like such a big deal years down the road. And finally, leave your parents out of it. She is their daughter too and I'm sure they love you both equally and want to support both of you equally. It's not fair to them to have you try to force them to choose one over the other, which is essentially what you are doing when venting to them.

View Quoted Comment Ok so I am going to be honest. You are making you mom and dad choose. Your sister did not do anything to your wedding cause your wedding is not a few months long. It is a day. You are basically ruining the relationship with your family cause you do mot get a month and a half to celabrate. You have already ruined your relationship with your sister. You seem to be well in your way of running your relationship with your parrnts. Yes she could have chosen a better date. But is it worth throwing your family away?
So you have to decide what is more important family or not having any wedding near yours?

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My thoughts exactly.

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This is such good advice.

I'm sorry hun, but you need to refocus yourself before the damage becomes irreversible. Perhaps take a couple of days to let your emotions settle a bit, and then come back to this post and re-read the very good advice that you are getting here. No one is saying anything to be mean or hurtful. We are trying to help you see what you currently do not and our advice comes from life experience and wisdom.

View Quoted Comment What's the point of asking for your father's blessing if he's going to OK a relationship that seems to be on a whim?

I understand you're upset, there does seem to be some competition between your sister and you. Hopefully you two can at least respect each other to be cordial and attend each other's weddings. Not attending over what was described seems a little small of you.

In your original post you said you've been dating for a year and gave your parents 6 months notice that you were planning on marriage to allow them to save. 6 months is a relatively short time to be with someone before deciding to marry. Please try not to judge your sisters decision to get married. 1 month is a shorter time but it's not your place to judge it. Marriage is a big commitment and for her bf to have purchased a ring and ask your father if symbolizes that he's all in and ready for that commitment. No bf is going to go through that too "show up" his gfs sister. Maybe she's pregnant? Maybe you inspired them and they're ready to start their lives together?

As others said, planning a wedding is tough and for both of you it seems like it will be short notice and things can happen, venues can get booked, etc. Focus on your wedding. Get a venue. Set a budget. Send save the dates or invitations. Do what you want to do with regards to religion and traditions. And try to ignore your sister's planning.

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She did a wonderful job summing it up.

I totally understand your frustration. Even though, yes, we only get "one day," it is ridiculous for almost any of us to act like we weren't excited for all the months of planning where we expected to have the exclusive attention of our loved ones. I also understand the guest list dilemma. Going to a wedding is expensive, and the majority of my loved ones are not well off financially, so they would have to decide which wedding to go to. The one that's closer? The one that's been planned for longer? If you ban her and word gets around (which I'm sure it would), I think that makes their choice a lot easier, and it won't be for your benefit.

It's a crappy situation, but don't do anything in retaliation that could reflect poorly on you. Go to her wedding. Have her at yours. If you are showing the utmost tact, respect, and grace in the situation and keep your hands essentially free of the drama, the family will likely come to notice all of her concerning behaviors. Let her be the one that acts disrespectful and let them notice how tacky her actions are on their own.

There is no generic timeline for every love story. Some people get engaged within weeks of knowing each other, some people get engaged after years of knowing each other. There is no rules that say a couple is getting engaged too soon or too late. The right way or the wrong way. So I do not believe that any love story should be judged just because it is different than yours.

I understand how this could be irritating, but I think you need to take a step back and ask yourself if this is really worth banning your SISTER from your wedding. I think you should be focusing in the fun planning process with your hubby to be and family. You each can have your special day and attend each others wedding. Family is forever, try your hardest to put those feelings of anger and jealousy towards your sister in the past. Do you think ten years from now when you don't have your sister in your life that it was worth it to "teach her a lesson"??

Just an outside perspective.

View Quoted Comment I do not get this need to have the exclusive attention of our loved ones, as you put. Why does all of a family's love need to be focused on one person for all the months of planning, which may be 3 months or may be a year or more? No part of family life is like that usually unless the bride is an only child of parents who were only children, so there are no siblings for 2 generations, no close cousins, no babies, graduations, or significant parents anniversaries. If 3 brothers and sisters, and 3 local first cousins marry in 12 months, and 4 babies are born to siblings and 2 more to first cousins ( they all married a couple years back,) and a grand mother and a great aunt remarry to finish things out, that is life . Celebrate it all, and the aunts and uncles having their 25th wedding anniversaries can have a party thrown by family, too. There is live enough to go around. Why this perceived need for attention for months and months, the entire planning months as you call it? The OP, and you seem to think weddings and attention getting that the tabloids and reality tv shows based on celebrities with a truly abnormal narcissism , are real life. They are not. They are at best truly abnormal, dysfunctional people. Why 90% cannot make a marriage last five years, and that with frequent upheaval. OP and others need to come back to earth, and act like emotional adults. And sharing, and giving to one a other without keeping scorecards, are hallmarks of well adjusted adults. No one needs or gets the undivided attention, exclusive to them, for all their planning months. That has never been a realistic expectation of emotionally well adjusted adults.